


Same sh— Different day

by bdamanlover4ever



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Tweek Tweak, Car Sex, Crack Treated Seriously, Craig has big D energy, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Drug Use, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Immortal Kenny McCormick, M/M, Peruvian Craig Tucker, Top Craig Tucker, thigh fucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:00:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 76,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24864220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bdamanlover4ever/pseuds/bdamanlover4ever
Summary: “Don’t you want answers?” Nichole asked.Craig was getting answers. Answers that scared him more than the questions did. They were slowly sinking into his head, as if he had a telepathic connection to the universe. He turned to Tweek, deciding he could make the call.“I do.” Tweek said. “But it’s a rather selfish reason, that I deserve to know.” He brought a hand to his heart. “I thought for sure I knew everything about my Craig. I always believed to know you better than you know yourself.” He trembled as if frazzled. “Yesterday, changed all of that.”“Tweek…”“How could I miss something so important?”“I never told you.” Craig said. “If anyone should have guessed it would have been Kenny. And...he did but not by himself.”“Kenny knew before I did!” Tweek shouted.ORCraig wants to be boring. Tweek wants to be horny. Kenny wants to be rich. Nichole wants to complete her summer classes--but that doesn't seem like it's working out.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 24
Kudos: 148





	1. Just Leave It Alone, It Doesn't Concern You.

_**Craig** _

The phone in Craig’s pocket hasn’t vibrated in eight hours. He knew this because the digital clock on the cash register read 5pm and the homeless old man in front of the gas station was starting to gather up his belongings. His reflection stared back at him from the clouded glass windows, refusing to let the acne bumps on his face go unnoticed.

“Waitin’ for second shift?” A woman placed two bottles of liquor on the counter. “Used to work nine to five myself. Waitress.” She pulled out a twenty dollar bill and her ID from between her breasts.

Craig took the money. It wasn’t the strangest way anyone had handed him cash. One time a man coughed up one dollar and ten nickels, claimed to have a second flap in his esophagus or something. He reached for a bag and out the corner of his eye, caught sight of a pink tattoo on the woman’s arm: Classi. There was an i and a little dick hanging off the C that bends around and fucks the L out of the ASS.

“I make much better money now.” The woman flashed him a smile, putting her ID away. “If ya know what I mean.” She took her bags.

Craig was thankful for his face mask, to hide the frown on his lips. Sometimes it was hard to remember why he worked at this crappy minimum wage job. He swore if the second shift didn’t show up in three seconds, he was gonna dip.

The automatic doors dinging up signaled her departure. He pulled out his phone to search his messages.

He got a text from Clyde, aka, _“Second-shift-missing-head-ass:_ ” **Sorry, Dude running late. Bebe let me come over.**

Craig slid up, ready to type a response, but paused. Fuck it. Better to leave Clyde on read so he understands his frustration.

The automatic doors dinged again. Craig shoved his phone into his back pocket and straightened up.

“Welcome to Qui—” Craig almost choked. He knew this smell, he could recognize it anywhere: cheap deodorant and acid. “Kenny?”

Kenny’s jacket stuck to his skin, and his once blue jeans seemed red dyed. His eyes were hazy as if almost in a daze like state, as he rocked back and forth as if to silence a high pitched squeal coming from his lips.

“Craig!” His name rolled off Kenny’s tongue with a little charm. “Glad I didn’t miss your shift.” He lifted up a plastic baggy in his hands. “Guess what I just scored us?”

Weed. Craig could tell from the way he showed off the bag. “You can’t bring that stuff in here, dude.” He lowered his voice, “And where the fuck is your mask?”

Kenny must not have taken the hint to get lost. He kept walking closer to the cash register as if turning away now would make this embarrassing shit forever stay on his mind. He even purposely slipped between two girls, just to feel them brush against his body.

“Hey!” Red slugged Kenny in the arm. “Watch it, creep!”

“My bad!” Kenny threw his hands up innocently. “They should make these aisles wider, huh?” He paused, looking her up and down. “But then again, these close isles lead me straight to you. Maybe it was—”

“You’re not even wearing a face mask and I have pepper spray, so choose your next words wisely.” Red was already digging through her purse.

“Eh…” Kenny let out a nervous chuckle. “I’m a real gentleman. I would never.” He pulled a cigarette from behind his ear and placed it in her mouth.

Red combed her long hair back and raised a brow. “You never change do you?”

“What ever do you mean?” Kenny pulled out a lighter. “This is on the house.”

“No smoking in here.” Craig pointed at the sign on the door.

“Eh, buy me and my friend a pack of smokes and we’ll call it even.” Red threw an arm around Kenny. She walked him down to the cash register like a bride and groom making their way down the aisle, but the timing of her lifting up her feet is all wrong.

“You want that much?” Kenny asked. “You’d have to give more than that.”

Red pulled down her mask; Kenny jerked back instinctively as if there was no way he was about to let their lips touch.

“What’s up?” Red eyelids fluttered.

“I don’t mean...like that.” Kenny sputtered out. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an already open pack. “Take these.”

Red smirked and pulled back on her mask. She probably didn’t care either way, she still got a free pack of smokes. She took the pack and motioned for her friend, Nichole, to come on.

Nichole gave a little wave at Craig before exiting. She probably wanted him to carry out a friendly message to Tweek that she was back in town or something.

Craig once again found himself questioning why he kept this stupid job. Why’d he always attract weird people like Kenny? Or people like Red who would just...he didn’t know. There was just something not right.

“You should leave with ‘em.” Craig said.

“Take a break,” Kenny started to unzip his jacket as if about to reveal more drugs. “Let’s go get high.”

Craig furrowed his brow, trying to look most distasteful. That was not something anyone should come up to someone and say—but of course Kenny didn’t seem to care. In fact, the very determination on his face made him a bit worried.

“Is something up with you?” Craig asked.

“That depends.” Kenny’s tongue slipped out from his warm cavern, gracing his lips in saliva. “How long are you going to make me wait?”

“What?”

Kenny took a step forward. He brought two fingers to his mouth to mimic the action of smoking a joint.

Craig could hear some people yelling outside, the poor homeless man was screeching about the government being after him. Outside the glass windows he could make out two figures, one guy waving his hands around, the other guy had a black bag full of something. They were both yelling at each other in frustration.

“Where’d he go?”

“I saw him juke right, that little rat. When I get my hands on him, I swear to fuck.”

Craig looked at Kenny’s disheveled outfit. Hell no, he was not getting dragged into something crazy.

“Please…” Kenny let out the squeal it seemed he had been suppressing for so long.

“Hey, lady ya see some gap tooth blond hair looking guy?” One man shouted at Red as she walked to her car.

Red threw up the middle finger and kept walking.

The guy holding the black duffel bag let out a slur of Spanish. He ran a hand through his black hair and began pacing back and forth. “...kill us.” Those were the only English words spoken loud enough for anyone to hear. “The boss is gonna k—”

“STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!” The guy elbowed his partner in the gut. His eyes darted around, then landed on the shop window.

Craig felt a chill run down his spine. Was that guy looking at him? Had he noticed he’d been staring? He swallowed numbly as a gloved finger pointed at him through the window.

“Dude, do they know you?” Kenny asked.

“What you mean? They’re pointing at you.” Craig averted making direct eye contact with the drug dealer. He focuses at the cash register. Don’t look up. Act busy.

“No man.” Kenny pulled up his hoodie. He hunched over, leaning halfway across the counter to try and whisper between them. “They definitely look like they’re targeting you. We should ditch.”

“You owe me.” Craig said. He exited from behind the counter and motioned for Kenny to follow him out the back.

Kenny followed so close, Craig could feel him breathing down his neck. What the heck, did Kenny get himself mixed up in? Kenny was shaking worse than Tweek did on a bad day.

Craig unlocked the back door and swung it open. The terrible smell of the dumpster outside and the loud noisy street cars filled the air. He felt his lips tug downwards at Kenny’s still sudden hesitation to leave.

“I really appreciate this man.” Kenny said. “Here.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out three blunts. “Take it.”

“No money?”

“Those two tried to short-change me! I gave them all I had and they were like the price went up. I called bullshit and they got pissed.”

So that explained the blood.

“I just blacked out and went into fight or flight mode. Ya know...I needed this man.” Kenny’s tense tight knitted brows relaxed. “You look like you could use it too.”

Craig figured now was a good time to count his losses. Clyde wasn’t coming, a hoe wanted to make him into a sex slave, and drug dealers were tryin to drag him into shit. At this point—what the hell? He snatched the blunts from Kenny. “We can’t do it, here.”

“Hah! That’s my buddy!” Kenny slapped Craig’s shoulder. “Ya know my car is just a few blocks up. Lets hot box.”

* * *

Time seemed too ethereal. It’s always going and there’s no way to hit pause. But when Craig got high...he sometimes felt like he did the impossible… He paused and just let go.

“You text your babe?” Kenny looked at him with a blunt hanging out his crooked grin.

“Yep, about an hour ago.” Craig stared at his cellphone. There were a bunch of angry text from his boss, most of them ranging from, **Why’d you leave without anyone to take your place?** To **You’re fired.** Wouldn’t be the first time he got fired because of going along with Kenny’s foolishness. “Don’t really know how I’m going to explain any of this to him. He’ll be pissed.”

“Nah, Tweek understands.”

“He was real heated last job I lost. Awe, man...He’s gonna complain about not being able to make rent.”

Kenny scowled a bit displeased.

“Tweek’s reliable.” Craig knew his lover was a spazz, but heaven forbid he ever assume Tweek’s incapable of performing basic tasks. “He can at least hold down a job.”

“You mean the job his parents gave him?” Kenny drummed his fingers on the wheel. He stared as if observing how the smoke from his mouth danced around the windows, as if desperate to escape into the open. “He’s been getting off the hook with his parents for his mistakes, but you get fired each slip up. Wouldn’t you rather have more fun?”

“Fucking weirdo.” Craig flipped him off. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.” If anything, he didn’t call this slip up, working at the gas station was almost as bad as McDonald's...equally leaving him with mental scars. “Life is just..” He blew out another puff of smoke. “Unfair and stressful. I don’t care about money.”

“Don’t say that! Money is what makes the world go around, as they say.” Kenny’s voice grew cold as ice. He looked mad, but then his anger fizzed out… It was hard to tell with the orange jacket covering up most of his face. “It just sucks for people like us who don’t have it.”

“More money.” Craig inhaled. He let the smell fill his brain, numbing more of his senses. This was a thought, he really didn’t want to focus on. He’d have to start another job search tomorrow. “You know ever since I dropped out of college, I thought I'd be saving money by not getting more loans. But that fucked me too.”

“Right? It’s like ya just can’t win.”

“Tweek is even always mad at me about it, when duh, he didn’t even take the SAT or ACT. He just fell in line with what his parents wanted and promised to take over the family business.”

“Business. There is a good idea! What if you worked with me?”

Craig had never swung open a car door so fast. When had it gotten so dark outside? He stepped out into the empty plaza parking lot and pulled back on his face mask. He was barely able to make out any of the street signs.

“All the drugs you want.”

Craig walked away. There was no way his parents would ever forgive him for being a drug dealer. He’d be screwed up for life.

“Think about it man, Butters and I are never short on cash.” Kenny stepped out of his car. His eyes were wide and red, his voice all scratchy. “It’s a simple, quick operation.” His footsteps grew louder and so did his tone as he approached Craig. “I just need you to meet somebody for-”

“I can’t.” Craig shook his head. God...was Kenny trying to ruin his life? Wasn’t ruining his job enough?

“Butters doesn’t even know. You don’t have to tell Tweek.”

“Pff, Butters lets you go because you’re not any better.” Craig said. “You’re a drug addict. Butters felt bad for you and GAVE UP.” He threw the joint to the ground. “HE JUST GAVE UP!” With each pissed off word, he stomped his foot until the flame finally died out in the dirt.

It’s sad—the little light, unable to stand a chance against the dirt. Almost like...One bright light unable to defend itself from the dirty corruption of the world.

“And what makes you think Tweek won’t do the same to you?” Kenny’s hands jerked forward, grabbing a hold of Craig by his shirt. “He’ll know the truth someday.”

“Dude…” Craig’s breath hitched. “You’re crazy. You make zero sense. Now back up before you give me covid.”

“Do you know why some drugs are illegal? It is because the government is mad that scientists can’t find a way to make profit off it. They want to hog the money all to themselves.”

“Or maybe they’re trying to prevent people from doing stuff that can harm their body?”

Kenny seemed ready to punch him. Craig really wished that he would, Kenny was already covered in blood and sweat.

“I’m calling Tweek.” Craig said it, like it was some sort of threat.

“Okay... I see, Tweek has got you wrapped around his little finger.” Kenny slumped over and released his grip.

No.

“If telling Tweek about it makes you feel better, go for it. We ca—” A car pulled up into the parking lot. Kenny’s face seemed to pale, as he shakily hit a button on his car keys. “Oh shit, those are the guys from earlier.”

The car slowly circled around Kenny’s truck.

“Shit. We have to hide, man! We gotta go!”

“We?” The last time Craig checked. He wasn’t in this. Even if the idea of making easy money was alluring it wasn’t worth the risk. He’d just have to swallow the pain down—even though it felt like nails slipping down his throat—and tell Tweek the truth. “We’re not business partners. They’re after you.”

“No. No.” Kenny seemed to be losing more and more confidence. “How’d they even find us?”

“Find you.” Craig corrected again. He shoved his hands in his pockets, turning to the plaza. “I did my part.”

“Craig!” Kenny shouted.

“Craig Tucker.” The car window rolled down to reveal the same sleazy looking smile from earlier. “The myth in the flesh.” The wheels stopped turning as the brakes squeaked to a stop. “Who would have known tracking down a country hick would lead us to Inti.”

Craig blinked.

“Even if we don’t get our money, finding the sun God reincarnate is just as good. I mean,” A guy stepped out of the still running car. It was noticeably the same guy who was speaking spanish earlier. “There are questions to consider, like how’d he get all the way over here?” He scratched the back of his neck, lifting his head. “How did you get here?”

“I live here.” Craig stiffened, his jaw clenched and gaze hardened. He was suffocating, so much air but he couldn’t—

“I see.” The guy’s eyes grew wide. He got on one knee and bowed. “So many people have just been searching for you in the wrong places, Inti. But I must ask… how could you betray your people for this?” He nodded at Kenny. “For him?”

“I don’t kno—”

“Watch yo mouth!” Kenny ran up and Craig felt an arm flung over his shoulder. “Don’t trash talk Itawjesus.” He pulled him closer.

“Inti.”

“Itawjah, happens to be a good friend of mine.”

“Dude!” Craig tried to pull away.

“Just go with it and we both might get away from these crackheads.” Kenny whispered. “They obviously are bowing to you like you’re their Jesus or something.”

“Is this true?” The guy driving the car asked. “You know him?”

Craig didn’t...well tried not to make any enemies. He would much rather live a nice boring life away from trouble making assholes. But he “got” whatever mind game Kenny was trying to play; clearly, Kenny wanted the same thing he did, to get the fuck out of here.

“Yes.” Craig crossed his arms and tilted his head up. “Kenny is one of my faithful disciples.”

“I see, so you requested those medications to heal the sick children.” The guy nodded. “I understand. What a humble person our God’s vessel has turned out to be.”

Medications? Did they mean the drugs, Kenny had fought them for? Craig felt his heart skip a few beats. He couldn’t lie about healing people. Was this weed was supposed to be for medical use? Damn it! Kenny had taken from sick children!

The guy opened up the trunk of the car and pulled out the black duffel bag. “Take these too.” He dropped it at Craig’s feet. “If we leave it in your holy hands, we know it will go to good use.”

Kenny snagged up the bag. “You know it will!”

“We must return this good news to Peru.”

To where?

Craig watched the car pull off back into the streets. He had this rotten feeling in his gut. His heart felt like it was blasting off into the sun. What exactly had just happened?

“I can’t believe those suckers! We hit the mother load, dude!” Kenny stuffed the bag into his truck. “Ya gotta come home with me and take inventory of this. Just look, we’re such a good business team already!”

“Those...those should go to the sick children.” Craig croaked.

“Sick children?” Kenny screwed up a brow. “Man, stop playing! You and I both know where this is going...I can already hear the money in my pocket.”

“But—”

“Craig! There is at least 85,000 dollars worth of drugs here.” Kenny grinned ear to ear. “Not counting the stuff I already have.”

“Don’t be a greedy corporate capitalistic fuck!” Craig grabbed one end of the duffel bag. “They gave it to me anyway.”

“Not for you to smoke it all, you pothead!” Kenny pulled the bag back to his side. “We have an opportunity here!”

“Dude, I said fuck off!”

“MAKE ME SINCE YOU’RE SUDDENLY ACTIN HUMBLE LIKE MR.-SUN-GOD-JESUS!”

Craig couldn’t tell what happened next. He knew what happened—he was consciously aware of it. Paralyzing beams zapped Kenny’s body and sent him crumbling to the ground. A loud crash from the duffel bag hitting the ground rang in his pounding ears and blood dripped from Kenny’s forehead to the pavement.

“Shit!” Craig cussed loudly. He rubbed his temples, trying to gather himself. His brain scrambled for excuses. That didn’t just happen. Nope...he didn’t just kill Kenny. “Wake up, this isn’t funny!” Please, Kenny’s last words couldn’t be “ _Mr.-sun-god-jesus._ ”

He rolled Kenny’s body over trying to check for a pulse.

Nothing.

Craig knew his heart was definitely in the sun...it had exploded, combusted, Slam! Bang! Crackle-pop! A loud zapping sound was heard and pain ignited through his head. It felt like his eyeballs were melting. He clawed at his eye sockets. Okay. Don’t freak out.

He just needed to hide the body, then go get high as fuck to forget all about this.

* * *

_**Tweek** _

A bright glow illuminated the dark room, followed by the steady vibration only a phone can produce. The humming went on for about a minute, until it was annoying enough to cause bed-sheets to shuffle to the side.

“Gah!” Tweek felt his eyes water to the phone screen’s intensity, and a lazy hand reached over to answer.

A long unnerving silence washed over the room. No one spoke as they simply breathed uneasily. There was untapped tension that neither of them wanted to break.

Eyes moved side to side—from the cellphone to the alarm clock reading: 3 a.m.

“Hey.” The voice on the other end of the call finally spoke. “Is it legal to drive stoned?”

“Craig?” The name sounded strange on his tongue, but so did hearing the familiar voice. The other boy had been missing for two days. “I almost didn’t pick up from such a weird number.”

“Is it legal to drive stoned?” Craig dryly repeated the question.

“I don’t know!” Tweek’s lazy hand suddenly found reason to fidget. Anxiousness stole away any calmness as worry settled in the pit of his stomach. “It probably is! D-don’t! It’s just as bad as drunk driving!”

“I’ve decided, I’m done. I need you to get my car and come pick me up.”

“I can’t drive! I failed my drivers test ten times! You know this. How far gone are you?”

“I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“You’re not making any sense!” Tweek felt his other hand claw at hair. “Gah! First, you disappear from work without a trace. You text me saying your with Kenny. Then all of a sudden you call demanding I pick you up? Do you know what time it is!”

“Honey,” Craig said the nickname sweetly, but there was tiredness and desperateness riddled in his words. “You’re the only number, I could remember by heart to dial.” An itch must have crawled in his throat, because the line goes silent for some more time. “Kenny’s car got stolen.”

“Oh Jesus!” Tweek jumped up, scrambling to find something decent to wear. “What happened?” He grabbed his face mask off the dresser.

“Kenny got mixed up with some assholes over drugs.”

“Ngh! Craig! Why is this becoming a monthly thing?” Tweek asked. This wasn’t the first time Craig had made a bad decision and gotten himself somewhere he shouldn’t be.

“It’s not, honey. I swear...Kenny used to find me at my lowest points.”

“Tell me, what’s low about going to work and keeping up an honest job? Hanging out with him is your lowest point.”

“This is the last time it will ever happen.”

“Alright. I’m...gah!” Tweek scrambled to put on an outfit. “Going to pick you up.” He shoved his arms in a wrinkly shirt and his butt in some skinny jeans.

“Wasn’t planning on it.” Craig sounded like he was still smoking a joint. His voice was edgy and his breathing all off. “Do you remember where I put my car keys?”

“I can’t drive. So I’m not driving your car.” Tweek grabbed his wallet off the nightstand. “I’m taking the bus to come pick you up. Where are you?”

“Wishing I was with you, sharing the same space.” Craig’s confidence wavered for a few seconds. A grinding sound was heard followed by a slur of curses.

“Craig!” Tweek creep into the little kitchenette area. He started making himself a cup of coffee. Coffee first...use caffeine to function. “Focus and read the street sign.”

“Ugh,” Craig said. “I might be going blind. I can’t fucking read those small ass letters. They keep flying around and twinkling bright…” A gasp escaped him and automatically Tweek can tell he’s gleeful. “Holy shit! They’re like stars. Tweek, I wish you could see this!”

“Just don’t move! I’ll find you.”

“If it helps, I’m only a couple of blocks from the plaza—” The call cut off and the apartment fell to echoing the sounds of the machine grinding up coffee beans.

Tweek numbly pulled the phone away from his face. He glanced down at a pile of bills on the counter. Most of the bills were marked with a red ‘OVERDUE’ stamp on them. He felt his eye twitch and his tear ducts felt ready to burst.

If it really came down to it...he could beg his parents for a raise. But then he’d have to hear his parents ramble on about how, _“We don’t have a problem with you being gay, but why’d you marry a college drop out? It was cute when you were kids. But now he has nothing going for him_.” He didn’t need his parents negativity, that was the whole reason he moved out and into this stupid small apartment.

Tweek closed his eyes. Deep breaths. It was not the end of the world. He almost doubled over and laughed at how pathetic it was. How pathetic, he is. His hand hit a cup and in a blink it’s pushed aside for a poptart. He accidentally chomped down on his bottom lip, drawing crimson liquid to drip just as slow as the coffee does in the pot.

* * *

“Craig!” Tweek’s voice strained to yell over the roar of the bus engine as exhaust fumes filled his nostrils. He hobbled over to him, lingering under the streetlights. His hands graced Craig’s broad shoulders with a little squeeze. “You okay?”

The artificial lighting brought out an eerie reddish almost blue glow around Craig’s pupils. His dirty clothes and messy hair made him look like he’d been stuffed into a blender and set on chop.“I am now.” He reached a hand out to grab hold of Tweek’s.

Those words manage to make Tweek feel a little less pathetic.

“I brought poptarts and coffee.” Tweek offered the crushed poptarts.

Craig lowered his face mask and leaned down to take a bite of the toasted pastry in their locked together hands.

“You’re eating like a wolf.” Tweek took sips of coffee between his words. “Guess it’s a...ngh... good thing I brought food.”

“I’m starving.” Craig said.

Tweek could barely hold the last bit of poptart without trembling. Craig’s teeth accidentally nibbled at Tweek’s knuckles. Each time his canines met flesh, a little kiss was pecked as an apology. The warm kisses melted some anxiety away and Tweek remembered to breathe.

“Let’s go.” Tweek walked them over to the vehicle. He was thankful the bus driver didn’t just ditch after dropping him off.

Craig blinked as if lost about what’s currently going on. He squeezed Tweek’s hand tightly, following him to the back.

“Tweek,” Craig groaned, sitting beside him.

“Yes?” Tweek used his hands to fix Craig’s face mask back into place. He tried not to be rude and wrinkle his nose to the overwhelming smell of weed.

“One time, I tried to escape Kenny and ya know the others with their crazy ideas…” Craig spoke slow and choppy. “All by myself…” He leaned over to rest his head on Tweek’s thighs. “I had sparks shooting out of my eyes.”

Tweek tried not to tremble too much, but the sound of the bus motor sputtering put him on edge. “You have laser vision now!”

“Hmm..you make it sound bad.” Craig took a deep breath as if the familiar smell comforted his foggy mind. “I didn’t care much then.” His eyes shifted upwards and Tweek felt his face heat up. “And still don’t. You and Stripe are all I care about.”

Tweek thumbed the side of Craig’s cheek. “Ngh…if you think that’s bad.” He gently stroked the chub, as he felt the urge to press a kiss on him intensify. “Remember when I was the replacement Kenny?”

“Yeah.”

“Well we thought we killed someone with sea men but she died from semen.”

“You killed somebody with your jizz?”

“No! We had nothing to do with it. We just thought we did.”

“Why would you think something if you know it’s impossible?”

“Cause we were paranoid. Gah!” Tweek felt chills crawl up his arm at the memory. “Ha-Hammer time!” His eye twitched at the recollection of the cold lab and dead bodies.

“Calm down, Tweek.” Craig rubbed his face against Tweek’s palm. “You’re not on any crazy adventure. You’re safe with me.” He flashed an almost endearing look at him.

“I know. It’s just...Arg!” Tweek gnawed on his lip. “When I think about it now...They made me rap it.”

“Hammer time.” Craig lingered a little longer against Tweek’s skin. “I haven’t heard that song in a while.”

Tweek reached for his phone. “The song is _Can’t Touch This_.” He pulled out his earbuds, placing one in his ear and the other in Craig’s. “But the stupid code word was hammer time.”

“Well that makes no sense.” Craig slowly nodded his head to the music.

“Exactly.” Tweek turned up the volume and stared out the foggy bus windows to observe the world outside. “Still... laser eyes have me beat.”

Craig hummed to the beat, “There I was in Peru, unwillingly apart of an ancient prophecy, uncontrollably beaming sparks from my fucking corneas.” He scowled. “And that’s just the most traumatic crazy idea they dragged me into.”

“We really need to stop hanging out with them.” Tweek paused, his sight drifting to observe the weight snuggling in his lap. “Speaking of which,” He gently combed stray hairs back under Craig’s hat. “How do you feel?”

“My eyes still hurt and I’m tired.” Craig yawned. “Getting high is exhausting.” He kept staring up at Tweek like he was some kind of safety net. “Will you still be here when I wake up?” He asked the question timidly, like a child wanting their mother’s approval that there are no monsters under their bed.

“Yes.” Tweek said, his thumb circled around the little pink tint on Craig’s face.

Craig mumbled into Tweek’s thighs, “Thanks, Honey.” He relaxed some more, as if allowing his woes to fade away. A husky sigh escaped, like an undeclared: _“You’re the only good thing I have going for me._ ” He curled more into Tweek’s embrace.

* * *

_**Craig and Tweek** _

Tweek clawed his nails over his face, dragging the bags around his eyes to subdue even more to gravity. He attempted to job search.

Tweek shifted in his chair, paranoia invading his soul as a sound comes from the bed. His hands landed back on the keyboard and he continued at his Google searches work. “Good afternoon, sleepyhead.”

Craig zombie walked over to Tweek. He threw his arms around him. “Okay.” He rested his chin on top of Tweek’s fluffy wild hair.

“Clyde asked about you.” One of Tweek’s hands found their way to clicking the mouse again. “I told him you were at home resting up.” The clicking increased as he rolled his shoulders.

Craig looked down at the body fidgeting anxiously in his hold. “You alright, Honey?” The grogginess in his tone was replaced with tenderness.

“No.” Tweek stated. “I tried to get us more time to pay the water bill. Argh!” He let out a distressed cry. “I called the people and tried to explain but could barely keep my eyes open and the small ass letters kept…” He paused, his brain recognizing that it’s the same predicament Craig was in last night trying to read street signs. “I downed five cups of coffee this morning so the buzz is wearing off.”

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have call-“

“You better call me!”

“But y-“

“CALL ME! TEXT ME! CONTACT ME!”

“Alright…You don’t have to shout.”

“Sorry. I just worry about you.” Tweek turned to face Craig, inspecting his disheveled clearheaded state. “I don’t like you ghosting work and smoking weed.” His bottom lip sucked into his mouth and he gnawed on it. “Makes me...arrg..anxious. BUT! I’m NOT SAYING THAT BECAUSE I'M NAGGY!”

“You are definitely naggy.” Craig released Tweek from their hug.

“Arrgah! No, I’m not!” Tweek looked at the bills on the desk, then at the computer screen. “I’m helping you job search. So far nothing with good pay but every cent counts.” He shoved a list at Craig’s chest.

“See.” Craig grabbed the paper. “You nag.” His eyes wandered around the page—it’s always a struggle to read Tweek’s chicken scratch handwriting, but it’s worse when he’s panicking while scribbling. The words run together and sentences run on without any periods or punctuation. “But you do it subconsciously. Like how you text me and freak out if I don’t respond after ten minutes.”

Tweek felt his face heat up. “I’m sorry for caring about your well being!”

“Don’t be.” Craig smirked. “After all these years, it’s impossible for me to live without.” He placed down the bill on the computer desk and looked closer to the screen.

“Any job catch your eye?” Tweek asked.

“The ad on the side of the screen recruiting Marines says a 20,000 dollar signing bonus, plus it pays for college tuition.” Craig blinked. “That could solve all our problems.”

“No.” Tweek said.

“No?”

“Ngh...choose something else.”

“Military is sounding pretty good to me.”

Tweek pierced his lips. Craig was kidding? He didn’t want to have his husband shipped off. Surely, Craig didn’t wanna to leave him.

“It's an honest job. I sign a contract to join for a few years and I can smoke and drink all I want without getting fired.”

Tweek didn’t know a good comeback for that. He had been kind of harsh on Craig about that on the phone last night—pushing him to not keep losing a new job the same month he got it. Plus the military did pay good money. But to be separated from his Craig for so long...

“Won’t you miss me?” Tweek raised his neck up and puckered his lips.

“With that signing bonus we could both get new IPhones and FaceTime each night.” Craig sighed, leaning over to lower his height. His lips meet Tweek’s in a loud smack.

Tweek’s cold hands cupped Craig’s warm face. The feel of band-aids and peeled skin embraced little stubble; the ends of nimble nails scratched curiously. Craig greedily lowered his head, enjoying Tweek’s steady hold on him.

Their lips meet again with more passion. Tweek tilted, his jaw slacking as Craig’s tongue asked for entrance, licking over pink chapped lips.

The chair groaned at the added weight as Craig slammed his hands on Tweek’s thighs. His hands skillfully trace upwards at each little buck of Tweek’s hips.

Tweek’s tongue tangled up with Craig’s as they share the same space. Their taste buds rub against one another, producing a humming, “Ngh…” to bubble up in his throat.

Craig deepened the kiss, unable to contain himself from eating up all the sounds from Tweek’s mouth. He put forward more of his weight, pressing down on Tweek’s thighs.

Tweek’s hands guide Craig’s mouth to stay focused on his own. It’s only a matter of time before they have to break away and breathe. He dived into Craig’s cavern. His tongue raking against the twisted front row of teeth, and his snaggletooth, finding comfort in slipping between the gaps.

“Hold on…” Craig’s hands moved to cup Tweek’s ass. “This is hurting my back, babe.” He squeezed the softness then lifted him into the air.

Tweek moaned into Craig’s mouth, “You sound like an old man.” He wrapped his legs around Craig’s waist.

“Shut up, before I drop you shorty.” Craig carried Tweak over to the bed, relentlessly mashing their lips together.

“I’m not short. I’m fun sized.”

“That’s it.”

They both fall onto the bed in a feverish heat. Tweek clung to Craig’s wrinkled shirt, struggling to tug it off. Craig calmly slipped his thumb in the triangle gap between Tweek’s sloppily buttoned shirt. The sound of buttons popping and lips smacking filled the room.

Tweek managed to pull off Craig’s shirt. He tossed it to the floor. “See?” His eyes flicker up to stare at his husband hovering over him. “If you go away, it won’t be the same. We won’t be able to touch each other.”

Craig blinked—instantly taking in the sound of Tweek’s voice, the feel of Tweek’s flesh, the tension in his gaze. He loudly cleared his throat to distract his wandering thoughts. “Aren’t you concerned about paying bills?”

“I mean, nobody wants to live without the internet or be evicted.” Tweek licked away the trail of spit connecting their lips. His hand drifted up to caress Craig’s hair and gently tucked a strand behind his ear, then travels around to the back of his neck. “But I wouldn’t mind long as it’s with you.” He tugs Craig closer to earth, until a stern gaze meets tender eyes.

“I cannot believe that.” Craig said.

“I’ll prove it!” Sunlight bedazzled Tweek’s bare chest. He began to stroke the bulge in Craig’s pants. “You’re ngh...well, it...gah…Might be a pain.”

Craig felt trapped in limbo for a few minutes, his brain struggled to comprehend the conversation and the satisfying sensation in his pants. “What are you talking about?”

“You just got over being high and I haven’t had coffee in a long time…” Tweek said. “In a way we’re both faded. So…” Jitters ran through his bones, fear tormenting his brain with its usual plague. “We probably shouldn’t.”

“If we make love while we’re faded, we can both feel it.” Craig said comfortingly.

“Yeah...but…What if I...ngh...screw up?” Tweek’s hand relentlessly messed with Craig’s clothed cock. Stupid fabric. “Just take it out.”

“Okay.” Craig unzipped his pants and pulled down his boxers to allow Tweek to freely touch. Tweek’s hands could barely grasp around the base. He had seen Tweek, oh so cutely, try to cup his massive ball sack.

Tweek sat up, to get a better view of what he’s dealing with. “Oh Jesus!” He thumbed over the tip, his nails gliding over the length. “I can’t take this in me today...arragah...well maybe.” The flesh seemed to throb angrily against his chilled touch. “I really want to.”

Craig fought back another groan as Tweek’s hands sped up and down his hardness. “Honey…” He watched on with blown pupils, transfixed on anxious hands rubbing against him. “Let’s just...take it easy now.” He let out a shuddering breath against blond hair.

Tweek squeaked out another sound of frustration, clamping around Craig’s cock in a harsh squeeze. Pre-cum bubbled out near his thumb and sank under his nails. How did Craig have so many freaking inches? Ah, he didn’t even know how to go about handling...

Craig choked out, “T-Tweek!” His voice was submerged in a tone of horror about what’s going to happen to his dick next.

The sound of his name snapped Tweek from his rambling. “Ack…!” His eye twitched slightly as his neck cranks over to observe the mess he was making. “Sorry, Craig. Did that hurt?” He apologetically stroked him. “You should say something!”

Craig fought back saying a comment because—one, Tweek’s hands were on his dick...and two, Tweek was very unpredictable when he’s overreacting.

“I just can’t seem to function fully without coffee.” Tweek’s hand returned to a regular pace. “I keep acting so...so...so…” His body trembled warily.

“You don’t have to force this.” Craig placed a hand over the one fondling his dick.

Tweek’s eyes flickered hopefully for a brief second, then returned to their nervous glossy state. Craig managed to coax Tweek’s hands away from him.

“Honestly, you trembling helplessly under me is a turn off. Clyde probably would like that...because he has weird kinks. But it makes me feel uncomfortable, like I’m hurting you or something.” Craig pressed a meek kiss on Tweek’s twitching wrist. “I’d much rather do this when we can both enjoy it.”

“Pathetic!” The adjective finally hit Tweek’s tongue as Craig continued to deliver sympathetic kisses on his body.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because the moment was all right for me to prove it and I screwed up.”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.” Craig said against trembling bones. He moved upwards to sweetly nip at the nape of Tweek’s neck. “I’ll still ravish you.”

“You’re...” Tweek sighed. “I really mean it. Stay here.”

“Tweek, honestly compared to all my other crappy jobs—”

“I know what I said before! And I like that the military is Kenny free! But it’s also me free!”

“You’re overreacting.” Craig gave a little smile, nuzzling a strand of hair at Tweek’s neck. “You know what the doctor told you about stress and anxiety.” He pressed a kiss on the nape of Tweek’s neck.

“It’s not fair.” Tweek slumped back to relax in the bed. His sight landed on his own erection straining through his pants.

“Want me to take care of that for you?” Craig asked, following Tweek’s gaze.

Tweek shook his head. “I’ll just...ngh jerk off. I mean you said, I turn you off...so...just leave me. It will help me prepare for when you get shipped away.” He lowered his hand, but Craig grabbed it again.

“I’m gonna think about joining the Marines and do some research before I sign any papers.”

“Why won’t ya just say..gah..no?”

“Because…” Craig could think of a bunch of reasons, the main ones being how Kenny had managed to single him out into a life of drugs and petty crime in one day. “I don’t care about money. The only thing that bothers me is needing money.”

“Aren’t you happy here with me?”

“We were literally about to fuck, that’s kinda self explanatory.”

“About.” Tweek whimpered.

“Since you’re gonna mope about this...” Craig said. “One time, Clyde was tore the fuck up and he wouldn’t stop talking dirty to Bebe about how he was going to clap her cheeks.”

“DUDE!” Tweek said in disgust.

“Let me finish.” Craig silenced him. “She told him no way. And he was begging, so she said he can do it without actually doing it.”

“So you want to do it without actually doing it?” Tweek crossed his arms, “I’m calling...argah! Bullshit!” His eyes shift away from Craig in fury. “Plus you said—”

“I know what I said.” Craig griped, “Don’t remind me every five seconds what I said.”

“I’m trying to please you! All you’re doing is barking at me! When you were high last night you weren’t acting like this!” Tweek shouted.

“I just want you to feel good too, Honey.” Craig used a hand to guide Tweek’s face to his own. “You know how I worry you? Well seeing you all shaky and on edge worries me.” He pressed his forehead against Tweek’s and inhaled sharply. “I don’t want to bang someone freaking out like they’re gonna have an anxiety attack. I mean that in the most loving way that I can.” His other hand snaked around Tweek’s waist to pull him closer. “You know I think every inch of you is beautiful. So if we do this, you…”

“I’ll be good!” Tweek agreed ruefully, his eyes wide and alert. “I’ll be really good for you, Craig.”

“Please, don’t say that in this context.” Craig sighed.

“Really?” Tweek scrunched up his nose in confusion. “I’m sure high Craig would have had a different response.”

“Well you’re not dealing with him.” Craig rubbed circles on Tweek’s thighs. “You’re dealing with boring me. So we’re going to keep things nice and boring, just the way I like it.”

“I wouldn’t trade boring Craig for anything.” Tweek pressed a kiss on the corner of Craig’s mouth. “My Craig is my Craig.” He attempted to pull off his pants and boxers in the most sexy way he could.

Craig tried his hardest not to laugh because he knew Tweek was trying. He spoke out words of encouragement and whistled at the sight of his naked body.

Tweek stumbled over their pile of clothes on the floor. “I...arrgaah, sucked at that.” He cursed some more under his breath, the bed creaking as it added his weight back to the frame.

“I liked it.” Craig ran his fingers down Tweek’s sides, tracing a path to the slight curve of his hips. “You ready?” He settled Tweek’s smaller body down in a position that's going to make this easier.

“Yes.” Tweek reassured, as Craig’s thick pulsing flesh nudges his thighs. He swallowed dryly, “It’s not actually going in me...so n-not too much p-pressure.”

“None at all.” Craig slipped his dick between Tweek’s thighs. “See?” He hummed a bit contently. “Just squeeze your thighs together a bit more.”

Tweek complied to Craig’s wishes. “How does it feel?” He rubbed the hardness between his thighs to make sure it’s nice and tight.

“Hmm...” Craig’s hands moved to fondle Tweek’s ass. A finger circled the entrance, but didn't dare penetrate the hole. “This feels amazing because I don’t really recall anything better.” He planted a kiss on Tweek’s forehead.

“That’s good.” Tweek smiled. “I’d rather do stuff like this. So it can mean something. Even if I don’t have the guts to...ya know, without coffee.”

“Yeah.” Craig began thrusting himself in and out between Tweek’s hips. “We can get there gradually.” He whispered, his voice was gentle and kind in comparison to his usual dry tone. “We’re taking this slow, and we’re doing this our way. Do you understand?” He asked, his thrust more powerful with each word.

Tweek felt his chest tingled with desire. The steady rhythm of Craig slamming into him was like a never ending thrill. He whispered back a soft, “Yes...ngh...Please,” that seemed to echo in the space between them.

Craig grunted out a muffled moan and pressed a flurry of kisses on Tweek’s neck.

“Ngh...C-Craig,” Tweek whimpered, his words sound heavy, almost slurred, thick with lust. “So… hot.” He couldn’t anymore. It’s only been a few minutes, but the size of Craig’s cock and feeling it against his body, set him on edge.

Craig’s rhythm slipped and so did his hips, stuttering to a halt. He bent over, his larger body nearly swallowing Tweek up. “Shh,” He reminded him, and Tweek returned to biting his lip. “Don’t make this cringy.” He whispered against the cartilage of his ear. “Because if this makes me cringe even the slightest, I’ll decide I’m do-” His tongue became immobile in his mouth. A long time ago, he decided to never lie to Tweek. Never. But...Fuck, it shouldn’t be this hot looking down over him, watching the swollen head of his large cock fucking the tight space between Tweek’s legs.

“Is it not boring enough for you?” Tweek turned his head, his lips pecking teasing kisses on Craig’s reddened cheeks. “Are you going to decide you’re done with me, too?”

“Fuck that.” Craig growled, his nails leaving a claim over Tweek’s body. “I’ll never be done with you.” He slammed into Tweek, not too hard, but considerably more abrasive than before.

Tweek allowed a giggle to escape his lips—it sounds more manic than anything. “I know. I just like to hear you say it.” A blissful moan came out, as he dragged a hand up his shaft. “Say more things to...ngh...me.” His sweaty blond locks cover up lustful hungry eyes, staring at the pulsing flesh in his hand. “Because I’m r-ready to blow.”

Craig didn’t know what the fuck he could say. He sucked at talking all romantically and that cheesy shit. “Umm...your ass looks good?” He muttered confused on where he should go with this.

“I’m cringing! SO MUCH CRINGE!” Tweek cut him off. “You’re terrible at this.”

“Shut up! You told me to say more things.”

“Asshole! I mean things that will make me cum. Don’t say dumb shit.”

“Oh yeah, because the world definitely needs more of your semen.” Craig said. “I should just have you bounce on my dick every night, till you can’t scream anymore.”

Tweek groaned, his body reacting in a wild spasm, painting his belly with streaks of white.

“So next time your jizz kills someone...nobody can snitch. The person will just die of unknown causes.” Craig sneered.

“Arragaah!” Tweek felt his face heat up. He pointed his cum coated hand at Craig. “I told you that’s not what happened!” He trembled as the pleasure washed over him in waves, jerking his hips forward to ride out his climax.

“You’re filthy, Tweek.” Craig glanced at Tweek’s cock and the rest of his body still quaking with glee. “Just talking about riding me all night, got you wet?” His mouth dropped to suck on the curve of Tweek’s neck, not pulling away until leaving a fresh hickey. “I thought you were going to be good for me.”

“You want to talk about being...gah... good?” Tweek grind his hips roughly against Craig’s cock—the delicious friction making a storm of pressure engulf him. “I’m really good, Craig. More good than you’ll ever be...because not only am I the only good thing going for you.”

Craig finally exploded, thick heavy loads of cum sprayed the insides of Tweek’s thighs. The hot substance made Tweek shudder.

“I’m also good to my parents by not going to fucking Peru and getting fucking laser vision.” Tweek hissed.

“FUCK YOU!” Craig flipped him off.

“YOU JUST DID!” Tweek jerked his body forward. “Are you going to start shooting sparks from your eyes and your dick?”

“What if I did?” Craig asked. There was actual distress written on his face, like he actually cared that he did something crazy. “I am on some ancient Incan empire prophecy wall! Nobody even knows the full extent of my power.”

“T-that...that would be crazy.” Tweek said, his words barely over a whisper.

Craig felt the buzz of his orgasm still heightening his senses. He completely blamed those and hormones for the next words out his mouth. “But would we still do it?” It was his own way asking what he dared to never think about— _Will you ever give up on my unbalanced love?_

“I don’t...ngh.. know.” Tweek rolled over. “Laser dick sounds painful.” He could count the number of stupid things that he’s done for Craig, but he’s sure couldn’t count the number of stupid things Craig has done for him. “But if it does happen, I’ll still be there for you.”

“Thanks, honey.” Craig hugged his arms around Tweek, unwilling to let go. He knew the reason why he never thinks about it…How he knew Tweek won’t ever leave him.

They both need each other for spare parts.

Tweek cuddled into Craig’s chest. He had decided to take Craig, a long time ago. Sure, he had no sense of style. But Tweek liked to think his raggedy old blue hat is going to come in handy to cover up a bald spot when he got old. Sure, he had a few gaps between his teeth where the adult ones never grew in. But Tweek liked to think that scraps of his childhood never truly desert him. Sure, he was very blunt about everything. But Tweek liked to think his whole boring facade and monotone voice was a layer of protection, so that no one can hurt his feelings but himself. Sure, he might be able to shoot lasers from his fucking corneas. But Tweek liked to assume it’s a huge MIGHT and will never happen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Read the chapter title, read the book title, check the tags...Everything is self explanatory. Have a good day!~Mel


	2. Just A Daily Routine, with a trending hashtag on the side of a f-ed up frappe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Son.” Richard released his death grip on the cash drawer. “We have big problems at hand right now. Your mom just informed me we’re running low on espresso and our usual supplier didn’t come through a few nights ago.”
> 
> “Oh?” Tweek didn’t know how to react to that. Was he supposed to be worried or something?
> 
> “Everyone buys coffee from here for the kick.” Richard circled a plot on the line graph showing the rise and fall of daily purchases. “Eight out of every ten customers ask for espresso.” He tapped the pen on his chin. “No kick, no customers.”
> 
> “Just find another supplier.” Tweek said.
> 
> “Ah, that’s the thing.” Richard lifted his head to look Tweek in the eyes. “I need you to find us one.”
> 
> WHAT!? Tweek blinked rapidly, his brain refusing to accept his own father just asked him to—
> 
> “It’s just part of the Tweak family business.” Richard took a sip of his steaming hot cup of triple shot espresso drink. “Our secret recipe.” He set down his cup. “There comes a time for everyone to contribute and take the secret to their grave.”
> 
> “But Craig—!”
> 
> “Now you’re thinking. I’m sure his supplier might have other products. Ask him who he deals with.”

_**Craig** _

Kenny was the last person’s doorstep that Craig wanted to be at right now. But after two weeks of job hunting and coming back fruitless and pissed off, there was no one else for him to turn to.

He checked his phone, to check if his parents or Tricia had responded to any of his texts. It was weird that no one was picking up the phone. He was sure...well, he had hoped, his parents were over the fact he dropped out of college.

His last message was sent to his mom: **Can I get a job at the bank?**

He had sent that about a week ago; still no response. He figured at least Tricia would hit him back. She had the phone practically glued to her body. He exited the conversation with his mom to click on Tricia’s the last message they had was about a month ago.

Where the heck was his family? Had everyone really given up on him? Craig rang the doorbell again.

“Look who we have here.” Kenny opened the door. “Craig fucking laser eyes Tucker.” He was wearing a ratty old white T-shirt and skinny jeans.

“Shut up.” Craig flipped Kenny off. He couldn’t deny it. Whatever had happened those couple weeks ago, hadn’t sparked up again. But his vision had been acting funny—he hoped delirium wasn’t a pre-symptom of covid. “Here.” He pulled out a face mask. “You look like you needed one yesterday.”

“Eh?” Kenny took the mask, looking at it like some foreign object from space. “Thanks, InwaJesus.”

“I’m not a God.”

Kenny tilted his head. He seemed to mumble, “You took my life like you were one.” He crossed his arms and clicked his tongue. “At least you remember something from that night. Come to accept my offer?”

Craig fumbled with adjusting his face mask. “For Tweek.” Oh and he’d steal the duffel bag back.

“He knows?”

“No. But I’m doing this _for_ him. For us.”

Kenny broke into a grin. “That works for me.” He swung the door open wider. “Welcome to the life of riches my guy.”

Stepping inside did make Craig feel like he was walking into the life of riches—the fancy high ceiling entrance, large kitchen, nice living room. It wasn’t even like the house was an expensive mansion, just a nice size with a few extra rooms. 

“Ken, who was at the—?” Butters looked away from the large flat screen tv. “Oh, hey! Long time no see. How’s the married life treating you and Tweek?” He sounded slightly relieved that it was just Craig and not another random chick Kenny was bringing over.

“We’re fine.” Craig pulled off his sneakers.

“You can put them in the coat closet.” Butters said.

They had a closet just for coats? Craig had forgotten that normal people didn’t change out their main closet as an emergency escape underpants gnome space. He put his shoes in the neatly organized closet. He wanted to live like this someday. But if he ever got rid of that space, Tweek might have a meltdown.

“We’re heading up to talk business.” Kenny planted a kiss on Butters’ forehead. “You can keep watching the movie without me.”

“Okay.” Butters said. He checked his phone. “He won’t stay long, right?”

“Why ya got someone coming?” Kenny asked.

“Maybe.” Butters started typing something. “Not like it’s any of your business. Red told me about how you were flirting with her.”

“Alright. Chill. I was just asking.” Kenny let out what sounded like a nervous chuckle. He combed through Butters’ hair. “You know I got hoes... But baby boy, you’re my favorite.” He kissed Butters’ again.

Butters’ face reddened. “Ken! You have company!” He pushed him away.

“Nah, Craig is just Craig.” Kenny started walking towards the stairs. “Oh yeah tell your chick there are microwave meals in the fridge if she stays over. We could have a double whammy.”

Craig only knew as much about Kenny and Butters as what he was told, which was how they were in an _‘open relationship_ ’ so they could have affairs on the side. It was funny because Tweek would ramble about how Butters would rant to him on Kenny bringing home another dirty whore. And Kenny in vise versa would rant to him about when Butters brought home another hoe. He didn’t get why the two of them would be jealous, it just didn’t sound very open.

“I don’t know how you do it. If someone touched Tweek, I’d be sooo mad.” Craig followed Kenny upstairs.

“Mad enough to break someone’s neck?” Kenny cracked his knuckles.

“I don’t know. Tweek just would never cheat on me. So I haven’t worried about it.”

“Oh.”

Craig didn’t like the way Kenny said that. It briefly reminded him of how Kenny challenged Tweek’s loyalty to him. Just because Kenny couldn’t get Butters didn’t mean that he and Tweek were the same.

They were happily married, going on four years now. They were even looking to adopt another guinea pig for Stripe to play with when they got the money.

Money. 

“How much are we—“

“Hold on.” Kenny turned the corner and opened up a bedroom door. “Let me show you what we’re working with.”

Craig stepped into the room after Kenny. Based off the emptiness aside from a bed and a dresser, it looked like a guest room.

“Take a seat.” Kenny pointed at the bed. “And try not to look at me too hard, dying hurts man.” He walked over to the closet.

“How would you know that?” Craig asked.

Kenny paused from rummaging through the closet. He turned his head slightly as if to examine Craig’s expression.

“You remember the lasers? It was almost like when we were younger, but you didn’t need any platform or device to trigger it. You triggered your power.”

“No.” Craig shook his head. It wasn’t like that. It couldn’t be like that. “I don’t have any powers.”

“What normal person can shoot fucking lasers?” Kenny asked.

“I am not a God.” Craig said it as if to reassure himself. “I live a boring life as a college dropout with my husband and our pet guinea pig.” He felt a pulsing feeling fill his head. Ugh! His eyes were starting to burn again. “I just want to keep living my boring life.”

“At first, I thought it was a joke too. But powers are nothing to take lightly. You should use them for—“

Craig narrowed his eyes. Kenny turned his head and shut up about it, probably out of fear.

Kenny went back to shifting through some boxes. He finally came out with a few Ziploc bags of cocaine and weed. “Your first job, I’ll give you something easy to sell.” He held up the bags. “I even have a few clients waiting on some of this tonight.”

“So all I do is give ‘em the goods and collect the cash?” Craig figured that wasn’t too bad. The risk was getting caught...jail was a scary thought.

“Basically.” Kenny placed the bags down. “I also still have this.” He knelt down under the bed to pull out the black duffel bag. “I thought about what you said...about the kids.”

“You did?”

“I was high and not thinking right. Now that I’m in my good state of mind, I can’t bring myself to sell any of it.”

“Let’s give all the money we make from it to the hospital then. Obviously we can’t just show up with weed.”

“Unless…?”

“Stop it.” Craig never liked when Kenny said that. It meant that both of them were about to go down the rabbit hole and get into a boatload of trouble. “I don’t know what you’re gonna say but stop it.”

“I’ve been looking into Incan culture.”

“We dropped this topic.”

“Here me out, even if you don’t believe it, just pretend again. Those guys are going to go back to Peru and spread the news anyway, so we might as well make something good come out of it.” Kenny unzipped the duffel bag. He seemed to be taking in and finally accepting the gravity of the situation. “What if we get a hashtag trending?”

“It’s a lie.” Craig said. “I say we pretend this whole buzz isn’t happening.”

“But if the news media gets to it…”

“So? One news article. There are a billion more, the odds someone I know will see it is zero to none.” Craig sighed. “Can’t we just forget about it? We donate to some children’s hospital and we’re done. It fully atones from our sin.”

“Maybe…” Kenny said.

Craig swore that if in three hours some dumb hashtag was trending he’d get Tweek to punch Kenny dead in his face. “Anything else?”

“Nah. I’ll be with you on your first run, I wouldn’t let you do it alone. I’ll text you more information and updates later.” Kenny said.

Craig couldn’t believe he was doing this. But the sooner he got this over with the sooner he could move on with his life. “And I get to keep a cut of the money to use however I want, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Just checking.”

“Tonight, bring your car and whatever else, I’ll bring this.” Kenny clung to the black duffel bag as if it was a lifeline. “Deal?”

“Deal.” Craig agreed.

* * *

_**Tweek** _

Money was a touchy subject in Tweek’s family. He didn’t know how to bring up to his parents that he needed more of it. The easiest person to turn to was his mother, she would at least not turn a deaf ear to his pleads. But she wasn’t the final decision maker. His father—Richard—held onto the family’s finances with an iron grip.

Tweek tried to steady his trembling fingers on the bottle of whip cream. If anything they shouldn’t be shocked or upset he was asking, right? But honestly… Crap! His finger slipped and instead of a nice cone pattern on top of the drink the sweet scream slipped off the side and coated his wrist.

If he wasn’t his face mask, he would have just licked the delicious whip off. Too many germs. Too high risk.

His mother brushed past him carrying a drink over to the front counter. “Order for Nichole!” She handed out the cup.

“Ngh…” Tweek shifted the half made drink in his hand. He hated having to restart. He set the drink down on the counter and grabbed a few napkins from across the counter. Maybe his mom or no one would notice. He hated public embarrassment.

His mom must have just been trying to push orders out among the rush, because she reached for the sloppy cold mess frappe he fucked up. Tweek quickly slid his non-sticky hand to stop her.

She looked down at the poorly written name on the cup, her expression contorting like the feel of whip cream wasn’t welcomed on her skin.

“My ngh...bad. I’ll redo it.” Tweek said.

His mother didn’t pause her carrying out of orders. She was in the customer service zone where basically the spirit had possessed her body to tune out everything else.

“Get me, two new java frappes, chocolate whip low fat milk and ten shots of espresso.” His mother said.

“Ten shots of espresso?” Tweek tossed the used napkin in the trash. “They should just take the meth and subtract the coffee.”

“Hi, Tweek!” Nichole waved at him from the dining area.

“Ngh...Nichole? You’re back from college?” Tweek asked.

“I’m on summer break!” Nichole sounded like she had a large smile hiding under her pink and purple mask. “Good to see you’re doing well.”

“Tweek, if you’re going to talk go mop the floor. You’re taking up space in the kitchen.” His mom brushed past him again to start making more drinks.

“But some people in here aren’t wearing face masks. You know how I feel about people not wearing masks!“

“Go mop the floor, please.”

Tweek swallowed. Okay. So far this wasn’t going as planned. “Ngh...we shouldn’t even let them in without masks.” He walked deeper into the back, his shoes sticking against the tile floor.

There was a mop and broom leaning against a corner in the back wall. Near the mop was a yellow bucket and a nozzle. He turned on the water and poured in a generous amount of suds.

He watched as his mom hustled to the back to get more ingredients.

“Hey, mom.”

“Do you need help carrying something, sweetie?” His mother opened the larger freezer. 

“N-no.” Tweek actually hadn’t needed help to carry or push the mop bucket since forever. He was a bit shaky sometimes but he managed. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

“About how to make the new drink we added?”

“It’s not really about work. Well...it kinda is. But kinda not.”

His mom slammed the freezer shut. “Are you bleeding to death?” She narrowed her eyes as if expecting to see a new knife cut on Tweek’s already band-aid covered fingers.

“No.”

“Alright, band-aids are—”

“I didn’t hurt myself!” Tweek waved his hands to show he was fine. “I wanted to ask you about getting a raise.” He searched his mother’s face for any noticeable signs of disapproval—there was none.

She kept herself focused on getting some more ingredients. She reached under the counter to go into a bin with the label _espresso_ on it. She pulled out two bags of meth and shoved them in an innocent looking shaker.

That was the code word—espresso. 

Usually the coffee would only have a 3 or 7 mg of meth, but the second anyone asked for espresso shots the power would come out and be poured in by the bagful. Meth would dissolve easily in someone’s coffee and they’d sip on without a clue.

Tweek felt guilty once he discovered how WRONG it was. He was addicted to the stuff for a while, until well...he actually couldn’t remember what made him stop. He knew when he did though, around the end of 9th grade, he remembered it was the first time he kissed Craig on the lips and they made out in his car. Strangely, Tweek never craved meth again after that. It was so weird—like Craig’s lips and his taste had wiped his tongue and brain clean of any craving other than him.

“Careful, watch the water bucket.” His mother said.

“Gah! R-right! Sorry.” Tweek scrambled to turn off the water flow. “So what about the raise?”

“Ask your father for now. I’m a little busy up here.”

Tweek sighed. That was the answer he was expecting. He grabbed the mop and dragged the bucket out into the dining area.

There was a line of people waiting to receive their order. None of them looked very happy. Many people were checking their phones or their Apple watches.

He set down the mop and began cleaning. Cleaning had become second nature to him now, scrub the corners, knock some straw wrappers from view, make the floor look less sticker than it really was. Rinse. Mop. Repeat.

“Tweek.”

“Ngh?” Tweek almost jumped out his damn skin. Anxiety made him get short breath when someone called his name. He hated customers' complaints...They’d always go off about dumb stuff like cold muffins or not enough sweetness. He stole a glance up to see warm dark brown eyes.

“I didn’t mean to get you in trouble up there.”

“It...ngh...okay, Nichole.” Tweek moved his mop under Nichole’s table. It wasn’t her fault. He had messed up on the whip cream during rush hour.

“You don’t sound okay.” 

Tweek figured he was having one of those moments where his words didn’t quite fit in his mouth correctly and everything would come out in funny sounds. A strange tingly feeling would hit his tongue; it suddenly wasn’t his own anymore.

“Arraag...working on fixing that! Nothing that happened was you.” Tweek said.

Nichole nodded. “In that case, wanna go on break and hang with us?” She pulled down her mask to sip on her Frappe, aka—meth in a cup.

“Nah. I got to work all the hours I can. Craig and I need the money.” Tweek rinsed the mop out. The clean water got dirtier each cycle. “Maybe later. How long is your...gah...summer break?”

“Hold up.” Red took a seat beside Nichole. “You’re not stealing my best buddy. I just got her back.”

“Hey, Red.” Tweek was never really close friends with Red. He only knew her because she hung out with Nichole a bunch growing up. They were also kinda family now, Red was Craig’s cousin.

Red flipped her hair as if to show off her constellation piercing on her left ear that matched with the mask on her face. “Nichole’s hanging with me right now, but if you’re nice I might let you smoke with us.”

“I don’t smoke.” Tweek said. Last time he checked, Nichole didn’t smoke either.

“Bummer.” Red said. “Guess you’re too lame to hang with us.”

“Aw, come on. Don’t tease him like that.” Nichole laughed. “We’re not going to smoke, Tweek. We’re going to the mall.”

“Gah...mall means spending money.” Tweek pulled the mop from the bucket.

“If you need more money, we’re hiring some male strippers at the club downtown.” Red gave Tweek a quick once over. “No pole dancing required.”

“Tweek?” Nichole let out more laughter. “A stripper?”

“Yeah!” Tweek felt his face heat up. “Why the heck would you suggest that?” He stopped mopping and pointed at himself. “Look at me!”

“Most people are too drunk to notice.” Red snickered. She poked at Tweek’s chest. “If you give good lap dances, put on a good show, you’ll walk out with at least two hundred cash.”

“That’s not too bad.” Nichole said.

“Ngh!” Tweek jerked back. “Craig would never approve of it.”

“Hah!” Red laughed. “Everyone has something they’re into. Even if Craig says he likes it boring, it’s probably just to cover up some hidden kink.”

“Oh gosh!” Nichole turned to Tweek. “Is he still buying new guinea pigs to name Stripe?”

“Y-yeah.” Tweek said. “Stripe is our child.”

“You should totally go buy a pair of guinea pig ears. I’m sure you could get like a headband.” Red pulled out her phone. “They might sell it at Spencer's. They have everything kinky.”

“I feel like this is a trap to drag me to the mall. The mall is just crawling with covid. I know it!”

“Maybe. Or it’s a money making opportunity.”

Tweek took a strong sniff of the soapy cleaner hoping the bleach would knock out enough brain cells to make him think this was a good idea. “I need another way.”

“Have you heard about the #returnofsungodjesus it’s been trending all day?” Nichole flashed Tweek her Twitter feed. “Apparently a bunch of people believe Inti is reincarnated.”

“Who?” Tweek asked.

“He’s a major god in Inca mythology.” Red scrolled up on her phone, “God of the sun which they equivalent to agriculture growth and well being. But he was more so in stages rather than Greek mythology where Apollo brought the sun. The Inca divided his identity according to the stages of the sun, believing Inti to control everything the sun’s rays touched.”

“Source for that?”

“Wikipedia.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I can believe it. People are hyped about this?”

“I think it’s just a fun trend going on.” Nichole sipped on her frappe.

“Of course, he returned!” Red said. “It’s called returnofsungodjesus for a reason!”

“And then there are people like Red who take things to the next level.” Nichole said.

“It’s not the next level. There is a million dollar reward for anyone who finds and returns him to Cuzco!”

“Cuzco, isn’t that in Peru?” Tweek didn’t remember much from landform geography but he did recall something about Cuzco being the archaeological capital of the Americas. “That’s a heck of an expensive plane ticket.”

“For a million dollars it would be nothing to me!” Red grinned as if imagining the lavish lifestyle she could live. “I could buy a house and a new car! I would never have to work as a stripper again!”

“So stripping doesn’t make...gah... good money?” Tweek couldn’t believe Red was telling him this after she was the one trying to get him to become a stripper himself. He lifted his mop back into the soapy bucket of water. “Guess I’m stuck here forever.”

“Eh, well it’s my only job. But I’m sure if you did it on the side it would help you.” Red said.

“Or just be true to yourself, Tweek. Follow your dreams.” Nichole flashed him a smile as if trying to provide reassurance. But it was easy for her to say, she would forever be ever to flex about going to college to be a lawyer.

Tweek didn’t have dreams that paid bills. “Sure. I’ll settle for being broke. Just don’t forget about me when you make it big.” 

“Tweek, ya gotta learn to believe in yourself. You didn’t even try to test into college because you were scared of failure. You know how many colleges rejected me?”

“That’s because those college admission guys were stupid assholes. You’re the smartest person I know, Nichole. If you manage to make a name for yourself in the world, it will be like we all win.”

Red nodded. “And tracking down Inti is a good way to do that.”

“No way.” Nichole shook her head.

“Come on, remember when we were little kids and we’d play together and talk about our dreams, Nichole?” Red threw an arm around her. “Don’t ya want to feel that again?”

“I am feeling it. It comes with 3 classes I’m taking this summer.” Nichole sighed. “If this keeps up, I’ll have nothing to write my research paper about.”

“Tweek, talk some sense into her!”

“Sorry, Red. I need to get back to work.” Tweek said. “But if you do search, good luck.”

“Fine. Don’t come asking for a cut. I have top secret information that he might be located here in South Park.”

“Pff, okay now I know it’s a joke.” Nichole said.

“Ya know, I think Craig was saying something about that.” Tweek shrugged. “Ngh...it was a few nights ago. Maybe he might help you search.”

“My cousin.” Red said. “He hasn’t done anything weird has he?”

“No? Why?”

“No reason. Any lead is a lead.”

A lead is a lead. Well that was true. Maybe...Tweek glanced at the digital clock on the wall. It was around this time his father started counting the drawer from yesterday. His mother had given him a little lead…

“Hey, I’ll meet you guys in about ten minutes. Let me finish up this floor, then we can go to the mall.” Tweek said.

“Yes!” Nichole cheered. “I knew you’d warm up to it.”

Tweek pushed his mop along, cleaning the floor. He noticed the pick-up line had gotten shorter. His mother must be in a better mood now. He mopped up a few coffee spills and managed to avoid running over any shoes. 

He dragged the bucket near the back where he saw his father crunching numbers. Richard was hunched over the table, plugging in numbers into a calculator and jotting down the results in a notebook.

Tweek slowly mopped closer. He would occasionally glance at the amount on the table, even in the dim lighting the money resting in the drawer seemed endless.

Richard let out a little hum. He typed more numbers into the calculator.

“Hey, dad.” Tweek said, still moping around the table. “How’s it...ngh...going?”

“What do you want, son? I’m a little busy right now. If it’s a customer complaint tell your mother.” Richard didn’t even spare a look at him.

“Not that. I was wondering if we could talk.” Tweek said.

“Now?” Richard shuffled through a few papers.

“Just before you write my paycheck.”

Richard seemed to drop everything he was doing and grab the cash drawer like it meant more to him than Tweek. “What about money?”

“I just want a raise.” Tweek spoke slowly to ensure his voice didn’t crack. He needed his father to know he was serious about this. “I feel like I deserve it.”

“Son.” Richard released his death grip on the cash drawer. “We have big problems at hand right now. Your mom just informed me we’re running low on espresso and our usual supplier didn’t come through a few nights ago.”

“Oh?” Tweek didn’t know how to react to that. Was he supposed to be worried or something?

“Everyone buys coffee from here for the kick.” Richard circled a plot on the line graph showing the rise and fall of daily purchases. “Eight out of every ten customers ask for espresso.” He tapped the pen on his chin. “No kick, no customers.”

“Just find another supplier.” Tweek said.

“Ah, that’s the thing.” Richard lifted his head to look Tweek in the eyes. “I need you to find us one.”

WHAT!? Tweek blinked rapidly, his brain refusing to accept his own father just asked him to—

“It’s just part of the Tweak family business.” Richard took a sip of his steaming hot cup of triple shot espresso drink. “Our secret recipe.” He set down his cup. “There comes a time for everyone to contribute and take the secret to their grave.”

“But Craig—!”

“Now you’re thinking. I’m sure his supplier might have other products. Ask him who he deals with.”

Tweek felt his body start to shake. He wasn’t sure if it was from anger or fear of what he would be getting into, it was probably both. The gold and diamond encrusted ring on his finger never felt so heavy in his life. How could his father ask him to do that? They knew he was trying to curb Craig’s weed habit! His leg bumped into the bucket, water splashed out onto the floor in a puddle.

“Gah! You see this is exactly why I moved out! You guys stress me out with pr-pre-pressure!” Tweek took the mop and dragged it around the pre-spilled suds.

“Nobody makes you do anything. You can be like Craig sit around and do nothing and be broke.” Richard pulled out dollars from the drawer. “Just don’t expect FREE handouts.”

“See. You’re doing it right now, bringing up unnecessary stuff.” Tweek felt his grip on the plastic mop loosen. Stupid sweaty palms. Stupid nerves. He blinked rapidly. He really shouldn’t be upset, he knew what was coming. “Craig is my ngh...husband so I would appreciate it if you didn’t trash talk him.”

“It is the truth.” Richard said. “He can’t hold down a job and contributes nothing to—“

“I know you tell me a hundred times. He’s trying okay?”

“I’m just putting it in perspective for you. Even though you foolishly married Craig at eighteen, both of you now finally see that life isn’t easy.”

“But you choose not to make life easy! You’re making this difficult! I just want a little raise.”

“Minimum wage is $7.25 and you’re working full time. What more can you want, son?” Richard stopped counting the cash for a few seconds. “We’re a family owned and operated small business. You would take more money from your family?”

“I’m not taking it. I’m earning it.” Tweek mopped the floor harder. It was like his dad was blind to see all the sweat and tears he put into this job. Some days even he cut himself trying to clean up broken glass.

“No. You’re earning $7.25 and not a penny more.”

“Gah! I sometimes run the books. I know how well off you and mom are!”

“Wow.” Richard sighed. “Ya know Tweek, I once told your grandpa those same words.” He scribbled down something on the notepad. “You know what he told me?”

Tweek stopped mopping and raised a brow.

“He said when I owned the business everything I made in profits was mine to keep.” Richard patted the old table. “Once when you own this place, you’ll get to keep all the profits.”

“I’m so tired of your stories that don't help me at all.” Tweek mumbled under his breath.

“But I think you’re lying about why you need the money.” Richard said.

Tweek shoved the mop into the bucket. “Why would I lie? What reason do I have to—“

“Why don’t you ask your friends for money if it’s so important?”

“Because they’re my friends, you're my family?”

“So not afraid to screw it to your family. Sure, not pay us back. Not even do a simple task of keeping the family business alive.”

“Espresso shouldn’t keep the family business alive! Aragaah! Listen to yourself, we’re coffee makers not drug dealers.” Tweek sighed. He had to stop before his tongue twisting came back. “C-can we try coffee without it? Just to see the customers reactions at least?”

Richard clicked the pen in his hand.

Tweek felt a hand rub his back followed by the sound of his mother’s voice.

“You like the way we live right, Tweek? We get you nice things like new phones each time you accidentally break your old one. We treat you to family dinners in fancy Denver restaurants. We pay for you and Craig when we go on family vacations.” His mother said. “Money does all that.”

“Mom look at me, ngh!” Tweek pointed a shaky finger at himself. “You put money over my health all my life and now I’m paying thousands of dollars worth of medical bills.” He was sure if his parents would have gotten him off meth sooner, he wouldn’t be a trembling over caffeinated mess.

“See? We’re covering half of that. Didn’t think of that when you asked for money.” Richard said.

“Aarrgghh! You’re both missing the point."

“Bring us the goods, sweetheart.” His mother said. Oh, the irony of the fact, her face mask had the words, _peace and love_ sewed on it. “Then maybe we can have another talk later.”

Maybe? All he got was maybe. Tweek felt his heart sink to his stomach. He began mopping the floor again. “Sure, what—ngh—ever.” He was sure his parents just wanted to baby him forever.

* * *

_**Craig** _

Craig should have known something was up when Kenny texted him one hour before the deal was supposed to take place. The message said: **I gotta hit up my other plug for a friend. Crazy huh? I have no meth to sell. Meet up with Stan. I gave him the goods and here’s the address.** Typically Kenny.

Craig tapped on the steering wheel, his thumbs drumming out a steady beat. He tried to match with the sound of crickets chirping outside, but some large black bug kept circling the car with an annoying buzz. 

Gosh, what was it with Stan’s place and bugs? It was like him and Wendy had an outdoor terrarium. They had wild grass, exotic flowers, and a bunch of bugs/insects were attracted to them.

He tensed up as a large almost wasp looking creature flew a little too close to the windshield. He’d been waiting in this stupid driveway for almost fifteenth minutes. Time was ticking, gas was burning, and Stan still hadn’t come out of the house.

He checked his phone to ensure no plans had again changed last minute. Still no messages from his parents or Tricia. He scrolled up. A message from Tweek? 

_Honey, one picture message._

Craig stared at the picture for a few seconds, then checked the time stamp. **8:45pm**. Okay..so it was recent. He typed a message back,

**Craig: Wat r u wearing?**

**Tweek: Did u see pic?**

**Craig: Ye dats y I need to know wtf ur doing.**

**Tweek: U no like?**

**Craig: Pull off da ears n look in the mirror. That’s who I like.**

**Tweek: aw, u r so boring.**

**Craig: ty**

_Honey is typing…_ The words disappeared before reappearing again.

**Craig: fr tho. Y did u have those on? u want attention or something?**

**Tweek: ???**

**Craig: It’s a really weird picture.**

**Tweek: Just play along for once...PLZ**

**Craig: I guess.**

_Honey sent a picture._

**Tweek: Full outfit.**

Craig clicked on the picture to get a better quality—Tweek was wearing brown tights with a brown and white over sized knitted sweater with obvious gaps to reveal slithers of skin. Skin. He could almost see through the brown tights, they hugged Tweek’s hips and brought out the shape of his fat, smackable ass.

**Craig: U took this in a mirror?**

**Tweek: U said to take the ears off and look in one.**

Craig could imagine it, Tweek taking a side pose to highlight the best angle of his beautiful body. He looked so cute in the large sweater...So smol and his cheeks were so chubby. Tweek was a goddamn snack.

**Craig: U wearing underwear?**

**Tweek: Yeah bc the fabric is scratchy.**

**Craig: Ok.**

**Tweek: u want em off? (^*^)/**

**Craig: no?**

**Tweek: U R NOOOOT PLAYIN RIGHT!**

**Craig: I don’t care.**

**Tweek: anWHJawoapDJASL**

Craig couldn’t believe he was about to do this. He might have to delete all his messages, drive wipe his phone and burn it. But, Tweek was probably making that cute pout face with his nose all scrunched up and his fists all trembling ready to punch somebody, he couldn’t reject that.

**Craig: Take ‘em off for me.**

He wanted to see Tweek spread his legs in those see-through tights, the way his erection would curl up to his stomach and how the thin fabric was stretched all because of—

**Craig: Send proof**

_Honey sent a picture_

Craig clicked to enlarge the photo quicker this time. Tweek was rubbing himself through his tights, as if the itchy fabric was unbearable. He wished that was his hand. He wished he could feel Tweek’s stiff marble, instead of waiting for Stan to come out of his damn house.

**Craig: R u wet?**

**Tweek: YES**

**Tweek: Need u here**

Craig felt his blood flow south. This is why he didn’t _do_ these things. It would make all his thoughts dirty… 

He wanted to pound so deeply into Tweek’s suffocating heat. He wanted to stretch him out to accommodate his large size. He wanted Tweek to… He started typing, **G-o-o-d.**

“Alright, I’m ready.” Stan swung open the car door and jumped inside. The car rocked slightly, making it more difficult for Craig to press the send button on his phone.

Come on, send.

SEND.

“You know how we're getting there?” Stan closed the door.

Craig placed the phone down in the cup holder and looked down at the message he sent.

**Craig: Good Boy.**

Damn his over sized fingers! He must have hit the word ‘ _boy’_ the first time when he was trying to hit send. The phone screen slowly faded out to black—auto lock. It wasn’t like he could reach over and correct it now.

“Kenny gave me the directions.” Craig said.

“Cool.” Stan clicked on his seat belt. “I never took you for someone who would do this, Craig.”

“I never thought I’d be doing this either.” 

“I mean, I only help out Kenny because my dad makes me for his stupid weed farm. Soon as I get my marine biology degree, I’m ghosting.”

“This is just an in and out thing.” Craig backed the car out the driveway and turned onto the main road.

“Let's get going then.” Stan pulled a black face mask over his nose and mouth. He kicked the back of the product at his feet as if to say all the inventory was there so there should be no worries. It would be a simple split 33-33-33, assuming that all the extra zeros got put back in Kenny’s pocket.

“Yeah pull the directions up on my phone.” Soon as the words left Craig’s mouth he regretted it. Why would he say that when he had just been—

Stan raised a brow. “Why is Tweek asking, and I quote, Since I’m good will you get a collar?”

“S-stripe.” Craig almost choked on air. What in the world was Tweek thinking? “He’s talking about getting a collar for Stripe.”

“I didn’t know they make collars for guinea pigs.”

Craig didn’t know either but he was sure some money making manic had thought of it. “Yep.” He snatched his phone back. “Ya know I’ll pull up the location and connect it to Bluetooth.” He unlocked the screen and automatically the messages opened up.

Okay, what could he send that would make Tweek shut up for the next hour and maybe a half…

**Craig: Get ready for me, bby. Finger yourself.**

There. Tweek would be busy for sometime, so now he could focus on completing this drug operation.

Craig went to Google maps and typed in the location, then hit start. He shifted the car into gear and drove forward.

_Turn Right On—_

_One new picture message from Honey_

Stan clicked his tongue. “Dude, how are we supposed to—”

_One new picture message from Honey_

“Tweek is sending pictures of different kinds of guinea pig collars.” Craig lied, mentally envisioning the lewd photos Tweek was taking.

_One new picture message from Honey_

“That many pictures?”

“Tweek is indecisive.”

_One new picture message from Honey_

“Can you show me?” Stan asked.

Craig had never been so grateful for a red light in his life. He slammed on the brakes. “No.”

“I’ve never seen guinea pig collars before, so could you just…”

“No. You have a phone look it up for yourself.”

_Continue straight on—_

_One new message from Honey: Waiting for you to come home. X O X O X O blowing kiss smiling emoji._

Stan had this look on his face that seemed to scream he didn’t believe that Tweek was sending pictures of guinea pig collars anymore.

Craig cleared his throat. “Ya know, Tweek and I—“ He drove forward with the flow of traffic.

“Don’t even lie to my face again, man.” Stan said.

Well Craig couldn’t argue with that. He checked the map on the phone screen to ensure he was headed the right way. It seemed like he was heading to the plaza where Kenny had taken him to smoke last time. Which was also the place…No. no. Those guys were just crackheads. Nothing more.

He wasn’t some ancient Inca God.

This transaction would go without a hitch and…

“Dude, you missed the turn!” Stan pointed at a sign.

“Oh shit.” Craig narrowed his eyes to try and catch a view from one of the mirrors. What did that say? His vision started to go blurry again.

_Finding new route_

“How’d you miss that?”

“You were distracting me.”

“Look man, you better not be chickening out.” Stan sounded more upset now. “You don’t know how many arguments I had with Wendy to be here right now. She is all upset and going wild over the fact I might catch covid. So you better not chicken out.”

“Nobody’s chicken nothing.” Craig turned on his signal and took a U-turn. The concrete barrier seemed to change positions, one second it was closer to his left the other it seemed halfway up the road. He swerved slightly, “Did you see—“

“What the hell are you doing?” Stan shouted. “Pull over! I’m driving!”

“No. My car. Fuck you.”

“You must have taken edibles or something! Let me drive.”

_Keep straight for one mile_

Craig frowned. Now was not the time for his vision to be tripping out. He used one hand to rub his temples. Seriously, did no one else see that? “I’m good. I just thought I saw something.” He returned his focus to the road. “It’s been a long day.”

“You just get out and do the transaction when we get there.” Stan shook his head as if regretting all of this. “I’m driving back.”

* * *

_**Craig and Tweek** _

Craig returned home with $2,385 dollars. He had counted it twice, even pre-subtracted the money for charity. He was $2,385 dollars richer in one night.

One night.

He had to work for 2 or 4 months to save up this much at his regular minimum wage job. Yet he made the same amount in 2 hours.

Crazy! If he didn’t do it himself he’d deem it impossible. He stepped into the bedroom, flipping on the lights.

“C-Craig?” Tweek sat up in the bed and wiped the sleep from his eyes.

“Shh...Honey.” Craig hushed him. He set his backpack down. He walked over to the bed to tuck Tweek back in. “Go back to sleep. I’m fine.”

Tweek opened up his arms and pulled Craig into a hug. “Stop coming home late.” He tugged down Craig’s face mask to see his usual stoic expression.

“I answered your texts tho.” Craig said. A warm feeling seemed to bubble up in his chest.

“Gah!” Tweek pushed Craig away. “I was all prepared and you stood me up.” He tossed off the rest of the cover to reveal the same outfit he took pictures in.

“I’m here, now.” Craig leaned over and ran a single finger up Tweek’s thighs. He paused, reaching the spot where the over sized sweater overlapped with the tights’ waistband.

Tweek moved to face the other way. “Yeah.” He gently pushed Craig away again. It didn’t feel right anymore. Plus he’d already... He got out of bed and stretched. Out the corner of his eye, he noticed the backpack on the floor. “What’s this?”

Craig placed his mask on the nightstand besides Tweek’s own.

Tweek reached in the dirty backpack. He pushed a few things around until his fingers brushed against a familiar thing that made his breath hitch.

“I made that today.” Craig tensed up, his eyes glued to Tweek’s reaction. “That’s why I came in so late.”

“Is this even real?” Tweek mumbled in a state of disbelief.

“You tell me.” A cunning look appeared in Craig’s eyes. 

“R-really?” Tweek babbled out. The longer he stared at the band of cash, the more joy exploded in every cell of his body. He had always known that Craig’s never one for saying sappy shit like, “ _I can’t live without you.”_ That was the type of stuff, he said. Craig always did sappy nonverbal communication to convey a sly confession of adoration like, “ _I’ll do anything for you._ ” 

Tweek thought that made Craig a little crazy...but he loved it.

“I was going to surprise you.” Craig nuzzled Tweek’s hair. “That’s why I told you to go back to sleep.”

Tweek felt his heart ready to burst. He was swooning in a dream—money and everything he could buy with it.

“Honey,” Craig’s black hair covered his eyes. He scooped up the backpack and pulled out the cash. “I’m right here.”

“You’re so hot, right now.” Tweek blinked back into reality. Craig is right here. He’s here, he’s brought money, and he’s… A loss for words invades his tongue, as he stared at Craig. 

Craig wrapped his arms around Tweek’s waist. “Babe...you’re still commando?”

“Gah!” Tweek cocked his head over, attempting to stop his hands from feverishly shaking. He’d never felt so much money in his life. The stack was so thick. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, egging on his courage. “I...I was going to change back but I fell asleep after I c—!”

Craig silenced Tweek with a kiss. He didn’t need to hear all that. His free hand dropped lower to feel Tweek’s barely clothed crotch—the fabric around it felt soaking wet. “Without me?” He murmured.

“Ngh…” Tweek nipped at Craig’s bottom lip.

“Go ahead.” Craig moved inwards, his lips brushing up against Tweek’s ears. “Touch it.”

Tweek stroked the band of cash. It felt so cold in his hand, so powerful. He groaned, “I’ve never held so much money in my life!”

“Yeah...Yeah...” Craig nodded. “You like that?”

“Yes.” Tweek slipped his hand around the rubber band trying to set the money free. He rocked back against Craig. “It’s so so so...You’re amazing. You know, I believed in you, Craig. I always did.” He felt so happy. His Craig. His Craig going out and bringing home motherfucking bread.

“I made it all for you, honey.” Craig placed his hand over Tweek’s trembling one, to help him undo the rubber band.

It broke with a pop and so did Tweek’s self control.

Tweek was all over Craig, hugging him, kissing him, telling him how this was going to save them from eviction and more debt.

Craig stroked him, coaxing him back into the bed. He climbed on top of Tweek, pulling off his cute sweater and tossing it aside. Money rained down on Tweek’s body—twenties, fifties, hundreds. A bunch of hundreds danced across his slender build, as he bucked his hips up and down, grinding against Craig’s hardness.

“You’re umm...eager.” Craig croaked, trying to settle Tweek down. He picked up a single twenty and ran the paper over Tweek’s bare chest.

Tweek gasped and squirmed. It almost felt as good as Craig running his tongue between…and licking… latching onto... He threw his head back. “If you make this even three times a week we’d be rich!” Tweek groaned.

Craig used a thumb to mess with Tweek’s right nipple and used the corner of the twenty to lightly circle around the left. He figured now wasn’t a good time to tell Tweek he didn’t plan to make this an everyday thing. But then again...the sounds coming from Tweek’s mouth made this an _experience_.

“I’m so...gah...glad you’re not choosing the marines.” Tweek said.

“Uh-huh.” Craig laid a kiss on Tweek’s chest. He breathed in deeply, the smell of arousal from between Tweek’s legs filled their shared bedroom. He loved seeing Tweek like this, desperate for his voice, his hands, his dick.

“Ah...all this money.” Tweek rubbed his cheek against the pillow as if the dollars resting on top of it could embed into his skin. “So much… it’s so much!”

“It's only about two thousand.” Craig said.

“We'll add that to our bank account.” Tweek wiggled his fingers—the same fingers he was once touching himself with—as he dug them deeper into the sheets. “We'll have like three thousand.” 

Craig moved the twenty to pinch Tweek’s right nipple. He gave it a long good squeeze, then turned slightly.

“Araagh!” Tweek couldn't close his eyes. He was hyper focused on every move of Craig's hands, focused on the money in his hand. “Please, please...please…”

“Sshh.” Craig shushed him. “The neighbors are sleeping.” He grabbed another wad of cash and shoved it in Tweek’s tights.

“I can’t...ngh...help it. I like dirty money and dirty men.” Tweek smirked. He reached a hand up to skim over Craig’s face. “A dastardly ngh...combination.”

“I’m not.” Craig rolled his eyes. He wasn’t dirty, maybe boring, but not well… He kissed Tweek’s lips—chapped as ever, but he’d never get enough.

“Rut against me.” Tweek commanded. “And...and...make me feel sexy.”

Craig backed away. Tweek waited in bed eagerly. He rubbed more of the cash over his body, imaging swimming in a pool of money. Tweek shifted as Craig came back in the bed only wearing his boxers.

“Make you feel sexy?” Craig repeated. “What the fuck?”

“Strippers are sexy, right?” Tweek asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been to a strip club.” Craig paused, “Have you?”

“No! I just...”

“Wanted to feel sexy?”

“Ngh! Be quiet! I shouldn’t have even said it. You didn’t even think the guinea pig ears were cute.”

“Was guinea pig gonna be your stripper name?”

Tweek shook his head.

“Good. You have a ring on your hand, so people know to look and not touch.” Craig rutted against Tweek’s leg.

Tweek cooed as Craig took his sweet and precious time. The feel of Craig’s mouth on his skin, left him sensitive and greedy for more. He pawed at Craig’s shoulders, enjoying when he sandwiched him—mattress, Tweek, Craig. It felt so good. He forgot to give a warning before...

Craig felt the brush of fabric against wet tights and he wondered how many times Tweek had cum for him today. He slipped the brown tights down to free Tweek from his itchy prison. “Better?”

“Mmm!” Tweek nodded. Pleasure flowed through every inch of him. He was so happy. He didn’t have to be a stripper. He didn’t have to beg his parents again. He was surrounded by money. Craig was gonna bring home _more_ money!

Craig grunted, spilling himself in his shorts. “Aw, now...I have to do laundry tomorrow.” He slumped over.

Tweek hugged his legs around Craig’s waist to hold him still. “I didn’t tremble this time.”

“I know. I’m sooo proud.” Craig said. 

Tweek just knew that he was probably grinning like an idiot. This was probably such a dumb accomplishment but it really meant so much to him. “Did you smoke today?”

“Y-yeah but…” Craig scratched the back of his neck. “You seen that dumb trending hashtag?”

“Eh, Nichole showed me one.”

“Kenny started that bullshit.”

Tweek was confused about where this was coming from but okay. “I thought we agreed to stop hanging out with them?”

“We did?”

“Eh, you were high so you probably don’t…”

“WHAT ELSE DID I TELL YOU?” Craig slammed his hands on Tweek’s shoulders.

“Ar—are you, okay?” Tweek felt his heart skip a beat. It was unlike Craig to raise his voice or shout so passionately.

Craig blinked. “I’m…” He slowly removed his hands. “My bad. I’ve just been having weird eye issues and blacking out.”

“You were complaining about your eyes on that day too.” Tweek said. “Maybe you should go to the optometrist.” He noticed how Craig seemed to freeze up. “I can come too if you want.”

Craig took an uneasy breath. He felt like that wasn’t a good idea. But for the past weeks since the incident his vision had been screwing out. “Alright.”


	3. Jumping at Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe things weren’t going to be that bad.  
> “Cousin?”  
> Click. Click. Click. Click.   
> Sure, his family would be sad. His mom would be heartbroken. His dad would be in disbelief. Tricia might kill him before anyone in jail could.  
> He bit his lip.  
> Click. Click. Click.  
> He was sure that Tweek would take good care of Stripe.

_**Craig** _

“Well Mr.Tucker, I’ve never seen anything quite like these results.” The optometrist, a short middle aged woman, adjusted the device hovering inches from Craig. Her face mask was one of the more fancy ones with the curve and little vent.

“What does..aaraaghh... that mean?” Tweek was fidgeting in his seat. He had gotten up and paced around the cramped office a few times. “Is Craig gonna go blind?”

“I’m not sure. I would dare to say your husband is quite lucky.” The woman pushed the device out the way. “Based on the eye scans we took earlier, he was supposed to be blind by now.”

“NGH?”

“Deep breaths, Tweek.” Craig said. He leaned back in the patient chair. Despite the cushions, the pleather wasn’t really comfortable and didn’t do very well absorbing sweat.

The woman pointed to the letter chart on the wall. “Read the third row.”

“L-E-F-O-D-P-C-T.” Craig said.

“See? He has perfect vision. The only issue is that his pupillary distance is a little weird.” She circled something on her clipboard. “That could be because…” She walked over a little counter and picked up a file. “Something interesting we found while examining his eyes.”

She lifted up two pictures, one had the word, ‘ _normal_ ’ the other had the words, _‘Macular Degeneration_ ’ then she tapped her pen on a page that looked full of notes.

“His eyes look like the macula,” She motioned at the parts of the eye chart on the wall. “A specialized central part of the retina is severely damaged. It looked almost burned.” She held up the picture. “At first I thought it was just early Macular Degeneration since you confessed to your bad smoking habits, but your family history doesn’t show anyone with eye diseases.”

Craig couldn’t believe this was the product of being annoyed for two weeks by Tweek to go to the Optometrist and an hour and a half at this stupid office. All that and nobody knew what was wrong with him? His eyes were still burning... nobody had given him anything to stop the itch. Why was he here? Just to suffer…

“You gah...think Craig has some weird unknown eye disease?” Tweek fumbled with the thin string around his left ear, making the mask on his face get slightly lopsided.

“I wouldn’t say that. I actually think he might have early onset Glaucoma.” She set down one picture to point at the normal eye. “Based on the tonometer readings. It’s caused when the fluid pressure inside the eyes slowly rises, damaging the optic nerve.” She sighed. “But as for his described issues, like itchy and pained eyes, those can be seen as the development of Cataracts.”

Tweek flashed Craig a concerned look, it seemed to read: getting that fixed might cost a lot of money.

“You can see here.” The woman picked up an ophthalmoscope. She switched on the light on the device and shined it in Craig’s eye. 

Craig felt his eye twitch and start to water. A blue hue seemed to wash over his vision. Everything he saw was placed in a blue filter—Tweek’s mask, the doctor’s tool, the light itself.

“His eyes are glowing blue. I’ve seen them look like that before.” Tweek said.

“Yeah, usually cataracts are a clouding of the eye lens, it blocks light from hitting the retina. I’ve never seen cataracts that match a person’s eye color.” She moved the light around, then tilted Craig’s head more upwards. “Does it sometimes feel like you’re looking through a frosty or fogged-up window?”

That was why the world was looking blue? Craig wondered if that was also why when he was driving that one time, the world got all trippy. If the light got blocked maybe that’s why his reality would sometimes go all weird.

“Yes. It’s happening, right now.” Craig said. “But it doesn’t happen all time. It’s only when something seems to trigger it.”

“Sensitivity to light or glare is normal in the beginning stages of cataracts.” She lowered the light. “But as I said earlier, I’m shocked you can still see at all.” She cleaned off the tool and placed it back on the counter. “But God was never one to not give out surprising miracles.”

God.

Or if he was a God.

Craig dispelled the thought. It was just a thing most people say, “ _God gives out miracles._ ” there were no subliminal messages. He blinked—his vision was returning back to normal now that the light was gone. Natural colors once again decorated the world.

“What do you recommend?” Tweek asked.

“To help with the discomfort I would buy some eye drops. He can take them anytime his eyes hurt.” She took a sheet of paper and handed it to Tweek. “I would say get a follow up check for glaucoma at another place just to get their opinion. The only thing I would say about the cataracts is look into surgery.”

“I see.” Tweek said, quietly. He clutched the paper in his hand, eyes skimming over the words. “Thanks for your time.” He walked towards the door.

Craig stood up to follow behind Tweek. They exited the office, heading back up to the front desk. He glanced over Tweek’s shoulder. The paper had a bunch of numbers under right and left eyes, then some more words about eye care and the prescribed eye drops were highlighted at the bottom.

“Sorry.” Craig frowned. He could tell Tweek was worried over this. He didn’t know if it was because of the cost or for his sake.

Tweek let out an exasperated sigh. “Don’t ngh...say that. This isn’t your fault.”

“Don’t your parents pay for half your medical stuff?”

“Yeah, that’s why you're on my insurance plan. It covers pharmaceutical drugs too.” Tweek walked up to the check-out counter and pulled out his wallet. “Your health has no cost. So don’t lie about how you feel for the sake of our bank account.”

Craig really wondered how much he told Tweek that night. He shoved his hands in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He pretended to be uninterested as Tweek talked with the young woman about how much his insurance would pay. He never got that stuff—bills, insurance, payment plans...he just let Tweek handle any financial endeavor. But sometimes…

“Craig.” Tweek spun the little paypad resting just outside the plastic shield.

Craig lowered his phone. He looked at the numbers. Carry the 5, divided by 7.

“It's 200 dollars.” Craig said.

The lady sitting behind the desk/shield whistled as if she was impressed.

“My Craig was going to be an aerospace engineer!” Tweek said. “He can run numbers better than anyone. He made all A’s in calculus one and two, computer science and physics!” 

Craig felt like Tweek never missed a beat to show off all he could have been. He watched the lady’s expression, she seemed to look at him with pity. She probably saw his irritated pupils, then the prescription for eye drops and thought he had quit college because of his deprecating vision.

“Maybe you’ll find another way to use your talents.” The lady smiled at him.

Craig shrugged. He wasn’t sure he’d call being good at math a talent. A bunch of people were good at math. Now shooting lasers from his eyes, that was talent.

The lady took some more information from Tweek before handing him a paper bag with the prescription stapled on it. “Have a good day!” She said.

Tweek took Craig’s hand as they walked out of the building. The sun was still high in the sky and there was a nice breeze, so it wasn’t too hot outside.

“You hungry, babe?” Craig reached into his pocket to search for his car keys as they walked along the sidewalk. 

“Ngh... Yeah. I don’t have long for my lunch break though.” Tweek tugged at his shirt collar as if uncomfortable despite the nice weather. “We should get something quick, like pizza.”

“Pizza on a Tuesday?” Craig kept his head up, reading some of the signs in the shop windows.

“That sounds like a Drake song.” Tweek laughed.

“Put any word in front of On a Tuesday and it can be a Drake song.”

“McDonald's on a Tuesday. Chicken nuggets. We drive thru, no wait—ngh—ing.”

“Good hook. Get a fire beat and we’ll make millions, MC Tweek.” Craig said.

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”

“Yes.”

“I can’t stand you sometimes!”

“You’re the one who did a hammer time remix.”

“I was changing the rap game while you were getting your ass kicked.” Tweek hissed.

“The fuck did you just say to me?” Craig asked. “Last time I checked, I didn’t get my ass kicked that badly. I kicked yours.”

“You...ngh... always bring up bullshit from years ago!” Tweek pointed at Craig’s chest. “Each time we fight it ends in a draw and you know it!”

“Saying it’s a draw is just a loser’s excuse.”

“You didn’t even know how to fight! You still don’t! You need me to help your sorry ass.”

“I don’t need anyone to help me! I do what I want!” Craig sneered.

“Okay. What do you want?”

“Food.” Craig pointed at the pizza place, they were standing in front of.

“Hmp, yeah...okay. Go get it.” Tweek said.

Craig let go of Tweek’s hand and took a step forward. He put his hand on the door, ready to pull it open. His eyes caught sight of the prices on the menu, and he mentally did a double take. He pulled open the door, holding it as Tweek stepped inside. “You...you...you have the…”

“Yup.” Tweek flashed his wallet.

“Money?”

Craig turned to see Kenny. The guy was at least wearing a mask this time. He had his hair pulled back in a ponytail, wearing a white tank top and blue jeans, with his orange jacket tied tightly around his waist.

“A lover’s quarrel,” Kenny sighed out dreamily, faking a swoon as he pulled a joint from his pocket. 

Tweek groaned as if unable to deal with Kenny right now. He blew the comment off and went to order.

“Hah, no one but me thinks I’m funny?” Kenny laughed. “That’s cool. I’m my own hype man.”

“What are you doing here?” Craig let the door to the pizza place go. Tweek knew what type of pizza he wanted. He fist bumped Kenny. “This is pretty far from South Park.”

“I was just gonna ask you the same thing.” Kenny gestured outwards to the parking lot full of cars and people. “I feared you might be selling to my clients out here.”

“I’m here with Tweek. I just came from getting my eyes checked.”

“Shoot any lasers?”

Craig hardened his expression.

“Too soon?” Kenny seemed to shrink back. He leaned against the brick wall and pulled out his lighter. “I thought since we were business partners, we were cool now.” He lowered his mask.

“We are cool. But don’t talk like it’s some sort of joke.” Craig held out his hand.

Kenny lit the joint and took the first puff. “Are you scared of your power or something?” He passed it over to Craig.

Craig lowered his mask and took a hit. He didn’t have anything to respond to that with. Who wouldn’t be freaked out about laser vision? Now the optometrist was talking about how he was supposed to be blind and that he was some walking miracle. People just kept telling him more shit he didn’t wanna hear!

“I was scared too. My first time...” Kenny said.

“When you saw the lasers?”

Kenny took a smooth hit, the smoke rolled out around him. He had an annoyed look on his face. “Lasers are lowkey weak shit. Imagine never being able to die.”

“That is kinda depressing.”

“Right? Sometimes I think about what will happen when everyone else around me dies.”

“Why would you think of that?” Craig took a puff. He noticed some strange guy that seemed to be watching them. Was that an undercover cop?

“Never mind.” Kenny snatched the blunt from Craig as if his annoyance had manifested. “I came here on business. I just sold to a few people up the block over there. They also clued me on a big move.”

Craig raised a brow. He was half-way listening, half-way focused on that random guy. The guy kept on to his car. He opened up the driver side door and climbed inside. So maybe...he wasn’t an undercover cop? Why did that car look semi-familiar?

“You trust me, Craig?” Kenny pulled out his phone. “I mean shit just been going right. I haven’t steered you wrong yet.”

“I know you made that hashtag.” Craig took another quick hit from the joint. “Not cool.” Sure, he’d been working with Kenny for the week. That didn’t mean, he forgave him. He just did it because Tweek liked when he brought home money.

“That was just a test, man.”

“The reward?”

“Wasn’t me. Does it look like I have a million dollars to give?” Kenny glanced from his phone for a few seconds to look Craig in the eye. “Whoever set that up wants your head. I want you to use your power and influence to help make money.”

“I don’t have any of that.”

“Maybe not in America…”

Craig blew out a cloud of smoke.

“Hear me out,” Kenny stopped typing on his phone. “I did that hashtag trend for a reason, to get connections in South America. I DM a few people and found out there is a pretty solid market.”

Craig slumped over. So far that didn’t sound too bad, long as they didn’t go to—

“But I figured we would fly into Peru, just to be safe.”

Craig knew it would be some bullshit. He shook his head.

“Don’t worry, you’re like Jesus over there.”

“That’s the problem.”

“It’s the solution. No one would dare arrest us. We fly in and sell there, then rent a car to drive to Brazil.”

“No. That’s a waste of gas and money.”

“The pay off will be worth it.” Kenny reached into his pocket and pulled out cash. He fanned out the stack to reveal twenties and tens. “Look at how much I’ve gotten us so far. We’re perfect partners.” He seemed to move the fan closer.

“I don’t know what you don’t understand about the word no.”

“The no part.”

Craig took a long draw from the joint. “I’d rather keep doing small jobs here.” He honestly felt bad doing this. “Give me another job.”

“Alright. I won’t be back in town till late so you can do a few runs for me.” Kenny frowned. “But “I’m trying to make big moves here, Craig.” He sounded agitated. “Just be cool about it.”

The bell to the little pizza shop went off again. Craig glanced over to see his husband carrying out a plastic bag.

“Hey, Tweek! How’s that stuff working out for you?” Kenny flashed a gap tooth grin.

“It wasn’t for me.” Tweek stood on his tippy-toes and used a hand to pull Craig’s mask back on his face. “Ordered the food.”

“Alright.” Craig handed Kenny back his joint. “Later.” He walked behind Tweek towards the car.

“Think about my offer!” Kenny shouted.

* * *

**_Tweek_ **

Some random guy in a car had been following him. Tweek was sure of it. He kept checking out the mirror, each time the car would either be a few spaces behind them or riding side by side on the highway. It had followed him all the way from the eye place, to their apartment and to his job.

Tweek needed to know what that guy was doing.

Tweek needed to make sure it wasn’t a cop.

The car was parked a few spaces away outside of the coffee shop. He could see it through the stained glass windows, it’s headlights turned off and windows were a tint just dark enough so they met state regulations, but still made it hard to see inside.

“You’ve been cleaning that same table for a while now, son.”

Tweek lifted up the dirty rag to see Richard hovering above him.

“If you were trying to get overtime—”

“I...ngh...wasn’t.” Tweek said. He really didn’t want to stay here any longer than was necessary. “I just got distracted.” He faced the table again, noticing his tired expression.

“The shop closed ten minutes ago, you’re free. You’re off the clock.” Richard ran a single finger over the table as if checking for dirt. “That is if you cleaned off all the tables.”

“This is the last one.” Tweek placed the rag back in the soapy bucket.

“Good.” Richard nodded. “And how’s the transaction for espresso going?”

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Tweek felt his hand on the bucket almost slip. He had been so careful asking Kenny about the deal. He’d kept cover. He’d vetted sources. Where did he go wrong? Why did it feel like he knew who owned that car?

“Don’t make me think, you’re a loss cause.” Richard turned his back to walk towards the front counter. 

"I have the espresso.” Tweek said, quietly. “I just haven’t had the time.” Or guts. He didn’t have the guts— “to bring it over yet.”

“Bring it, tomorrow.” Richard paused, his head turned to face Tweek. “This business isn’t just important to us, it’s a family thing, so it’s important to you too. If this fails, well... you know what will happen.”

Tweek carried the rag bucket into the back of the store, placing it near the mop. He didn’t need his father’s threats. He knew what would happen. It wasn’t like he went to college or anything. He wasn’t smart like Nichole or Craig, so there wasn’t much hope for him. Plus he was so damn shaky… He pulled off his apron. The last thing he wanted was to be out of this job.

“Leaving, sweetheart?” His mother gave him a little hug. “You did a good job today. You didn’t break a single cup.”

“Thanks, mom.” Tweek appreciated the praise, even if he knew his mother was just saying it to lessen the pressure of Richard’s words. He pushed open the door that led into the lobby. “I’ll see you.”

“Text me when you get home, so I know you got in safe.” His mother said.

“I will.” Tweek figured he got most of his naggy habits from her. He waved. “Nichole is going to drive me home, so I’m walking over to the library.”

“Not Craig?” His mother sounded a bit worried.

“Craig found another job. He works from 6pm till like 3am or something crazy.”

“You’re not nervous about being home alone?”

“No.”

“I can stop by.”

“I’m fine, mom.” Tweek exited the shop. He didn’t need someone watching over him 24-7, the apartment complex they lived in had cameras everywhere.

The sun was setting, so it had cooled down significantly outside. He walked along the sidewalk, keeping his head low. He could hear the sound of cars passing by along the street. He hoped that the strange stalker vehicle wasn’t following him. Oh Jesus...maybe he should take the back alley route? No. That was way more dangerous!

He pulled out his phone. He tried to call up Nichole. It went to voicemail twice. Damn it. He looked up to see a line of police cars alongside the road. Not a good sign.

Tweek placed his phone back into his pocket. Why were both ways riddled with danger? He wished he had a driver’s license and a car to zoom by all of this.

“Excuse me,”

Tweek jumped back, flinching as he saw the windows rolled down on the stalker car.

“I’m with the FBI.” A man stepped out of the car. He flashed his badge and fixed his face mask. “I just have a few questions for you.”

Tweek tried not to fidget too much. An imagine of his father’s stern pissed off face, filled his head as if a warning. The meth was the family secret, he’d take to his grave! He couldn’t crack.

“You’re married to Craig Tucker?”

Tweek tried to find his voice, but it fled his throat. He nodded, like a bobble head unable to do much more.

“Are you aware of the sun god hashtag that was recently tending?”

Tweek nodded again.

“Do you know any information or hints about who started it?”

That was what this was about? Tweek lowered his sights to the ground, counting the ants crawling across the sidewalk. “No.” He’d feel bad about snitching on Kenny after he came through with the drugs.

“Well are you aware what time your husband usually comes back home?” The man pulled out a notepad from his jacket.

Tweek shook his head.

The man raised a brow, “You can’t even guess?”

“N-no.” Tweek cursed himself for his voice cracking. What did the FBI want with Craig anyway?

“A few people just want to have a talk with him.” The man sighed and wrote something down on his notepad. “We know who and what he is. We just want to stop things before it’s too late.”

Too late? Tweek had no idea what they were talking about. Did they mean Craig’s vision? How would they know about that? What did it have to do with them? 

“Listen, neither one of us wants to call in the military. We just want to take you both down to a secure base for questioning.”

“I...I..ngh...I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Tweek thought about Stripe waiting for his two dads to come home. “You have the wrong Craig Tucker. My husband is a boring man. He wouldn’t hurt anyone, so there’s no need for the military or any force.”

“I see.” The man sounded disappointed that Tweek wasn’t willing to provide them with anything helpful. He ripped off a paper from his notepad. “Here’s my number in case you want to call.”

Tweek somehow found the strength to lift a shaky hand. The paper felt almost funny between his fingertips, the ink used was bright red almost as if the number was written in blood.

“Tweek!” Nichole ran up to him. She was a lifesaver, really. A mask covered up some of her angel-face; she was wearing jeans and a cotton T-shirt. “I got your missed calls and—” She paused, as if she just noticed the strange man talking to him.

“It’s never too late to do the right thing.” The man stepped back into his car.

“Who is that?” Nichole asked.

Tweek crushed the paper in his hand. He watched the car drive away, covered by the swamp of cop cars. “Some weird guy claiming to be FBI.”

Nichole had a look reading, “ _What did you do?”_ She crossed her arms, her anger didn’t seem directed at him.

“He was asking me questions about Craig.” Tweek said.

“It’s a good thing I did come search for you then.” Nichole drawled, leaning over to catch peeks of the police as if to ensure they weren’t starting any trouble. “He seems really suspicious.”

“Maybe it has something to do with all the police around here.” Tweek stepped beside Nichole. “Let’s walk to the library.” He tapped his pocket to ensure his phone was resting inside. “Once we’re a safe distance, I’m going to call Craig to see if he’s okay.”

“He’s at work, right?” Nichole walked beside him.

“Yeah.”

“He might not be able to pick up.”

Tweek was sure Craig would always pick up the phone for him or he’d text him at least. But...he thought about what the optimist said, “ _He should have been blind by now._ ” What if Craig’s vision just stopped one day? He couldn’t use his phone! 

“Even if he doesn’t, it’s good you want to contact him about this.” Nichole said. “That’s one thing I always admired you and Craig about, you’re good with communication.” 

“We had years of practice.” Tweek hoped those years wouldn’t go to waste.

Nichole hummed. “Maybe I should do my research paper on communication techniques. That is something everybody could work on not just in relationships but also in interactions with other people.” She turned the corner. “I need to ask the librarian if they have a book on that.”

“I think I’m going to get a book on how to read braille.”

“Braille? I didn’t know you knew someone who is blind.”

“I don’t.” Tweek shoved his hands in his pockets. “Craig is having issues...gah... a lot. We went to the eye doctor and stuff with his vision is weird. In case the worst happens.” He couldn’t deal with that. “I just hope it doesn’t. Gah! My parents already think Craig is a moocher, if he goes blind they’ll call him a dead weigh.”

“That doesn’t sound like a very valid reason.” Nichole said. “It's actually a little harsh.”

“My parents are...ngh like that. I can’t learn a new trade.” Tweek said. “Can you imagine...ngh...me, as rapper? So scary! I’d probably fall off the stage and hurt myself. I might blow out all the power boxes in the whole damn...ngh... town.”

“Tweek, what are you talking about?”

“Famous rappers. They make good money. I'd have to writes songs though, then have a good beat."

Nichole’s expression seemed to light up. “You’re trying to make a Soundcloud account?”

“No! That’s why I can’t lose my job.” Tweek shouted. What didn’t she get about this? He pulled open the doors to the library. “I’m doing this because I can’t mess this up.”

“I am so confused.” Nichole stepped inside the cool air conditioned building. “But if venting to me helps get it off your chest. Just keep going at it.”

Tweek followed behind her. He welcomed the smell of books to distract him from his mess of a mind. Maybe he was slowly going crazy, worrying himself over this. If he kept it up, he’d worry himself sick. He paused, maybe he didn’t need to call Craig, that might only worry him more.

* * *

**_Craig_ **

“Alright, cool.” The guy dapped him up. “See ya next week.” He shoved the bag in his pocket walking away with a little more pep in his step.

A simple exchange—drugs for money. Night had almost claimed the day his victim, strangling any last inch of sunlight from the horizon. The street lights were turned on, aiding the moon in her hug over the town. 

Craig pulled off his hat, stuffing some bills inside. He counted the tens, fives and twenties. He was doing alright for today. But any day that wasn’t a weekend was hard to make sales. He put his hat back on.

“He was totally into it.”

Craig snuck a look over his shoulder. He could see two women, one wearing a skimpy dress, the other, had annoyingly long rose colored hair, with enough piercings to work at Hot Topic. 

“They’re so fuckin gross. When they do that.” A familiar voice—Red—it grew closer along with the smell of cigarettes. “I try not to gag.”

Craig made his feet move a bit faster. This was why he preferred not to do back alley way exchanges. Not only did the trash can near him smell like spoiled milk, but the large brick building made him feel sandwiched in. He’d take the long way back to his car. Wait, were those police?

The street lamp flickered, to reveal the dark tinted windows of what looked like a police blockage. He could see some officers talking, a flashlight in one hand, a gun on their hip, and a smile on their lips.

Craig tried to keep his eyes focused on the little yellow circles of light decorating the sidewalk, near his car. His breath hitched, a queasy feeling flared up in his stomach. 

“Same. His pockets seem endless though.”

“Why aren’t the rich ones ever cute? ” The sound of Red’s high heels got louder—Click. Click.

Craig tucked his head. He wanted to disappear into the darkness, dissolve into the stars and become one with the universe even if it was only for a moment.

“Craig?” Red knocked some ash from the end of her cigarette.

Craig darted his head left and right. No escape. What was Red doing over…He took a deep breath. There was just a few ounces of coke in his backpack. He exhaled. Nothing really damning here.

Maybe things weren’t going to be that bad.

“Cousin?”

Click. Click. Click. Click. 

Sure, his family would be sad. His mom would be heartbroken. His dad would be in disbelief. Tricia might kill him before anyone in jail could.

He bit his lip.

Click. Click. Click.

He was sure that Tweek would take good care of Stripe.

Click. Click.

He was sure that Tweek would also probably be relieved he wouldn’t have to worry about paying to get his eyes fixed.

Click. 

Tweek would be able to keep all the money.

“Hey.” Craig kept his eyes focused, straight ahead. He knew he couldn’t look more suspicious with a backpack and his hands in his pockets, steps away from the police. “I’m a little busy now, Red.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be shaking your ass for some sleazy jerks?”

An angry hand spun Craig around. He came face to face with Red’s pissed off expression. Heavy makeup to give her a porcelain doll face, her lips the same color of the place they were tugging down towards. 

“I’m on a smoke break.” Red pulled the cigarette from her mouth.

Craig heard a giggle and he guessed it came from the woman standing beside Red. 

“You shouldn’t be here. It’s dangerous to hang in this back alley.” Red said.

“You’re here.” Craig blinked.

“I came back here to get some pain killers.” Red paused. She must have noticed the backpack on Craig’s shoulders. “Wait...are you… I saw that guy walk away.”

“No.” Craig denied. He blinked into the blurry parade of colors filling his vision. She found out. The drugs! His life was over. The police were right up the street.

“You’re sucking dick for free!” 

“It was just because we’re a bit short on mon—IM WHAT?”

“How could you?”

Craig didn’t know what the fuck to say. This was better than going to jail for drugs. But sucking for FREE? He couldn’t calm his heart. His frazzled nerves made him stand there like a deer in the headlights—shoulders slumped over, mouth in a firm line, eyes wide. It was like that time in Peru, when he stepped on that stupid trigger and he couldn’t move.

“This area is supposed to be cleared out!” A cop yelled into a megaphone. “We in the middle of conducting a search for—“

A beam of light shot out his eyes. The cop’s hat went flying off and so did his head from his body.

How’d he just do that? Craig steadied himself, one hand pressed against the brick wall as his knees buckled. He panicked!

The world was blue and spinning at 100mph. There were a few shouts and screams from a few onlookers.

“Craig! Where are you going?” Red shouted.

Craig didn’t know where he was going. His nerves made him react before his brain could process anything. His legs were moving, arms pumping, hat tassels slapping his face.

A radio crackled, “We need backup. The target is making a break for it. Shots have been fired.”

Craig couldn’t see. He ran blindly into the onslaught of traffic. Horns honked and people spat out curses. His hands ran over the familiar feel of plastic and a dip into the slot—car door handle.

He felt a sticker on the car body.

Was this his car?

The world was so fuzzy. He pulled on the door. A loud car alarm went off with a low hissing like to sound of something breaking. He yanked the door all the way back.

“Craig! CRAIG! DUDE!”

“Clyde?” Craig could barely make out the shape of his friend. He could see him, his shirt half off and pants unbuckled, his hand seemed to be cupping...

Bebe let out a high pitched scream. She pushed Clyde away, struggling to cover up her body.

“Craig! What the hell, dude?” Clyde shouted. He scrambled to put back on his belt and fix up his clothes.

“I need to dip.” Craig tossed the door aside.

“You just tossed my door frame to what looks like probably the next town over!” Clyde looked past him, focused at what was probably the car door frame flipping and twirling in the air.

“No I didn’t.” Craig hoped he didn’t. “I need to get out here.” He jumped inside the car, elbowing Bebe to get over.

“CLYDEEEEEE!” Bebe shrieked.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Clyde kissed Bebe repeatedly, helping her climb into the backseat. “It’s bro-code.”

“You don’t have time to be kissing her! Drive!” Craig commanded.

Clyde slammed his foot on the pedal. The car went zooming forward. Bebe let out more screams mixed with curses. She sounded like she was struggling to pull on her seat belt.

Craig covered his ears. Too much noise. Too much crazy. He wanted to go somewhere quiet. The collection of sirens joined the commotion.

“You have the freaking cops on your ass?” Clyde threw up his hands.

Craig glanced in the rear view mirror, blue and red lights paraded behind them.

“No. No. _Por favor, no policia_.”

“You know Spanish?” Clyde sputtered out, one hand on the wheel the other fixing his face mask over his mouth and nose.

Craig never took a Spanish class in his life. Yet the words felt so familiar on his tongue. He was speaking more Spanish. Not something mean or angry, just alarmed. He pointed at the red and blue lights on their tail.

“Craig Tucker! You are unbelievable!” Bebe sounded ready to strangle him. “LITERALLY UNBELIEVABLE!”

“Shut up!” Craig shouted over the wave of noise. Yes, he could speak English again! “That’s not my name.” He felt his eye twitch as the pressure in his corneas increased. That wasn’t his name?

The car swerved to the right as they crossed a corner. 

“Let the window down.” Craig rubbed his temples.

“Craig, dude, YOUR EYES ARE GLOWING BLUE!” Clyde shouted.

“LET THE WINDOW DOWN!” Craig rapidly pressed down on the passenger side window. It rolled down, the wind blew against his face, stinging the corners of his eyes.

He stuck his head outside, releasing the pressure in his eyes a bit. Two lasers fired, blowing up the road. A few cop cars went flying, doing a 360 before crashing back down to earth. Fireworks, no... an explosion, rattled his core. He could see fire burning.

“Aahh, HOW DID—?”

“Li-li-li-Library. I need to...to...hide.” Craig felt like he was twisting like a piece of barbwire, sharp on the outside and more gruesome and harsh on the inside. Something strange was happening to him. What was happening? His eyes hurt. His brain was no longer able to make sense of the world.

“Okay. Alright.” Clyde agreed. “Just you...you’re kinda freaking me out right now.” 

“It’s not my fault. I...my eyes. It’s like....like when you bite into ice cream and your teeth hurt. But my eyes hurt.”

“You put ice cream in your eyes?”

“Don’t be stupid. I...need you to guide me.”

“Is that why you ditched work that one time? How often does this happen?”

“It’s uhh...” Craig struggled to recall what the Optometrist told him earlier. “Macular Degeneration. My eyesight is getting worse.”

“I didn’t know!” Clyde pulled up in front of the library. “That’s crazy, man.” He unlocked the car doors.

Craig stepped out of the car. He couldn’t see that far ahead of him. A hand tugged at his arm, he could barely make out the expression on Clyde’s face.

“I got you.” Clyde said. He allowed Craig to lean on his shoulder. “We gotta move fast.”

Craig nodded in agreement. He shuffled his feet, moving in sync with Clyde. He squeezed his eyes shut. His hands running over different surfaces to make sense of the darkness around him. There was something cold and flat—glass, something smooth with little bumps—bookshelf, something paper-like, then hard, books? At times he couldn’t feel anything, his hands were just grasping at air as his legs kept stepping forward.

“You’re really my best bro, Clyde.” Craig croaked. There was no one else who he thought he could trust with this task. Anyone else would ask questions and demand reasonable answers. 

“Don’t get all sappy on me, bro.” Clyde was probably grinning under his mask. He increased his grip on Craig’s arm. “You know friends got your back.”

“What if the cops—“

“Keep it down we’re in a library.”

Craig suppressed a laugh. He figured he’d owe Clyde for this one. He felt a hand brush against something that felt like plastic...a sign? His other hands ran over a paint like texture...a wall?

“We’re going into the bathroom. So you can collect yourself, you big sap.” Clyde said.

Craig could smell the change from old books and mothballs to piss and one day old Chinese food. He felt Clyde prop him against what was either the hand dryer or the sink.

For a few seconds there was the quiet Craig desired. He could focus and try to figure out what was happening to him. His tongue tingled, like glass shards was being pressed against it.

“Damn it. You totally wrecked me getting it in.” Clyde said.

“I’ll take you to a strip club.” Craig hesitantly lifted his eyelids. He leaned against the bathroom counter. His hands gripping both sides of the sink till his knuckles started to whiten. “Tweek wants to go to one too. So maybe the three of us can go together.” He darted his eyes around trying to take in anything strange or unusual.

“Heck yeah! Doesn’t your cousin work—“

“You’re not fucking my cou—Why would you even?”

“Boobs.” Clyde said in a matter of fact tone.

Craig didn’t know why but hearing that made him feel comfortable. Same old Clyde. Same old library. Same old books. He released a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Everything was going to be alright.

“Craig, your eyes are glowing again.”

Fuck!

A beam of light shot from his eyes, creating a zig-zag design on the bathroom floor. The tile cracked, sending jagged pieces of clay, cement, and dust in the air. The entire library floor shook as if an earthquake had hit.

Outside the bathroom door there came a few whispers of surprise.

Clyde shouted the loudest. “DUDE WATCH IT!” He jumped back, as the floor split.

“HHHhhnn!” Craig felt the pressure in his eyes release as the bathroom slowly got more destroyed. He lifted his head to face the stalls, melting the plastic.

“Stop it! You gotta stop! You’re destroying public property.” Clyde sounded like he was pleading.

The lasers didn’t seem to take commands. They wanted to be free. They wanted to burn this place to the ground. 

Craig didn’t want to think of all the property damage he caused today. He tried to will the lasers away. The beam slowly got weaker as smoke arose off the plastic.

“Burning plastic is TOXIC!” Clyde pawed at his face mask as if not even that could stop his inhaling of the dangerous chemicals.

The fire alarm went off. The little mumbles of surprise turned into an uproar. It sounded like feet were scrambling to the exit.

Craig blinked. The lasers stopped. “My head... hnnn. _Hijo de la chingada_.” He could see the world cleanly again. The half melted stalls, broken tile floor, the holes in the bathroom door.

Clyde was shaking like a madman.

Craig zombie walked towards the door. He pushed it open to see the library in chaos, chairs flipped over and tables abandoned. People were dashing towards the exits. He caught sight of blonde hair and a green shirt.

Nononononononono. What was Tweek doing here? Craig turned around—“OUCH!” His head smacked into Clyde’s.

“Ow!” Clyde took a thousand steps back as if the hit had almost knocked him unconscious.

“You gotta cover me. Tweek’s out there.” Craig pulled Clyde to his feet, using him as a human shield.

“What’s wrong with that?” Clyde staggered forward as if in a daze.

“Tweek thinks I’m at work.” Craig decided blending in with the panicked crowd was the best way of escape. He pushed Clyde forward directing him to stick with the large pushing and shoving mass of people.

“You didn’t tell him you got fired?”

“IT'S COMPLICATED!”

Another laser beam shot out, it hit the large letters reading **DROP OFF** . The **D** fell along with an **O** and somehow the **F** did some weird turn. It read **ROPF**.

“Arrgaaahh!”

Yep, that hair tearing shout was definitely Tweek.

Craig pushed Clyde in a few people behind Tweek and Nichole. He tried to keep his head low, following their shoes.

“It’s going to be okay. Let’s just follow the crowd.” Nichole said.

“Ngh...No! I should have just went straight home to my apartment!” Tweek sounded like he was in a frenzy. “Lasers, earthquakes! All these people...all this covid! GAAAH! I THINK SOMEONE JUST COUGHED!”

“Screaming will only make you take in more germs.” Nichole said.

Craig couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation. Tweek was whispering now. More people came between them and he lost sight of worn down Nikes and Adidas. He stepped outside.

A few people were standing around on the grass and cops cars had surrounded the area.

“Oh snap! What about Bebe?” Clyde looked at his car still illegally parked in-front of the library.

“You’re worried about Bebe? You should be worried about that ticket they’re gonna write you.” Craig said.

“She’s naked.” Clyde whispered.

“Huh?”

“SHE’S NAKED!”

The cop finished writing the ticket and knocked on the car door. Bebe stepped out with her hands up, wearing nothing but her birthday suit. A few parents gasped, covering their kid’s eyes. The cop started shouting at her.

Craig could only catch parts of the conversation. The cop yelling about, “Public indecency. Get a shirt!” Bebe sounded like she had been crying, her mascara rolled down her cheeks, lipstick smudged.

“Oh damn.” Clyde seemed to be scolding himself. “I’m gonna get it for this.”

Craig looked around at all the cop cars. “I’ll drive you home or something.” He thought about Tweek. Tweek would probably want to go home after all this. The cops didn’t know where he lived, right? They wouldn’t pull up and... He couldn’t risk it. “Tell you what, I gotta get back to my car and rush home.”

“No. You gotta help me get my car back! Get my girl back!” Clyde shouted.

“I just escaped the cops. I have to warn Tweek.”

“Warn him?”

Craig let go of Clyde. This was a shitty thing to do, especially after Clyde helped him. But Tweek didn’t deserve to get dragged into this. He took off running under the cover of chaos and crazy.


	4. Two wrong ways and they don't make a right. Do both ways? Ignore what's wrong. Ignore what's right. It's always what you like.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tweek almost wanted to cry again. The only thing stopping him was the mere fact that he cannot escape it; this tormenting fantasy—reality—that his husband’s corpus was standing before him.

_**Craig** _

His heart was racing, as the speedometer needle pushed the 70mph. His stomach had knotted up again, his mouth was so damn dry, and his breath came short and fast. He tried to keep his focus on the road.

Craig blinked hard, one, two, three, four times. He dug his nails into the steering wheel.

His eyes hurt.

His brain hurt.

His heart hurt.

His body ached, like his bones were breaking, healing themselves, then were forcefully being snapped back into place.

Craig turned inside the parking lot for the apartment. The police cars were all around the place. Lights off. Waiting. He drove around to the assigned spot in front of building F.

He spotted a silver car, pulling out. It looked a lot like Nichole’s. He honked the horn.

Nichole honked back. She looked like she wanted to pull up and talk to him, but the police cars must have made her think twice. She slowed a bit to wave, then kept on driving out to the exit.

If Nichole was finally leaving that meant...Craig turned the car off and pulled out his keys. Tangled up in his pain was a memory. A nice one that always repeats: when Tweek stepped out of the car, he blew an air kiss before turning his back and going into work. Every time Craig dropped him off; everyday without fail.

Craig wished Tweek was here to give him a real kiss. He could really use one right, now. “Heh.” He reached for his phone, calling Tweek to come outside was probably the safest way of escape.

He unlocked his phone, **Two missed calls—Mom, four missed calls— Tricia.**

Had they already gotten to his family? Why else would they suddenly be... Craig hated this feeling in his chest. He hated this moment of fear and panic. His thumbs felt too heavy to move, his brain couldn’t. Just…!

Laser shot down at his feet. The fast beam of light barely avoided clipping his shoes.

He sat back and breathed uneasily. He wanted to throw a fit like a five year old, scream, shout, throw stuff, and kick every goddamn cop in the balls.

A thumb somehow found the strength to tap on Tricia's message threads.

**Tricia: u did somethin stupid.**

Wow. Craig couldn’t even get mad at her about that. He typed back...

**Craig: A mistake. All of it.**

He checked the message that he sent and decided to send another.

**Craig: Now, I think I’m dying.**

A minute or two passed with no response. He didn’t know what he was expecting...some sympathy maybe? His sister to shine a ray of hope that everything might turn out okay? He should just let it all out, tell Tricia and his parents how much he loved them and he was sorry for doing drugs and spending their money and dropping out of college and then just being a...a…

“Failure.” Craig croaked. “I’m a failure.” He figured he deserved all of this. He had been holding Tweek back, destroyed Clyde’s love life, ruining everyone’s lives.

His phone started to ring: **Mom wants to FaceTime.**

Craig answered. The screen went from **Connecting…** to his mother’s expression. She seemed more relaxed than what he expected her to be. Her eyes looked sunkin as if the crows feet around them had worsened, her hair frizzy as if not yet combed, but her lips were curved upwards in almost a hopeful smile.

It had been so long, since he’d seen her face...so long since he’d heard her say,

“Son.”

The sound of her voice seemed to put his optic nerves to rest.

“Mom. I...I messed up.” Craig couldn’t get a grip on his emotions. His words were tumbling out his mouth in a jumbled mess, his sight started to get blurry. “I don’t even know how I messed up. It all happened so fast, the lasers, Red, the cop, the cops’ head flying off his body and the lights, they just make everyone crazy and—”

“Calm down. Freaking out doesn’t solve anything.” His mother—Laura—she was patient with him. Even when he dropped out of college, she sent him a list of jobs to apply for. She was there when he went through his kinda cringe Red Racer phase, when he kinda skipped through the town dressed as an astronaut. She supported him when he finally came to terms with being...

“What should I do?” Craig asked.

“Only you can decide that.” Laura said. “Never forget that no matter what happens, your father and I raised you. We made you into who you are.”

“But I’m a failure.” Craig said. “And when I go to jail, I’ll be a waste of space. That’s why you cut me off...why everyone cut me off, because I don’t do anything.”

“Your father and I did our best. We truly believe that in time, you will become what you were meant to be. If it takes ten more years, maybe five of them behind bars, what does it matter if you’ll come out better?”

“But I won’t! I might come out as a hardcore gang banger!”

“Despite how you act or how you feel right now, there is something truly amazing underneath.” Laura nodded her head. “All these years, I never stopped loving you. If you think for a second, I’m going to stop because you did something illegal.”

“On accident.” Craig added. He felt like that part was important, it had to be in court at least.

“You can’t be afraid of it. The more you fight it, the more you’ll suffer.” Laura said.

Craig guessed that was right. He should just surrender. The damage was already done; there was no Ctrl+Z in real life.

“We’ll be waiting for you with open arms. In the Rocky mountain range, we’re staying in your Grandma’s house.” Laura flipped the camera to show off the beautiful scenery.

“On vacation?” Craig asked. This was weird. But if his family was on vacation all this time, at least they were safe. The cops probably just called them to tell’em what was going on when they couldn’t find them at home or something. “Is Tricia with you?”

The camera view shifted but couldn’t get rid of the anger in her voice. “Your sister is just as stubborn as you, if not more hard headed. She came over with us, then ran off. Foolish child. We filed a missing persons report, about a week ago.”

Weeks? His parents had been in the mountains for weeks? He hadn’t been to his grandma’s house ever since she passed.

“Tricia just texted me.” Craig said.

The camera flipped again, allowing him to see how Laura’s expression seemed to darken. “Send us her location if you can. Honestly...I’ve just been so worried. I haven’t even been able to enjoy being here.” She paused, “Come, when you can.”

When he _can_?

“Aren’t you and dad going...to...to come back for my trial?”

Laura lowered her head, letting out a little hum from an old Christian spiritual. “Everything shall be done in his will for our lives are already planned out.”

“You’re going to leave me at the mercy of the criminal justice system! While everyone else lives it up on vacation!” Craig felt ready to fire out laser again.

“There are things to be done. They have been in the works long before you had a say in anything. Without power or money, it's hard to protect anyone in this world.” Laura shook her head. “We’ll do what we can with what we have.”

That wasn’t good enough! How could she possibly expect him to accept some cheap ass answer like that!

“You can’t do this to me!” Craig shouted.

“It’s all coming together in good hands. Just hold on a little longer, even you must have come to suspect—”

“I suspect you gave up on me! I suspect that dad dragged you down to his level and I don’t matter. You’re just faking it! Everyone just acts fake. You’ve all been faking it ever since grandma died!”

“CRAIG! DO NOT SPEAK OF YOUR GRANDMA LIKE THAT. There is no need to bring her into things. The government is not something you’d want to make enemies with. They choose to snuff you out...Oh, it would have been easier if you would have stayed in college.”

“I BET!”

“This is the FBI.” A knock came on his car door. “The SWAT team has this place surrounded.”

What? But all the police cars...a cover up? They sent the fucking FBI with their entire SWAT team after him?

Craig looked up to see a flashlight shining into the vehicle. His eyes started to build up with all too familiar pressure. “Don’t point that at me. I don’t want to hurt anybody.” He jerked his head back down, trying to focus on his phone.

“Please, don’t fight the feeling inside you.” Laura seemed to be pleading with him. “Listen to it. An ancient power that’s been growing as you’ve grown. It will protect you.” She smiled. “We’ll be waiting for you in the cabin. I’ll...I’ll explain and it will all make sense.”

Craig didn’t do that sappy believe and listen to your heart garbage. He hit the end call button. He had no more to say to her, she’d just written him off as a lost cause in her own sweet way.

“Come out with your eyes closed and hands up.” A voice said.

“Do I at least get my rights read to me?”

Craig listened to the car’s door opening and he caught a feeling that he was not going to get answers anytime soon.

“You’re being detained under the grounds of threats to public safety. The secretary of the military sent out warrants for your arrest.”

“The military?” Craig could recall his many unfortunate encounters with them.

“You think the military isn’t strong enough to stop a God? The United States has the most powerful military in the world. We’ve been gearing up to fight God.”

“Fight God?” Craig calmly stepped out of the car. “That is what all this bullshit is about?” He held his hands up. “I don’t know how many times I have to say this for the universe to get a clue. I don’t know how many times I have to say this for anyone to get a clue. But I’ll say it as many times as I have to, I’m not A GOD! I’M A BORING COLLEGE DROPOUT!”

“Alright close your eyes.” The leader guy stepped closer to him.

Craig sighed, closing his eyes. He could hear more feet closing in on him. Red dotted sights were still probably pointed at his body.

The sounds of radio static crackled. A new voice rang out, “We’re closing in on the blond, he’s holding the guinea pig, planning to take them in for questioning too.”

No. They couldn’t do that.

“You leave my husband and son out of this!” Craig snapped his head up so fast.

“Close in. We can’t let him escape this time.” A voice ordered.

Craig ran faster than he assumed was even humanly possible. The landscape around him kept changing, one second it was flat, the next it was like a mountain. He almost tripped running up the crazy steep cement steps.

His hands fell against the metal railing on the side as he struggled to balance himself. He couldn’t stop. He tasted his own blood on his tongue. An aching pain exploded in his chest.

Keep moving. Keep going for Tweek. He had to warn Tweek.

Craig heard the sound of footsteps coming from below the stairwell. He looked over, his eyes beaming a blast to split the staircase in half. A few surprised cries rang out—the men would probably break a couple of bones from that fall. He hoped they broke their crazy necks.

“Fuck off.” A slur of curses escaped his lips, “Damn, fucking assholes.” It pissed him off to no end, a complete circle of rage mixed with glorified courage. He could barely make sense of the area around him. This was his floor, right? He staggered forward, dragging himself to the door. It was surprisingly already open, which meant that Tweek was safely inside.

Safe. Tweek was safe with Stripe.

Craig turned the door knob, stepping inside. There were pictures all over the walls near the entrance, like the picture of him with his grandma when he was younger. But the first thing anyone saw was a picture of him and Tweek on their wedding day. They had been wearing matching blue suits, standing outside of the courthouse. He remembered it being unbearably hot on that day, he had taken off his hat and Tweek was angry he didn’t comb his hair for the picture.

That was the day he promised, “For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.” That day was probably the happiest day in Craig’s life. The day Tweek Tweak became—Tweek Tucker.

“Who _dared_ touch my Craig?”

Craig bumped against a coat rack and his sides slammed into a counter top. Blurry shapes and images clouded his vision. “Tweek,” His tone sounded lost for a few seconds. “Honey.” He cleared his throat, attempting to regain his composure.

“I stay here waiting for you to come back and you come back like THAT.” Tweek motioned to the counter. “Sit. Before you...ngh... pass out.”

Craig held out a hand, his gentle touch grazing Tweek’s face. “I’m not.”

Tweek flinched at the blood smearing across his skin. The smell of the hot substance must have been nauseating, because his right eye twitched as if with fury and outrage. “Who touched my Craig?” He pulled down Craig’s face mask to see his bloody nose.

Craig blinked, his cloudy eyes meeting Tweek’s. “We...we have to get out of here.” He was sure that the SWAT team was already finding some way to get around the broken staircase.

“You’re bleeding.” Tweek’s hands wrapped around Craig’s slender wrist, pulling the bloody knuckles closer to his lips. “And I’m fucking..ngh... ticked the fuck off at the assholes who did this shit to you.” Each word out Tweek’s mouth made his lips brush little playful kisses on Craig’s busted knuckles. “I’m so fucking MAD!”

Craig felt a bitterness forming in his stomach as Tweek bugged out. Tweek struggled to open the cabinets below to pull out the first-aid kit. Every few seconds a curse fell out his lips. The plastic medical kit clatters open on the counter, spilling band-aids and little pocket wipes onto the bloody floor.

“Tweek, honey.” Craig shook his head. “We don’t have time for this. I’m fine.” He looked at Stripe running around back and forth in his cage as if going frantic. “We have to take Stripe and go.”

“FINE?” Tweek grabbed the Neosporin, applying a generous amount to the cuts on Craig’s knuckles. “You call this fine?” He pushed up Craig’s jacket. “This might be fine to you, but it's not to me.”

Craig didn’t know if Tweek’s words were making his eyes water or if it was the disinfectant on his cuts. The pain was nearly unbearable, constantly stinging and making him want to scream.

“Ngh...I’ll ki—eradicate them.” Eradicate. Tweek sounded like he liked that word much better than kill. It sounded less brutal. “I’ll make them pay.” He quickly wrapped a bandage around a few cuts.

“FBI!” A loud banging came from on the door. “Open up! If you’re hiding Craig in there, you’ll be arrested and charged too!”

“The FBI?” Tweek asked, his head moved precariously observing the nasty cut. “Did you do something crazy with...ngh...Kenny?”

“I can’t remember, because I don’t want to remember.” Craig slumped against the counter, still refusing to sit. His eyes were glued to Tweek’s face, scowling and twitching every so often as he fixed him up.

“They’re going to knock down the door!” Tweek slammed the first-aid kit back in the cabinet. “You can at least tell me when you messed up.”

“Yeah, I mess up sometimes.” Craig inhaled sharply. He would really like a blunt to smoke all the pain away. But then again...maybe that was part of the problem. Everything that people would like to have. “I’m not proud of everything I do, but I’m proud of what good can come from it.”

“Don’t try to change the subject.” Tweek buried his face in Craig’s disheveled jacket. “I need you to be real with me right now.”

“I’m not.” Craig stated. “I’m saying facts.” He wanted to shrug, but he was in too much pain. “And you’re too smart to get in trouble for something so stupid. The less you know, the better.”

“The less I know? Oh no...are you talking about the drugs?”

“You...you know about the drugs?”

“YOU KNOW ABOUT THE DRUGS?”

Craig nodded.

“Craig...I can explain. I’ll explain to them everything. This is all my parents fault and the stupid coffee with meth.”

“Coffee with meth?” Craig didn’t know what Tweek was talking about...Obviously they were talking about two different drugs. “I mean from Kenny.”

“Yeah. I brought some meth from Kenny a week a...ngh...go.” Tweek said. “I have to give it to my parents. But there are still some packs in the emergency escape underpants gnome space.”

“You use that closet to hide drugs?”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t wanna drag you into it. Now you’re probably gonna get arrested...THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!”

“No. Tweek...this, no. You’re just...” Craig didn’t know how to explain. Words were getting harder to string together in an accurate sentence.

“I might be spooked...gah... by a lot of things.” Tweek peeked up. “But I’ll never be too scared to stand up and fight for you, Craig.”

Craig felt his heart skip a few beats. The blood from his nose crawled out to drip on Tweek’s forehead, the liquid rolling down the bridge of his nose to rest on his upper lip. He doesn’t know if this is what made Tweek stop talking...or if Tweek knew he didn’t need to explain why he wasn’t scared.

Only for Craig.

Only him.

No one else getting hurt would piss Tweek off enough.

“I know.” A warm feeling came in Craig’s heart and spread throughout his entire body. His hands moved to pull Tweek into a hug.

They snuggled together for a few minutes, holding each other tightly. They felt each other’s hearts pounding in their chest. Craig felt Tweek breaking into many emotional pieces just like him.

The door finally busted down, SWAT Special Agents swarming in the apartment like agitated wasps. “Find and collect any evidence!” The group knocked down pictures on the wall, kicking down doors, tossing cushions off the sofa.

Craig felt more pressure build up in his eyes. He could see everything unraveling. He… The aching feeling in his chest worsened. A throbbing headache almost made him scream. His body wouldn't respond.

What...what was happening?

* * *

_**Tweek** _

Tweek felt Craig’s body grow heavy. A jolt ran through his bones, something was crawling up his spine, something was making his hands cling tighter and tighter to the body in his arms.

Not his Craig.

This couldn’t be happening. Tweek felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes. He was just talking to Craig a few seconds ago, they had lunch together!

The leftover pizza box was thrown to the floor, large feet stomping on it, dragging cheese and dirt onto the carpet in the living room. SWAT flooded the apartment and basically flipped the sofa and rolled up the rugs. They even (accidentally?) knocked Stripe’s cage off the coffee table. Stripe was running freely in the house, squealing loudly.

They were touching everything.

So many germs...

They were ruining everything.

So many people in one area!

What happened to covid? Why did nobody remember to social distance?

Tweek opened his mouth to scream. He wasn’t sure what he was saying. All he could hear was the silence from Craig’s chest. How it was a stark contrast to the sound of his heart beating wildly in his own. All he could think about was how he would never hear the sound...Craig’s heart. He looked at the broken frame of their wedding photo on the floor. The glass was fractured—just like…

A pair of handcuffs reached out.

“DON’T TOUCH MY CRAIG!” Tweek jerked Craig’s limp body away. He backed up towards Stripe. He needed to protect both of them.

“You won’t be harmed, long as you give us all the information that we need.” A man said, as if trying to sound reassuring.

“Don’t touch him.” Tweek shook his head, backing away. “Don’t touch him, you disgusting animals!” He was ready to punch that face shield inwards and knock someone’s lights out. “DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING THAT BELONGS TO HIM WITH YOUR FILTHY HANDS!”

“Grab him.” The command was issued.

Tweek struggled to escape. He didn’t...couldn’t put down Craig. He made a tight fist. “Stay away!”

The sting of cold metal around his wrists felt so alien. His mind could barely comprehend: handcuffs.

But that can’t be right.

He can’t be in handcuffs.

Tweek sobbed. Now that he started crying, he couldn’t stop. He was going to kill those bastards. He was going to kill every single one of them.

Craig’s body was pulled away from him.

Tweek dropped to his knees and cried even harder. He wiggled his fingers around, searching for the familiar feel of rough skin and scars. All he felt was soft guinea pig fur grazing his empty hands. Stripe’s tongue licked over his fingertips as if trying to comfort him.

“We’re taking you for questi—”

“Don’t you ever fuck with Tweek.” An unamused voice warned.

Tweek squeezed his eyes shut as unbearable bright light threatened to blind his vision. He covered up Stripe’s eyes with a hand over his fluffy face.

“You pitiful humans. Even after thousands of years, you haven’t evolved past filth and greed.”

“This is it, men. Our target has finally shown his true form. Open FIRE!”

“You don't even consider the innocent victims that might get hurt fighting here.”

A sound of gunfire filled Tweek’s ears. It was so loud—the booming, cursing, then it was quiet.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, to witness the destruction. A blurry outline of a tall person appearing to be...lasering? He sniffled, eyes darting around to see blood spattered on the wall and body parts on the floor.

“Gah my God!” Tweek gasped. Paranoia invaded him as a pair of glowing blue eyes met his own. “Who are you?” He scrambled to cover his face. “Wait! Waahh…Don’t...ngh.. Don’t lo-lo..look at me with your fucked up eyeballs!”

“Come on, honey...don’t be stupid.”

Tweek peeked through his fingers. The voice, nasally and choppy, it sounded like Craig’s. The being, responsible for this massacre, looked like Craig.

“You know who I am.” Tweek could feel each step the being was taking—it was a low rumble of thunder. Even in the tone, there was some unnameable power. “Lift your head.”

Tweek didn’t have the power to reject such a command, something compelled his body to do it. He lowered his shaky hands to gaze upon a face he’d seen many times, one he’d woken up next to for years—prickly stubble, soft lips, a stoic expression—but the eyes.

“You’re not my Craig.” Tweek croaked.

The being blinked rapidly as if hearing the words ripped his heart to shreds.

“Who are you?” Tweek couldn’t bring himself not to fall victim to those blue eyes, it was a beautiful, yet twisted depiction of Craig. An ethereal image that shadowed behind his connection with reality; inner workings of his thoughts.

“Honey.”

“Please, don’t call me that. I want my husband back.”

Mr.Blue-eyes blinked.

Tweek watched his handcuffs fall to the floor. They clattered and Stripe whined, scrambling around his feet.

All was quiet now. The dead were in an infinite deep sleep.

Tweek almost wanted to cry again. The only thing stopping him was the mere fact that he cannot escape it; this tormenting fantasy—reality—that his husband’s corpus was standing before him.

“I am Craig.” Mr.Blue-eyes said. “What do I have to do to make you believe it?” He took a step towards him.

Tweek took a step back. Is it love that he felt in Craig’s eyes? Or perhaps it was just the engulfing of desire that stimulated the body, knowing that Craig had always loved him? He scooped up Stripe, holding him close to his chest.

“Let me prove it to you, honey.” Mr.Blue-eyes appeared before him in a flash.

Tweek didn’t get the time to jump back, before strong hands were straddling his waist. The touch was different now, more abrasive.

Mr.Blue-eyes leaned inwards, until Tweek felt their lips meeting. The kiss was sloppy, wet, and jarring. A skeleton like tongue nicked at his chapped lips, squirming as if wanting entrance to his cavern—hands weren’t enough, it craved the feel.

Tweek’s knees buckled; Mr.Blue-eyes became his rock, holding him steady as the blood hung in the air. He couldn’t resist the thought of— holding Craig like this forever as the world violently ended around them. It was the same thought, a familiar one he had before back when...Craig first pressed his lips on his own.

“You..” Tweek broke the kiss. “You’re the reason I got over my meth addiction.” He touched his lips, trying to keep the rush from fleeing. The rush he had been chasing after every kiss he pressed on Craig’s lips—he had it now. It was his again!

“You remember me now?” Mr.Blue-eyes asked.

“You stole my first kiss from, my Craig!” Tweek was going to bust him in the lip. It was all making sense now. He hated that it was making sense. It might be—mentally possible.

“We’re the same person.”

“My Craig hasn’t shot lasers from his eyes si-since he was ten! He wouldn’t lie to me.”

“I didn’t!” Craig said. “I fucking hate this, but I’d do it over and over again for you.” He held out his hand. “We have to go, Tweek. We have to take Stripe and go somewhere nobody will ever find us.”

“No.” Tweek hugged Stripe closer.

“Think rationally, take my hand and we’ll go.”

“I don’t know you like that! I...ngh..not going with you and neither is Stripe!”

Craig narrowed his eyes. “You said, you’d still be there for me.” He grabbed Tweek’s hand. “You said, you’d still love me!” He held up his left hand to show off the ring on his finger. “We promised!”

“GET OFF!” Tweek had never felt such a strong force on his arm, like Craig could yank it from it’s socket at any second.

“I always hold your hand like?” Craig let go immediately, “Sorry.” He must have noticed how Tweek’s hand went lax.

“Freak!” Tweek growled. His hand felt like there were little needles being stabbed into it. Blood flow circulation cut off. He wiggled his fingers, trying to wake his hand back up.

“My bad.” Craig said. “I have a lot going with me, right now.” He placed his forehead against his palm. “Just give me a chance. I’m the same guy you fell in love with...I have to be.”

Tweek stood still. So foolishly did he want that statement to be true. But there was no way he could run away with anyone...anything… how’d he even know this was real?

“Tell me.” Tweek met those dangerous blue eyes again. “What do you know about the drugs?”

Craig took a seat on the sofa, resting his elbow on the side and his face in his palm. “I’ll tell you enough to make peace with your inner demons by sunrise.” His eyes flickered as if his story was going to make Tweek provide him with the utmost entertainment for the next few hours. “In exchange, you accompany me on my journey.”

* * *

No matter what, coffee ran through his blood. It controlled his actions, his mind, his decisions. Even the pleading look in Craig’s eyes—“ _You can’t give up on me_.” That couldn’t stop him.

Couldn’t stop his coffee cravings.

The aroma of coffee. The security of warmth that slithered down his throat to curl up and warm his insides. Tweek pushed open the door to his parents coffee shop. His mouth watered and so did his eyes under the lighting.

The shop was empty— an hour till open. He pushed a few chairs out his way as the delivery on his back seemed to grow heavier with each step to the cash register. The backpack straps dug into his skin—almost reminding him this was the sack that once carried blood money.

Blood money that he’d rejoiced over. Praised over!

“Hey, mom.” Tweek said.

His mother lowered her face mask. “You’re here early today, Tweek. Your dad is in the back.”

“I just came to drop off the last of this.” Tweek took off his backpack. “All the espresso.”

His mother's expression lightened up as if a silent thank you. She walked closer to the front counter. “Want some coffee?”

Tweek took a seat under the sign that read: **Pick-up.** He rested his head on the sticky counter. Maybe his parents were right. He was a pathetic fool and life sucked.

His mother placed a cup near his elbow. She gave a happy hum, pouring the fresh drops of hot coffee from the pitcher.

“Mom, did you ever think of the consequences when you married dad?” Tweek slightly pulled down his mask.

His mother set the half-full pitcher down. “Love in fairy tales isn't realistic. I don’t believe there is such a thing as a perfect marriage.”

“I’m talking about the drugs.” Tweek placed his backpack on the counter. His mother immediately opened it up to take inventory of the product inside. “This family business thing, you didn’t have to be a part of it. You could have married away from this madness.”

“Then you wouldn’t exist, Tweek.” His mother smiled. “You’re my little miracle.”

No. Tweek was sure that was not accurate. He was her way to lighten the load—her scapegoat so she could keep on living her peaceful life. A way for them to keep up the act of a wonderful family.

“You know I’ve gotten better.” She smiled a bit more as if she actually believed the lie she was speaking. “You make me better. You encourage me. You take care of...” She held up a pack of meth.

Perhaps, his mother was more scary than his father. She was very much aware of everything going on. She saw it, lived it, and chose to put up with it.

“I’m not like you and dad.” Tweek sipped on the coffee, bitterness scaling his tongue. “I don’t think I’ll ever be. I want to live a life without watching my back.”

His mother blinked as if she didn’t comprehend. He knew she probably never would. Besides, she wasn’t the one who the SWAT team busted in on. She wasn’t the one worried about dirty money. She was an innocent smiling face, living in a facade of peace.

“This is the last time.” Tweek pointed at the backpack.

“Sweetheart, what do you mean? You know I talked with your father about that raise. He said—“

“Ngh...no! It’s...this is it! I don’t want this anymore!” Tweek shouted. He couldn’t live with knowing the SWAT team...the FBI... the whoever would be back for him. Then Craig...his poor Craig!

“Tweek.” His mother said.

“This is YOUR FAULT!” Tweek roared. Oh shit...what was he saying? “You! You and everyone else in this fucked up town!”

His mother bit her lip, as if to stop it from quivering.

“You all stressed him out! Forced him into college! Forced him into thinking he had to make up for my shortcomings!” Tweek wanted to put duct tape over his mouth. He shouldn’t be yelling at her. He shouldn’t be here. “Kenny got him hooked on weed! But ngh...I’m the only one who told him to not! Arraah! I told him over and over like a hypocrite because I was working here giving people meth!”

“Who are you—“

“You all trashed him. You let it happen then crushed everything! You’re responsible! YOU HELPED TAKE MY CRAIG AWAY FROM ME!”

The door to the coffee shop opened again. Rays of sunlight poured in not just from the windows, but seemed to radiate from the man stepping inside. He had a firm expression, eyebrows daunt, chin held high, but it was hard to tell which way his lips were curved because of the mask covering his mouth and nose.

“Craig?” His mother sounded confused.

“Sorry, Mrs. Tweak.”

Tweek felt a firm hand land on his shoulder. He shakily lifted up his cup to gulp down some more coffee.

“Tweek suddenly jumped out of the car and ran in here. I guess he wanted to make one last stop.”

“Last stop?” His mother asked.

Tweek lowered his cup.

“He’s a little extra on edge because he didn’t take his medication.” Craig pulled out a bottle of pills from his jacket pocket.

“Isn’t it a little early for him to be taking that?”

“The anxiety pills work long as they’re taken in advance.” Craig unscrewed the cap.

Plop.

Plop.

Tweek watched as two little pills fell in his cup. They sank to the bottom, covered by the black liquid. His thumb tapped on the handle, click, click, click.

“Finish up, so we can go.” Craig said.

Tweek glanced back up at his mother. She looked so confused. But soon she’d knock the confusion out of her system. She’d pop a few pills and down extra shots of espresso in her coffee. It would be funny; just like when he was younger, she’d let him go.

“Tweek, stop wasting time. Drink up.”

The cup touched his lips again and the hot substance rolled down his throat. Tweek couldn’t complain about it, or understand why he was doing it. It was just happening—on Craig’s command. He felt the pills roll across his tongue. He wanted to grab his own throat, gagging himself senseless to stop the dry medicine from plunging into the abyss.

It hurt.

Even with the coffee to ease to ache—it felt like he just swallowed acid.

“So so gross!” Tweek sputtered.

“All of it.”

Tweek chugged it. Every last drop of the bitterness. He placed the empty cup down, his eyes finally meeting blue. He pulled his face mask back on.

Craig nodded at Mrs.Tweak. She didn’t seem to be processing anything. She gave a little wave as Tweek rose, following Craig out the door.

“I guess you can take the day off. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said in tune to the bell ringing to signal their departure.

There would be no tomorrow. Tweek could feel that there wouldn’t be a chance to even say goodbye. She didn’t deserve one anyway. He was neck deep in something, that he wouldn’t be in if it wasn’t for them. Now he was seeing stuff!

He pressed a hand on Craig’s car. The baby blue vehicle looked real, but it could all be a part of one cruel illusion. He’d seen it time and time again, people go crazy after the death of a loved one. They make up stuff to bring them comfort and peace.

He kicked a rock across the parking lot. It rolled over the pavement, tumbling into a storm drain. A downhill spiral without enough friction to escape.

“Are you crazy?” Craig opened the passenger side door.

Tweek didn’t know how or when, but his knees hit the glove box and he was sitting down. His hands were fidgeting with anything he could touch a pen, an air freshener, the lock on the door handle.

“You could have broken your arm or leg. What if you cracked your skull or a rib or something?” Craig sounded pissed.

His arm. Yeah. That might have hurt. Not as much as dying but yeah, some pain. Something. He needed to feel something to let him know—

“Hah...I don’t know if you’re a figment of my imagination anymore.” Tweek ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Or if my mom really saw you. She seemed out of it. Like...like I was talking to myself.”

“It’s alright.” Craig strapped Tweek in his seat belt. “The drugs will kick in soon. You’ll feel better.”

“Better?” Tweek felt his lips curve upwards. “You think I’m gonna bug out on you.”

“I gave you the pills so you stop doing just that.” Craig pulled on the belt to ensure it was locked in tight.

Away from here. Away from here. Away from here. Tweek used a hand to press down on the buckle.

Craig slapped it away. “Take deep breaths and be still.” He placed Stripe’s carrying cage in Tweek’s lap.

Tweek whined. That hurt! Craig hit him! That... He let out a loud shout. He elbowed Craig in the nose.

“Tweek! Please! People are going to think I’m kidnapping you.” Craig’s voice cracked as if his own reaction scared and alarmed himself.

“Leave me alone!” Tweek shouted louder. “I got rid of the drugs. There are no more in the apartment. They’re all gone! Gone! So you go!”

Stripe squealed. He ran back and forth in his cage.

“You’re scaring Stripe.” Craig said.

“No! YOU! STRIPE IS SCARED OF YOU! HE’S SCARED OF YOU!” Tweek felt Stripe get rallied up more. His feet scrambled back around, volume hitting the same fearful trill of his owner.

“It's going to be alright. I promise, okay? Things are going to...fuck...” Craig pressed a hand to his head. He slammed the car door shut.

Tweek was about to try and unbuckle his seat belt and make a run for it, but then he saw a bright beam of blue light shoot across the sky. Lasers. He clasped a hand around the strap over his chest.

He heard Craig hiss more curses from his mouth as he walked around to the driver side.

Why was this nightmare happening to him?

Craig took a seat, turning the car back on. He seemed a little nervous himself, his palms sweaty, his shoulders tensed, his expression distraught.

Tweek couldn’t stomach the sight. “What do you want? For me to give back..gah... the money? You can take it! I’ll get another job. An honest one, without lies and deceit.”

“Not now, babe. I’m mad...I—“

“You’re possessing Craig because he’s mad? I’m sorry for making you step out of your comfort zone. I should have kept it boring. You’re right! Gah! I’m naggy! I like to get my way and be in control! I’m a control freak!”

Craig turned to face him, his eyebrows knitted in confusion with his lips tugging down.

Tweek flinched. “I...I made you thigh fuck me. Then I made you play along with me.” He shrank back in his seat. “I know it was selfish. I just wanted to have sex. I wanna yoooou to to to to be proud of me. Tell me, I’m a good boy.” He felt his body betray him, starting to tremble. “But I’m just a human trash can! I only shower once every...ngh three weeks to save money on the water bill! I drink so much coffee my teeth have like a permanent yellowish stain! Then my...my average sized dick!”

“Tweek, what the fuck?” Craig blinked.

“I don’t like it when you talk like him!” Tweek covered his ears. “Don’t do that to me. I can’t stand that!” He hiccuped. “I know I did some selfish things, but I really did love my Craig. So much. So much.”

“I’m not dead.” Craig said. “Stop acting like I’m dead.”

Tweek sniffled. He was really going crazy. All that medicine was catching up to him. All the years of meth that had decayed his brain and body to what? To talk to himself? To live in a state of regret? To have withdrawals? Maybe he was just like his mom...there was only one way to numb the pain. Only one way to live in peace.

He reached forward to dig around in the glove box. Craig would keep stuff in here like—ah-ha—weed.

“Put that down. You don’t smoke.”

“You don’t know what I do.” Tweek had never lit a joint before. The rolled up paper contained a bit of weed on the inside, he hoped his shaky hands didn’t set the whole thing on fire.

“Stop it.” Craig said. “You’re not smoking. That’s my joint now put it back.”

Tweek did as he was commanded and put the joint right back where he found it.

“Silly human. Troublesome. Urrk!” Craig yanked the tassels down, lowering his hat over his eyes. He seemed to be having an argument with himself.

Tweek trembled. He had to find a way to get the fuck out of here. He had to ditch this...being...that claimed to be Craig. His hands met the door handle.

“Why? No. No. It’s not. Fine. Fine. I’m fine.” Craig seemed to tug down harder on his tassels. “Tweek is here. He’s gonna make it alright. He’s just a little scared now. He always gets like this around new things. I should be lucky he hasn’t punched me.”

Damn right he should be. Tweek lowered his hand. He couldn’t draw his eyes away from—this so called, Craig. His Craig would never act like this.

“Bro.” A knock came on the window.

Tweek looked between the window switch and Craig having a mental breakdown. He leaned over, extending his finger to press down on the switch.

The window lowered to reveal Clyde and Bebe. Clyde gave a friendly wave. “Hey, we were walking to the impound lot to get my car. And I just saw those lasers and thought—“

“He didn’t think anything.” Bebe pushed Clyde to the side. “Move! You backstabbing fool!” She fixed the over sized jacket on her body. “Open up, Craig Tucker! You’re giving us a ride to the impound lot so I can get my clothes out of this fool’s car.”

“Nghh…” Tweek looked at Craig ready to claw his eyeballs out.

Bebe walked around to the backseat and sat inside. She crossed her legs, fixing up her curly hair in the mirror, and checking her face mask. “Get your ass in gear!”

Clyde clambered in behind her. He shuffled his feet to avoid bumping into the luggage on the floor. “Y’all like actually dippin. That’s crazy, dude. Where ya headed?”

Craig lifted up his hat. He blinked as if lost for a few seconds.

“Wait. You're right. Don’t tell me. The cops might come around asking questions.” Clyde said.

“ _Quién_?” Craig wrinkled his brow. He looked at the two through the rear view mirror.

“Get driving.” Bebe put on her seat belt. “We’re trying to make it soon as it opens.” She tossed her hair and checked her nails. “I don’t want to have to wait in line.”

Craig turned to Tweek. “Honey, why are these people in my car?”

“Ngahhahh…” Tweek couldn't move his mouth to make actual words. They could see Craig? He slouched over in his seat.

Craig cut his eyes, his voice deepening. “Why are you lowly humans in my car?”

“Lowly humans? Ouch!” Clyde buckled his seat belt. “I get you’re trying to ditch us. But why ya gotta cut us off like that?”

Craig’s eyes started glowing.

Tweek flinched. He really didn’t want to see another massacre. “Gah!” His left hand moved to grip Craig’s thigh. “They’re...ngh...can’t you see? You can see your friends, Clyde and Bebe?”

Craig’s eyes dimmed. “Clyde.” He repeated the name.

“Aw, it’s his eye disease.” Clyde sounded almost sympathetic.

No, you idiot! Tweek wanted to scream. It’s not a damn eye disease, shut the fuck up! He warily patted Craig’s leg. “He’s just...Doesn’t he seem different to anyone?” He croaked.

“It seems like he’s faking shit to not burn rubber.” Bebe said.

Tweek couldn’t be the only one who noticed Craig had changed! Clyde even said he saw the lasers, how was he not freaking out over this?

Stripe moved around, his nose twitching at the smell of new people in the car.

“Can’t you both take the bus?“

“I want Craig to drive me.”

Tweek spun around in his seat just to look Bebe dead in her face. Bebe fluttered her long fake lashes, her nails seemed sharp enough to shred the car seat.

She checked her phone. “It’s almost opening time. Gas it.”

“Alright. Fine...ngh!” Tweek figured it was good to be with people anyway in case anything went crazy. “We’ll drive you to the impound lot.” He released his hold on Craig’s leg.

Craig placed his hands back on the steering wheel. The car moved forward, zipping past buildings.

Bebe relaxed back in her seat, as if satisfied that she was finally getting her way.

“So...Tweek, I heard you’re into strip clubs.” Clyde said.

The car rolled over a speed bump.

“Craig was telling me how you seemed interested about going to one.” Clyde kept on rambling.

Tweek zoned Clyde’s voice out from his brain. He couldn’t be bothered about that. Craig was acting like a nut! Craig didn’t even recognize his own friends. It wasn’t just his eyes. This was something more, something…

“Do you even know where you’re going?” Tweek whispered.

“Yes.” Craig flicked on the turning signal.

Tweek felt his lips curve down. That made no sense, how'd he remember where the lot was but not the face of his best friend?

“I have all my memories. Faces are blurry but names don’t desert me.” Craig said.

Tweek didn’t know why Craig was talking like that. It sounded different, far off from his regular speech.

“Didn’t you want me to drive them?” Craig turned down another street.

This one had a few shops that were open. Parking lots were still mostly empty and the line around the donut shop was double wrapped.

Tweek wanted to get out of this reality where the world didn’t make sense anymore.

Clyde was chatting away like nothing in the world was wrong. Bebe was too busy about her appearance to worry about anything else.

Maybe the world hadn’t gone insane; it was just him. Tweek trembled. The pills would kick in soon. Soon as they kicked in, he’d be able to smile and laugh like everyone else. He wouldn’t be on the verge of an anxiety attack. He’d be fine. He’d...

No. He couldn’t accept this!

“Clyde why don’t you ask Craig about that one time?” Tweek croaked.

Clyde stopped rambling. “That one time?”

“Yeah. That...that time with you and Token.”

“There were a bunch of times with us and Token. Oh! And Jimmy too.”

“Okay. But the time, you told me about with...the weapons.” Tweek barely managed not to stumble over his words. “I wasn’t there. But Craig was.”

“Haha! We went crazy with it.” Clyde bumped against the back of Craig’s seat. “Remember I had—“

“Yeah! Craig what type of weapon did he have?” Tweek interjected.

“It was a...a...a.” Craig’s left eye started to twitch. His hold on the wheel seemed to falter.

“If it hurts don’t force it. I can just—“

“No, Clyde let him remember.”

“I’ll give ya a hint. We fought Kenny and them tooth and nail. One of us had a distinct advantage over Stan.”

“Some parts of such an event…”

“You cannot forget! We got cool weapons when we lied about our parents being dead.” Clyde said.

“Why would we lie about something so terrible?” Craig asked.

“It was FREE weapons.”

“Weapons are not something to be proud of owning, they cause violent wars that devastate civilizations. Many people die due to—“

“Craig, chill. We were little kids having fun. Nobody got...well there was Butters’ eye.”

“We put out some kid’s eye?” Craig tapped the brakes.

“Not some kid, Butters. Ya know this is why he has that scar. Kenny threw a ninja star at him.” Clyde chuckled. “Crazy. I don’t even think he got in trouble.”

Bebe rolled her eyes. “How’d y’all manage to pull that off?”

“Don’t know. We left soon as we thought we’d get in trouble.” Clyde grinned, throwing an arm around Bebe’s shoulder. “Ya know me, cunning and brilliant.”

The car stopped in front of the impound lot. The gates were still locked up tight, but an open sign light was on in the adjacent building.

“Sure.” Bebe pushed Clyde away and undid her seat belt. “The only cunning thing you did was flagging down Craig. Oh wait, we wouldn’t be in this mess if you would have just left him behind yesterday.” She got out of the car, slamming the door without a word of thanks.

Clyde sighed dreamily. “She just acts like that but she loves me.” He held out his fist. “Anyway, catch ya when ya come back in town, dude.”

Craig fist bumped him.

“Hope your eyesight gets better.” Clyde stepped out of the car. “Take good care of him, Tweek.” He hurried along to catch up with Bebe heading towards the main building.

Take care of an impostor? Tweek returned to gaze at his feet. “You didn’t remember.” He whispered.

“I...I do. I remember, I know all about Kenny putting out Butters’ eye.” Craig said.

“No, you don’t! Gah! You weren’t even there when he did it! Clyde told me you saw Butters in a back alley dressed up as a dog!”

“It’s coming back to me. The weapon, it was a sword.” Craig paused. “No. I had the sword. We were fighting in a back alley?” He seemed to be withdrawing again, slightly freaking out. “Why the heck...Tweek. In my mind... I know…I know, I know it.”

“Why don’t you make it...ngh...easier for both of us and just go?” Tweek couldn’t take this. It was too confusing.

“Go. Yeah. Let’s go.” Craig nodded as if he seemed to remember they were supposed to be ditching this town.

“I mean away from—“ Tweek jerked back in his seat as Craig put the pedal to the metal.

He held onto Stripe’s carrying cage in his lap. He heard the sound of their luggage jostling around in the back. At this speed, he got the feeling jumping out the car might do more than break a few bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .................................sorry.


	5. Babe Make Up Your Mind, Kill Or Be Kind?

_**Tweek and Craig** _

Tweek kept an eye on how his cell phone signal was getting weaker and weaker. The small town he had grown up in was getting further and further away. Buildings were replaced by miles of mountains, trees and grass with the occasional farm and fence every few stops.

He shifted in his seat. He wondered what his parents would think when he didn’t show up to work in the morning. How would they react when they saw the news on tv? Shock? Confusion? Disappointment? He looked up from his phone to check the window.

“We could take that interstate to Wyoming.” Craig said.

The car was zooming down the open road. Stars overhead twinkled, as bright headlights lit the dark path before them. An interstate sign hanging on an overhead pointed into a turn off from the back roads.

“Ngh.” Tweek pressed his face against the cool glass. “You want to go to Wyoming?”

At some point in time the drugs had kicked in. His hands got less fidgety, his body less shaky, his brain cleared from delirium to grasp at things that were real. The trees, road, stop signs—real. He focused on that…Facts. If he knew fact he could differentiate from his imagination.

“I don’t care.” Craig kept his eyes focused on the road. “Just away from here. The world is a big place, there has to be somewhere...somewhere we can live out the rest of our lives in peace.”

We. Collective pronoun. Tweek pulled away from the window and looked down at Stripe. Stripe was sleeping peacefully in his carrying cage, almost happily as if he knew this was where everyone belongs—together.

“I don’t think we should drive any further without a plan.” Tweek said.

“Then choose where you want me to drive.” Craig lifted his foot a bit off the gas pedal.

“Back home.” Tweek fidgeted in his seat. He was never one for big moves or changes, especially with a stranger. This being—Craig—he was so close to his heart, so far away. So WRONG.

“Home is wherever we go together.”

His Craig would never say something like that. Tweek yawned.

“Tired, babe?” Craig asked.

Yes. Tweek was tired. He was tired, stressed out, and done with this whole thing. His eyelids kept growing heavier, each time they’d close an image of Craig’s cold lifeless body in his arms would appear. It stained him in blood, his hands, his vision, his clothes. No matter how much soap and water, no matter how much he changed, he couldn’t be clean. Fear of the image always made his eyes snap back open.

“You’re lying to me. This is a lie.”

“We talked to your mom. We talked to Clyde. You’re talking to me. I don’t know how much more proof you need.” Craig took one hand off the steering wheel and offered it to Tweek. “Touch my hand.”

“Bullshit.” Tweek shook his head. He still couldn’t...refused to hold hands with an impostor.

“When you do that my heart feels funny.” Craig placed both hands on the wheel again. No sign of understanding or flicker of emotion came across his face. “I don’t like it. I like you, but not how I’m feeling right now.”

“Then I guess we feel the same damn..ngh...way about each other.”

“Make it stop.” Craig didn’t have a plan to reclaim the love of his life. The love that had hugged him, kissed him, fondled him, kicked him, punched him, and called him a nerd, a loser, a geek. He wished Tweek could love him again like he did on their first date or on their wedding night. “I am really the same physically.”

“Ngh?” Tweek felt the car start to slow.

Craig turned on the caution lights. The yellow flickered on and off as he turned into a little field. The wheels ran over the grass and dirt to provide a more bumpy ride than one the paved road.

“Where are you going?” Tweek trembled. Oh Jesus...maybe the impostor was pissed off and was about to laser him to death in an abandoned field.

Craig put the car in park and turned off the engine. “Here.” He looked through the windshield to see all the stars in the night sky. “You did say we shouldn’t go any further without a plan.”

Tweek clicked his seat belt. With the car off, everything was suddenly dark. It was impossible to see around the area or even just for him to see very well inside the car itself. He lifted Stripe from his lap, turning to place his cage in the backseat. “Night, night...” He turned back to the front—a pair of glowing blue eyes stared at him.

It was creepy, almost eerie, each time Craig blinked it was like the glow would flicker like a faulty bulb.

“Ngh...c-can you turn those off?” Tweek reached up to touch the top of the car, feeling the cloth for the overhead set of lights.

“Cataracts.”

“The optimist said nothing about it making your eyes glow!”

Craig blinked. “I can’t control it.” He took off his seat belt. “That’s what I mean. It is out of control, like how the sun appears to rise and set, but is really stationary in the universe.”

“What are you talking about?” Tweek bumped his head against something hard. “Gah! Why is it so damn hard to find the lights?”

“Light.” Craig lifted his head. His eyes acted like a flashlight to illuminate the area where Tweek was searching. “This is helpful?”

Tweek resisted the urge to slap Craig in the face and tell him to face the floor. Craig shouldn’t be flashing his laser eyes around like… “Can...gah! You just—” The lit area seemed to shrink as a weight was added to his lap. “What the hell are you doing?”

Craig crowded Tweek against the seat. He kept his head up, eyes shifting left and right. “Helping you find the lights.” His breath tickled against Tweek’s cheek.

“St-stop it!” Tweek felt himself quivering, his voice and his body. “I can find ‘em.” A blinding light filled his vision and he knew Craig was studying him.

“You don’t trust me?” Craig asked.

“You haven’t done anything that makes me think I should.”

“I can show you.” Craig said. “If you feel it, you’ll understand better. Just like the kiss, you can’t deny it.” He reached a hand down to adjust the seat back.

Tweek felt his body go from vertical to horizontal, his head thudding against the headrest as his hands fell to either of his sides. He could barely see the light before his eyes, so bright, so big, so—Craig.

“We’re taking this slow, and we’re doing this our way.” Craig slipped his hands under Tweek’s shirt. “Remember when I told you that?”

“Yes.” Tweek couldn’t get his voice much louder than a whisper. There was like this overbearing pressure on his heart.

“You were so scared then, Tweek. Scared of doing something so simple.” Craig brushed his lips over Tweek’s sweaty forehead. “I don’t want you to be scared of me.”

Hot.

Craig’s touch _scorched_ his skin.

“I’m not.” Tweek felt himself melt. Craig’s hands somehow followed behind his lips, running up his little curves and over his thighs. He held down a deep groan as one of Craig’s fingers ran down the center of his chest to his belly button. “Can’t...be..ngh...I’m not scared of anybody.”

“I’m not just anybody.” Craig removed his hands from under Tweek’s shirt. He wasn’t...anybody? He looked out the window to see the moon and stars high in the sky.

“Don’t touch me.” Tweek crossed his arms to protect himself. “If you do it again I’ll cut your dick off.”

“There is a reason why you came with me. It’s because, you know deep down there is a slither of me that can’t let go.”

Where was his knife? Tweek began patting his pockets.

“I assure you, I’m still here. I’m still alive. Just let me prove it to you.”

“Do anything ify...and I’ll chop it.” Tweek threatened, pulling out his blade.

“You feel me, right? You felt my hands on your body, my lips on your own.” Craig said.

“So what, jackass? That doesn’t...ngh...mean anything. I could be high off my medication or something.” Tweek held the knife steady in his hand. “I could be dreaming all of this!”

Craig lowered his hands to pull down Tweek’s pants. “Feel this?”

“I said don’t..aah.” Tweek gasped as air hit his forming erection. “Touch and feeling are different.” He held the blade against Craig's wrist. “Now back up.”

“Don’t do anything cra—”

Tweek sliced the blade into Craig’s skin.

An almost clear substance leaked out, and coated the knife.

“How the?” Tweek sniffled, using his long shirt sleeves to wipe his nose. “Just as I thought, I’m going crazy.”

The look on Craig’s face almost appeared to be one of pain and sadness. The words, _“Tweek, how could you?”_ seemed to die on his tongue. His eyes began to glow brighter, a beam knocked the knife from Tweek’s hand.

“That hurt.” Craig clamped his hand over the cut on his right wrist. “Do not do it again.”

Tweek watched in horror as Craig lifted his hand and the skin beneath it appeared like it had never been harmed. He kicked his leg forward, forcing Craig back against the dashboard. “How did you...ngh...do that?”

Craig grunted at the sudden position shift. “I don’t know! A bunch of weird shit is happening to my body.”

“Get away from me!” Tweek knocked his kneecap against Craig’s jaw. “That’s not normal. Shooting lasers, healing instantly, it’s madness!”

“We live in South Park, when has our lives ever not been madness!”

“I choose not to get dragged into this!” Tweek fumbled his fingers over the buttons on the side door. He pressed rapidly, listening to the locks move back and forth. “I’m—”

“You know what, Tweek? If you want to go, just go!” Craig swung open the door for him. “I can’t deal with you giving me stress I don’t need.”

“You...ngh...can’t drive me here and expect me to jump out like before! The setting is completely different!” Tweek stared out into the dark empty field. He didn’t know what he was more terrified of, Craig’s laser vision or getting shot in a random back field of some redneck’s farm.

“You can...Ugh...not now.” Craig tugged on his hat tassels. “Not like this!”

Tweek, if he’d had half a clue, would have escaped while the door was wide open and Craig was in a state of disarray. But he felt the strings of his heart strummed by each one of Craig’s pitiful cries.

“I’m so scared. I... just!”

“You’re scared?”

“Human, stop messing around!” Craig slammed the car door closed. “I’m patient, but I’ve had enough of this!”

“Don’t raise your voice! If you were really my Craig, you’d know I don’t respond well to people yelling at me.” Tweek didn’t understand. Just a few seconds ago, Craig was whining, messing with his hat?

“Who was there for you when the president launched missiles over your house?” Craig asked.

“My Craig!”

“Who took the fall when—”

“Gaaaah! You’re just trying to guilt trip me, using my Craig’s voice and body!”

“What do I have to do to make you understand? I’m not a whole different person. I’m just me. I will always be just me.”

There was something more to Craig now, something that had desires very different from his heart. But it didn’t seem like a bad thing, or that he was trying to be any danger towards...

Craig’s eyes glowed bright like the sun, a small smile slipped on his face as he quietly said, “Tweek.”

It was a smile that Tweek had never seen before, and his heart had leapt into his throat, stopping any words from his mouth. His chest ached as he watched the light in Craig's eyes slowly dim back down.

”I’ll test you.” Tweek lowered his leg.

Craig didn’t move.

Tweek began undoing his buttons. “To see if you’re my Craig.” His shirt fell, to reveal his milky skin and slender frame. “You remember this hickey?” He tilted his neck and pointed to the side.

Craig slowly nodded.

Tweek pointed to another one. “This?”

“I...that one was an accident.” Craig lowered himself closer to Tweek again.

“The nail marks?”

“You like it when I do that.”

“Yep.” Tweek guided Craig’s hand to stroke his cock. “And...do you know, what will happen when you touch me here?”

“I know.” Craig made a fist around Tweek’s cock. He jerked his hand up and down, eating up the soft pants falling from Tweek’s lips. “I know all the right places to touch... to get you wet.”

Tweek felt his heart race at those words. He figured, if any part of his Craig was left in there. He was about to find out in a few seconds.

Craig slowed the speed of his hand, letting Tweek take control of his own pleasure. “Are you going to let me touch wherever I want?”

“I want to feel you.” Tweek lifted Craig’s hand away. “You, you.” He pulled off his bottoms, kicking them to the side. “No lies.”

“You’re serious?”

“We will have...ngh...it will be nice and boring! You can be in control. Lube is in...ahh...the glove department.”

They didn't have much room in their cramped car. Tweek had adjusted to this, Craig was a tall guy so bed or car seat, he’d find a way to get it in.

Tweek heard the distinctive plastic lid of the lubricant snap open, then shut again. Suddenly, he felt a finger rub lightly against his entrance before sinking inside.

“How’s this?” Craig reached down, spreading Tweek’s legs open slightly.

Tweek squeezed his eyes shut. There was something dangerous and enthralling about the way Craig stroked his insides. Step one, PASS. He groaned. That was something his Craig would do. He’d never announce something cringe.

“Good...good, yes.” Tweek repeated, his chest rising and falling with Craig’s movements. He felt the intrusion of a second finger. “Ngh!”

“Too much?” Craig swirled his fingers inside of Tweek's ass, stretching that cute little hole. He slid his fingers in and out, scraping against the sides. “Tell me when it gets better.”

It burned. Tweek whimpered. He had fingered himself before...plenty of times, but Craig’s hands were larger than his own. So it made things rather difficult. He squirmed uncomfortably, his legs kicking a bit as he frantically shook his head.

“Honey,” Craig tightened his hold on Tweek’s left leg, his nails digging into a vein until Tweek gasped. “Calm down before I accidentally kill you.” He pulled a single finger out slightly, to keep him still. “Humans are so soft and fragile.” He thumbed over reddening skin. Yeah...humans were so soft.

“Go...go back to one.” Tweek shuddered. “I...I don’t want you to break me in half like a KitKat.” He meant to say it as a joke, but somewhere his brain registered to laser dick and that made his thoughts go downhill.

“I haven’t even put it in yet.” Craig felt his cock start to swell even more with each sound from Tweek’s lips. “When I do that, then you can worry about being split in half. Which is impossible. It’s literally impossible.” His cock was swelling and swelling—he was so desperate to have something rub against.

“B-but...but laser dick.”

“You’re the one who wanted this.”

Aww, yeah! Tweek liked when his Craig would always give him what he wanted. Step two, PASS. He let out a pleasant hum as Craig kept one finger fully inside and slipped the second in and out randomly. He leaned upwards, pressing his mouth on top of Craig's.

Spit evaporated from their mouths. Craig let out a throaty growl. Tweek could feel the vibrations as if something powerful was residing below. Tweek ran his hands under Craig’s shirt, all the cuts were gone.

“This is so freaking weird.” Tweek moaned lowly against Craig’s mouth and licked at his bottom lip.

“Imagine how I feel.” Craig increased the speed of his fingers.

Tweek moved from Craig’s mouth to his throat, and wet his skin with kisses. Craig kept up a steady pace, sneaking in a third finger as Tweek shuddered and gripped his arm, panting his name against his chin.

“Craig...hot. It’s hot!” Tweek whined.

“You always tell me that.” Craig’s tongue lull out of his mouth as he watched his fingers slip into Tweek.

Tweek fluttered his eyelids, feeling Craig delve even deeper. “No. Not you’re hot. It’s hot. The car! The heat!” He was sweating, like he was being held over an open flame. Craig’s touch kept burning his insides.

“Huh?”

“You’re gah...freakishly getting hotter!” Tweek shouted. The temperature was getting more unbearable. Too damn hot.

“Shoot...Sorry.” Craig pulled his fingers from Tweek’s hole completely. “I didn’t mean to! I...I’m not trying to.”

“Water...” Tweek reached over to feel for the cup holders. His mouth was so dry. It was like all his spit had evaporated from contact with Craig’s skin. His dry tongue ran over his cracked lips, his hands searching desperately for the plastic bottle. “Please. I need it.”

Craig lowered his sight to shine a light on the middle section. He caught sight of the water bottle. “Found it.”

“Don’t touch!” Tweek grabbed it for himself. He unscrewed the cap, chugging down the liquid.

The car seemed to get more like a desert—hot, dry. It was as if the sun was baking Tweek’s skin, making the air more hard to breathe, caging him up in an inescapable sauna.

“You...you’re making it hot? Ngh...what is this madness?” Tweek couldn't find any other way to describe it. The sun had long since set; the moon and stars were now clearly visible. “Let a window down.”

Craig shifted over, he used the master controls on the door to lower every window in the car. There was no breeze, but at least the heat was able to escape instead of being all canned up.

“My fault. I’m getting excited.” Craig grunted. “I’m soooo...I don’t know. I like being intimate with you, Tweek.” He moved his hands, but then retreated them back to his side.

“You do?”

“Yes. Even after everything you said before about trying to seduce me...You’re such a strange little human.”

“HEY!”

“It’s...eh, the word doesn’t hit my tongue... cute? You’re cute.”

“Gah!” Tweek felt his face heat up. “D-don’t say those things, it's already too hot in here!” He tossed the empty water bottle to the floor.

“Okay.” Craig said. “Just know, I never ever felt pressured to have sex, maybe seduced by your nice smile...”

Tweek clamped his hand over Craig’s mouth. “You...ngh...!” He felt a familiar hardness brush against his thighs. “Really...mean that?”

Craig kissed Tweek’s hand.

“Even when I wore those guinea pig ears, and...and the money thing.”

Craig kissed Tweek’s hand again.

“You...you liked the thigh fucking the best, though? Ngh... I...I liked that too.”

Craig kissed Tweek’s hand repeatedly.

Tweek felt his heart swell. This was definitely something his Craig would do. “Let’s try this again.” He lowered his hand.

“Tell me, if it gets too hot.” Craig said.

Tweek let out a little yelp as Craig slipped two fingers back into him. He watched as the muscles in Craig’s arm flexed while he hooked his finger toward the roof of his entrance repeatedly. He moaned lowly, the heat was still there just a little more bearable. It didn’t hurt that much, a majority of heat must have risen out the windows and escaped to encase the Earth in warmth.

“We should have a safe word.” Craig said.

“Oh...oh, uhh...” Tweek felt his mind draw a blank. “Hammer time?”

“You want the safe word to be hammer time?”

“I’ll remember it at least.”

“Okay.” Craig changed them to a more comfortable position. He pumped his fingers in and out.

“Araag—ck!” Tweek clamped down around Craig. Craig’s fingers were hitting _that_ spot. “There...pl-please! Feels good!” He felt his orgasm creep up on him in waves. “I’m close!”

“Not yet.” Craig removed his fingers. “I want in.” He pulled his own bottoms down, just enough to expose his hardness.

“I don’t know if...if... I’m prepared enough.” Tweek didn’t need to see the size of Craig’s cock. Shit. He knew what he was working with, even limp it was huge. Craig’s massive size had caused him so many aches and pains. “Can I get your fingers some more?”

“Don’t be selfish, human.” Craig swapped their positions. He sat in the passenger seat, while holding Tweek above his lap. The small human felt almost weightless as if he were filled of nothing but helium, it would be easy to move him up and down on his cock. “I’ll fuck you like this.”

“We...we never did this position before.” Tweek trembled a bit, he got a good overhead view of between Craig's muscled hips where his swollen cock was— reddened, tip dripping with pre-cum.

“Well, I can’t fuck you like how we were before, there’s not enough _room_ for me, honey.”

“I’m just not used to being on top. It’s different looking down at you.”

“From this position, you could ride me.”

“That sounds like too much work. Just…” Tweek felt Craig’s hold on his waist tighten, as he lowered closer to his lap. “Be real gentle. It’s been a while.” He traced a finger along Craig’s collarbone.

“ _Hmm_...but human, you’ve deprived me for so long.” Craig growled deeply. He shoved his nose against Tweek's neck, like he could smell the fear coming off him. He grounded Tweek's hips against his hardness, smearing cum around his little rim. “Humans exists to serve the Gods. You must fulfill your duty as my lover.” He bit down on Tweek's collar bone. 

"Wha-whaa...what are you talking about?" Tweek choked on a moan. He felt the head of Craig’s cock forcing his rim open. He could feel himself stretch for it, opening up to welcome Craig inside. The tip moved forward, so slowly. "—Gah, the girth!” He let out a slur of incoherent words, wrapping his arms around Craig’s shoulders for support.

“Hold on it's almost in.” Craig grunted.

“The girth! Craig...ngh...your girth. You ca—!” Tweek felt his insides being stretched to capacity. He held tighter to Craig, trying not to tremble. “Ah, just... aanghh… Craaaaaaig!”

“Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. It will feel real good soon.” Craig stuffed his large cock into Tweek’s twitchy little hole. It seemed to make all Tweek’s fruitless shouts dissipate to whimpers.

Tweek sat in Craig’s lap, his cock buried fully into him. He chewed on his bottom lip. It was hot. Craig was _so hot._ The heat was doing more than searing his rim, but screwing with his insides. It felt like he eaten fire. His guts churned. The smell of arousal between them was driving him mad. 

Craig had forgotten this feeling—this was absolutely delightful. It was taking so much self control not to start...He tried to clear his head, focusing his attention on the smaller body in his lap. "Speak to me, Tweek. How do you feel?”

Tweek made a few more sounds that weren't quiet words. He squeezed Craig's biceps, trying to rid the sweat from his palms. “Full.” A wave of heat spread between his walls, from Craig's swollen tip to the nerves running through him. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, snot dripped from his nose as every hole in his body seemed to open up. “I...get...get it over with move!” He groaned.

Craig lifted Tweek up until his head hit the roof, then slammed him back down.

“Hit me in the right place!” Tweek groaned louder.

Craig slammed Tweek down from another angle this time— _deeper._ He pulled back soon as he heard another groan of disapproval from Tweek.

“Put it where your fingers were.”

“I’m trying.”

Tweek tried to keep up with Craig’s movements. Slide in — inhale. Slide out — exhale. Slide in — curse to the sound of Craig’s broken gasp. Slide out — his cock was hard between them, slapping against Craig's stomach each time, he bounced in Craig's lap.

“You’re so _damn_ tight...Such a good boy.” Craig praised, his teeth raking against Tweek’s skin. He pressed a quick kiss on his neck. Something about this was getting his memory going. “I wish there was a big enough mirror for you to see yourself. You’re taking my dick and you’re not even a little twitchy.”

“You’re rocking the whole car.” Tweek grit his teeth to bear it for a little longer. “Going so deep inside me...ahh.” He gasped, falling fully back into Craig’s lap. Soon. Soon Craig would hit that spot again. He had to hit that spot again. “I doubt you would feel my little ticks.”

“I would.” Craig moved Tweek up his cock in short little jerks. This touch. The feeling. It was almost just as good as...he moved his hand to offer it Tweek.

Tweek grabbed it. There was no second guessing this time. His eyes slammed shut as he bounced up and down helping Craig hammer into him. It felt so...so... He opened his eyes to see that Craig’s blue hat had fallen.

“Tweek, honey...” Craig’s blue eyes flashed, lustful and luminous. “How was that feeling?”

Tweek didn’t know. How did it feel to have Craig stretch him open and beat up his insides? It made him scream till his throat craved cool relief. It made his stomach knot up with glee till he felt sick. It made his head spin till thoughts fled from his mind and his only focus was Craig’s movements.

“You...you dropped your hat.” Tweek managed to sputter out.

“I did?” Craig started to search the car.

“Yes, you— _wait!_ Oh shit! Don’t stop! Fuck the hat.”

“But—“

“Gah...ngh! Me! Finish me!”

“You sound like a Mortal Kombat game.”

“At least I’m not a nerd worried about my stupid old hat during sex!”

The car rocked a bit harder each time Craig drilled into Tweek’s sweet spot. Tweek’s ass was bright red from the rough slams against Craig's pelvis as his balls slapped against those cheeks over and over.

“Crai—!” Tweek exploded, spraying both of them. He had never had such an amazing orgasm before, it almost brought him to tears. “— _Fuck!_ What are you?”

“I’m not sure.” Craig picked up speed as Tweek’s tight walls encased him. “Some call me, Sun God Jesus. My followers call me, Inti.” He managed to pull Tweek up, then drop him back down to hit his sweet spot. “You call me, your husband.”

Tweek threw his head back and let out a joyful cry. He was shaking again, he felt it—something different about the way Craig was pounding into him. “Ah...a God. A Sun God. I married a Sun God?” He could barely make sense of the words tumbling out his own lips.

He recalled Red’s explanation, _“The Inca divided his identity according to the stages of the sun, believing Inti to control everything the sun’s rays touched.”_ According to the sun—stages—Craig split into stages. Memories in his life?

“Many things still flee my memories. All that is clear is my connection to you, human.” Craig grinned. “I can recall that I am in fact Craig. I dropped out of college. I live a boring life with my husband Tweek and our son Stripe.”

“How is this possible?” Tweek blubbered out.

“That I don’t know.” Craig said, softly. “Ah, Tweek, warning…I’m close...” He slowed a bit as if sliding in and out was getting more difficult. “Most humans don’t usually take well to a God’s seed. It kinda burns their insides like acid.”

“Huh? That sounds like laser di—”

“But all of this, it’s my emotions. I want you to feel me in every part of you.” Craig jammed his cock all the way into Tweek, feeling the heat coddle his throbbing flesh. “So I’ll let you bear my seed, human.”

Tweek screamed. “Dunhuhuhuuu. Can't touch this! Break it down!” He felt hot loads of...He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will away how weird it all felt, being pumped full of Craig’s seed that had been brewing in his fat balls this past— _Too much_. “Stop! Hammer time! HAMMER TIME!” He felt more cum trickle down his thighs as Craig pulled out. It leaked out his hole, wetting the cloth seats.

“I gave you a warning.” Craig rubbed Tweek, sympathetically. “You okay?”

“Gah! I just...I just got Sunny D—ed!”

“Why? Why’d you have to put it like that?”

“You’re the...the...Sun God and you…” Tweek tried to move, his limbs were jelly, eyes half-lidded, and his seat wet from jizz. He was a sloppy, sweaty, sated mess. “This sucks.”

“I’m not the one who made a bad orange juice pun.” Craig blinked, trying to gather his thoughts.

“I have to sit here like this for how many more hours?” Tweek struggled to catch his breath.

“We could consider going to my parents. They’re on vacation but I’m sure we could wash off and hide out there until we figure out where to go.” Craig said. “We did pack extra clothes.”

“What about the seat?”

“We could stop at Walmart and buy a seat cover. We could also check out getting a little seat for Stripe.”

Tweek laughed, to push down the overwhelming urge to cry. This was definitely his Craig. New and improved, with a mystery in his eyes that he could not resist. “I’m sorry.” He wheezed. “For ngh...slitting your wrist.”

“Honestly, if you didn’t cut me, I’d have to wonder if you were my Tweek.” Craig smiled. “You’re very scrappy.”

“One of us has to be ready.” Tweek said. “Especially if the government is after you.” He didn’t want to lose Craig again, or experience that feeling of emptiness.

“I am not a very vengeful God.” Craig said. “I really want everyone to leave me alone, so we can be boring together.”

“That sound nice...ngh...normal.” Tweek paused, taking everything into consideration. “Well close to normal. Please don’t blink, or watch where you point those things at.”

“I’ll be sooo careful.” Craig nodded.

Tweek was going to tell Craig that nodding his head was not being careful. But the blue light caught a sparkle on his ring—a diffuse reflection spread across the roof of the car. It was so beautiful and so dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might or might not have written this whole book for that Sunny D pun. THANKS FOR READING! THANKS FOR THE KUDOS! This story will take a short break while I write the ending chapters. Be safe you beautiful people!~Mel


	6. Be careful what you do...because a lie becomes the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick recap.  
> Ch1,  
> Tweek: Yo Kenny sucks.  
> Craig: Alright...I guess.
> 
> Ch2,  
> Tweek: U got a job? (0wo)  
> Craig: Yeah...I guess.
> 
> Ch3,  
> Tweek: Even if u go blind, I still love u.  
> Craig: Cool...I guess.
> 
> Ch4,  
> Tweek: WHO THE F-  
> *Craig Tucker has left the chat*
> 
> Ch5,  
> *??? has joined the chat*  
> Tweek: AMBSAHAHAHNSAJIOJANDJKCGTYFASGKAOPJDHBYU! ARAAGAAAAAAAHH!!!!

_**Tweek** _

The water glided over his skin, washing away all the dirt and salt. A constant gurgling sound from the drain guided Tweek’s focus. He pressed against the cool tiles in the shower. He felt so damn sore it was almost unbearable. His hands moved to guide the wash cloth over his tender parts, bubbles sticking, soap tightening.

He lifted his face to let the shower head spray his hair.

“I can wash your back if you want.”

Tweek pushed his wet bangs from his eyes to see Craig’s stoic expression. He had almost forgotten Craig was in here with him. He’d been so quiet.

For so long it had just been the sound of water pattering against their skin; the drain.

Craig squeezed out his wash rag and shook out his wet hair.

Tweek slammed his eyes shut. “Craig! Gah! You’re not a dog!”

“You’re not one either. Mr. I only take showers once every three weeks.”

“Okay, but that water bill was cheap as heck.”

Craig rested his arms on Tweek’s shoulders, slouching a bit. Tweek smelled Axe body wash. His shaky hands drifted to feel Craig’s skin, still wet and soft. Craig curled into his touch.

“How can your parents even afford a nice place like this every night?” Tweek asked.

They had arrived at Craig’s parents’ vacation home near the early hours of the morning. Craig’s father—Thomas—opened the door, and to say he was shocked to see them was an understatement. But they were welcomed inside and given a room to stay in.

“It’s not a rental.” Craig said, quietly. “It’s my Grandma’s house. I can barely recall...she died two years ago? She left the house to my parents.” He sighed against Tweek’s neck, his arms pulling him closer.

“Sorry.” Tweek remembered clearly how distressed Craig was when his Grandma died. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay.” Craig sounded like he was struggling to clear his throat. “I need to talk about it. It might help me, remember more things.” He lowered his voice to barely a whisper, “I haven’t stayed in this house since she passed. I didn’t even come in when they were cleaning her old stuff out...”

Tweek kissed Craig’s arm. It was the closest piece of body he could reach at the moment.

“She’d send me so much money during college. She was so damn proud of me. And when she died...I couldn’t even bring myself to do anything. I dropped out and ruined everything. I made people give up on me. She was the glue holding it all together.”

The water seemed to be evaporating more quickly—steam rose from Craig’s body as the bathroom increased in temperature.

“Craig, you’re ngh...heating things up again.” Tweek said.

“Sorry.” Craig released Tweek from his hold. He re-soaked his washcloth and scrubbed Tweek’s back. “These feelings, memories...they do not satisfy me. It makes me...up...upset? A lot of things make me feel this way.”

“Mmmh.” Tweek felt the soapy rag run up and down his spine. It seemed to dab at the scratch marks and a warm kiss met the worst of them.

“Like how, I’m a wanted criminal.” Craig pulled the rag away, replacing it with a hand. “A dangerous one.”

“Don’t be upset about that. Remember, I like dirty men.”

Craig thumbed at Tweek’s hand as if to calm him. His fingers ran over some unwashed residue from sticky band-aids, most of them were half-way off, some completely. The drain gurgled again.

“Your band-aids came off. Do you want new ones?” Craig asked.

“Not really.” Tweek hummed. “They’ve healed enough.” He looked at his hand interlocked with Craig’s. “Have you?”

“You saw the—“

“I mean mentally. You keep saying strange things.”

Craig’s lips didn’t move but his actions were noticeably more soft. He rubbed his nose against Tweek’s neck. A single finger twisted in his blond hair. His blue eyes were closed shut as if he was just taking in the sensation of being around his lover.

“It’s not like I expected some sort of reaction, but I feel like you’re running away from it.” Tweek whispered. He kept his head low, watching the water dance off his body. A bunch of suds rolled into the drain, forming a little whirlpool.

“I can’t run from my own skin.” Craig said.

“Then what are we doing here?” Tweek felt his fingers start to fidget. He let go of Craig’s hand, to wring out his washcloth.

“You wanted to shower. We showered.” Craig said.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Tweek turned the water off.

Craig fluttered his eyes open, looking at Tweek almost quizzically. He pushed open the glass door, grabbing a towel from the rack. Tweek felt softness waddling him. He smiled a bit, as Craig went to work drying him off.

“Don’t get naggy at me.” Craig patted around the cuts and bruises.

“I’m not.” Tweek felt Craig rubbing the towel up and down his arms. “I have a lot to take in. I don’t know how you’re chilling like this is no big—gah— deal.” He took the towel from Craig, moving it to try and stop the water from his hair dripping into his eyes.

Craig let out a little whine.

Tweek jerked up. He caught sight of Craig with one hand on the towel rack and the other on his head. “Careful.” He stepped out of the shower to help steady him.

The towel rack clattered to the floor and Tweek caught Craig.

“I lost my balance.” Craig said.

“Let me help you.” Tweek pulled off his towel and wrapped it around Craig.

“Aren’t you still sore?”

“No,” Tweek lied. He didn’t want Craig to worry. He hugged the towel tighter around him. He walked him over to their clothes resting near the sink.

The bathroom was beautiful, nicely decorated tile floors and a large mirror on the marble vanity. All the mist had fogged up the mirror stopping at the trim on top surrounding the bright bulbs. It almost made the pitiful sight of the ruined towel rack laying out on the floor seem out of place.

“One day...ngh...we’ll live like this.” Tweek mumbled to himself. “A nice large bathroom even for guests. We’ll never have to worry about money.”

Craig straightened up, letting Tweek help him dry off and get dressed. Craig helped Tweek properly button up his shirt. Tweek balled up their used towels, tossing them into the used clothes basket.

The door knob was still kind of warm because it was so hot. He turned and pushed, helping Craig make his way down the hall. The wooden floors creaked as they walked in tandem. He glanced over the glossy wood trim, allowing him to see the huge living room below. The TV was still on, despite the empty furniture and untouched coffee table.

“Watch your step.” Craig said. He prompted Tweek to lift his feet a bit higher as they stepped into the bedroom. “The threshold is a bit jagged. My grandma passed before it could get fixed.”

Tweek rested Craig on the bed. He walked over to fix the curtains blowing in the cool breeze.

“You’re limping.” Craig pulled open a drawer by the nightstand to pull out a pre-rolled joint. “You said you weren’t in pain.”

“It always happens when we...ngh...I’ll just be feeling it for a while.”

“You withheld information from me.”

“If it really was too much, I would have said so.”

Craig pointed at his half-way unpacked luggage.

Tweek stopped fiddling with the curtain. He reached in the netting to take out a lighter. “Really?”

“My parents are asleep, it doesn’t matter.”

Tweek circled the bed. “They were nice enough to let us hide out here and you’re—“

“Tweek, not now.” Craig spoke almost pathetically as if his voice was still hoarse from all the shouting last night. “I need my stress relief.”

“You always use weed to block out your negative feelings. Gah! It’s not fair! Smoking your pain away is not healthy!”

“Human.” Craig grumbled.

The house shook as if thunder or a little earthquake had occurred.

Tweek squeaked. “You were doing so good before.” He shyly offered Craig his lighter. “We were both faded that one time and...and I like not high Craig.” He lifted up the sheets, trying to fix up the disarray.

“Damn, I didn’t mean to scare ya, babe.” Craig lit the end of his joint. “My head just feels like someone is beating it with a spike filled bat.” He took a puff.

“I’m not scared.” Tweek croaked. He wasn’t. Surprised, a bit wary of Craig’s new abilities but not scared. “I trust you. You just have to work on controlling your powers.”

“I guess.”

“This is serious! Araagah! You can’t run around shooting lasers from your eyes at random.”

“I don’t have any plan to. Maybe we can…” Craig yawned, a cloud of smoke rising from his mouth. “Run to a cave in the Andes mountains and live there. We can grow potatoes and corn... maybe start our own farm.”

“The Andes mountains? Don’t you mean the Rocky mountains?” Tweek pointed outside to the beautiful mountaintops. “These are the Rocky. No good soil to grow anything over here.”

“We can use terrace farming.”

“What?”

“It when ya cut steps into the mountain.”

“You just took like three hits you cannot be high.” Tweek said.

“It’s a real thing. When it rains, instead of rain carrying away the soil nutrients and plants down the slope, they flow to the next terrace.”

“You learned about that in college?”

“No. I don’t remember where I learned that.” Craig took a long hit from his joint. “Where the information comes from doesn’t really matter, right? All that matters is it’s accuracy.”

“I can’t live without internet or phone service.” Tweek said.

“What if they track us using our phones? We might have to ditch them anyway.”

“No!” Tweek held his phone very close to his heart. It was the next important thing after Craig and Stripe. “I haven’t even said any goodbyes yet! I don’t wanna!”

“Calm down, Tweek. I said we might. If we go to the Andes mountains w—“

“Gah! You repeated Andes again! These are the Rocky! Rocky!”

Craig’s joint fell to the floor. He slammed his head into his hands. “No!” His eyes squeezed shut as his arms seemed to shake.

“Craig!” Tweek touched his shoulder. He shook him gently, he could see the inhuman glow of blue between the cracks of his fingers.

“Twe—Human, duck!”

Tweek dropped and covered his head. The sound of a beam filled his ears as an intense heat seemed to hover over his head. He peeked his eyes up in time to see a blue light hit the mountains, knocking rocks onto the interstate below.

“Holy shit!” Tweek shouted. That could have been his head.

A few cars tried to squeal to a stop. Another few crashed into the large chunk of rock, sparking up a fire. The nice mountain view from their window was now a mess.

“I was trying to be careful.” Craig covered his eyes. “That was an accident.”

“The joint!” Tweek said. The smell of weed mixed with the smell of burning carpet.

Craig blinked, zapping the joint on the floor to a pile of ash.

“Ngh…” Tweek looked from the ash pile to the car wreck outside, then back at the ash pile. “You should get a nap, Craig.”

Craig shifted from his position. He glanced up at Tweek, almost like a silent plead for help.

Tweek averted eye contact. Don’t feel guilty. Those laser eyes will fucking one shot kill. He reached into the nightstand drawer. “I brought your eye drops.” He closed it. “The lady said they’ll help with the discomfort, so let's try that.”

“Okay.”

The word almost broke Tweek’s heart. He had never heard Craig sound so sad, like he was broken and torn up inside. It made him wonder about how Craig felt in the seconds before his death and resurrection.

Craig moved back. Tweek crawled across the bed. He used one hand to tilt up Craig’s chin, and the other held the little eye drop bottle.

“Try not to blink or do anything that might trigger lasers.” Tweek tried to steady his trembling hand. He lowered the little bottle closer to Craig’s twitchy left eye.

“I’m trying.”

“Gah! Alright!”

“Wait! Wait!” Craig flinched.

Tweek stopped in mid-squeeze. He was just as panicked as Craig seemed to be. “What? Oh...ngh..Jesus! What is it?”

“Is it gonna feel funny?” Craig asked, softly.

“I don’t know. It’s supposed to help you. I guess it will be like pouring alcohol on a cut, it burns but it's doing good by disinfecting it.”

“Tweek!”

“Gah! I know a bad comparison.” Tweek squeezed the bottle, a few droplets missed and rolled down Craig’s cheek. “You just have to...ngh...shut up and take it. That’s all I can tell you.”

Craig let out a sound that was mix between a groan and a sob.

“I’ll make it quick. Quick, painless, and afterwards it will feel real good.” Tweek said.

“You promise?”

“Yes.”

Craig widened his eyes. Tweek finally steadied his trembling hand, two droplets in Craig’s left eye and two in his right.

“How’s that?” Tweek lowered the bottle.

“It makes my eyes tingly.” Craig said. He pushed Tweek back, blinking down at the floor mat as his eyes watered. “I think...I’ll just take that nap, you offered.”

Tweek slipped the eye drops back into the nightstand. “You can rest for as long as you need.”

Craig nodded slowly. He curled up as best he could and closed his eyes. “Honey?”

“Yes?” Tweek hummed.

“You...you won’t feed Stripe without me, right? We’re always supposed to do it together.” Craig’s voice sounded so small and soft. It didn’t fit him at all, much too caring.

“Of course, not.” Tweek leaned over, pressing a kiss on Craig’s head. He wanted to kiss all the pain away. He felt all the frustration and distress—if only he could dispose of such things with his chapped lips. “Stripe and I will be waiting for you. I think your parents have a coffee machine in the kitchen.”

“Hmm?”

“I’ll make a cup of coffee for your head. A nice hot cup always makes me feel better.”

Tweek watched Craig for a bit. Craig would roll back and forth, his head rested against the pillows, his lips would move as if mumbling something too soft spoken to be heard.

He felt a little breeze through the window. The curtains were still waving, as if getting his attention back to correcting them.

He pressed a kiss on Craig’s cheek. So hot. Craig was burning up. Maybe he should get a cold rag… But Craig didn’t seem to be sweating.

“I...ngh...have no idea how to take care of a God.” Tweek walked over to the window. He thought about Clyde’s words, _“Take good care of him, Tweek._ ” He closed the window, locking it shut. The curtains stopped moving, the fabric going still as Stripe appeared from under them.

Stripe pulled on a toy. He seemed happy to be roaming outside of his carrying cage.

“But I do know how to take care of my Craig.” Tweek smiled at Stripe scrambling over his feet.

His phone on the nightstand vibrated. He unplugged his phone to see a boatload of missed calls and new messages: **Birth giver (15), Rich gettin richer (45), Dungeon Master (3)**. He figured it made sense his parents were blowing up his phone. He tapped on the 45 messages sent from his dad, each and every message more pissed off than the last until there was a long rant about the consequences of missing work. His mom had a few sweet messages but they had the same harsh reality reflected by his dad.

He sighed. How would he explain this to his parents? Should he explain? He was supposed to be on the run from the government.

He clicked on the message thread from Nichole, it was a continuation of the D&D discussion they were having. He typed...

**Tweek: I got dicked down by a God.**

He hit send; automatically Read 10:25am appeared.

**Nichole: No. That doesn’t boost ur character level but I’ll let u get stat boost in faith.**

Welp...She still thought it was part of the game. The soreness Tweek felt reminded him that last night was real.

**Tweek: Anything happened last night?**

**Nichole: Not really. Red came over and crashed on my parent’s couch.**

**Tweek: U see the news?**

**Nichole: I was bustin my ass trying to write that paper.**

**Tweek: No news?**

**Nichole: I turned on the tv same ol same ol.**

That was strange. The FBI raid didn’t make the news. Did that mean tracking down Craig was some top secret operation?

**Nichole: R u okay?**

**Tweek: Ye. Just wondering.**

**Nichole: Ur parents blew up my phone when u weren’t at work. I told them u were probably just tired.**

**Tweek: Ty**

**Nichole: U r going to work tho?**

**Tweek: I’m going to quit and move to the Rocky mountains with Craig.**

**Nichole: how r u gonna afford to live there without a job? I heard cabin houses are expensive.**

**Tweek: IDK**

The screen changed to Dungeon master is typing…

**Tweek: We have to find a way. We can’t go back.**

**Nichole: U better tell ur parents!!**

**Tweek: Craig wants us to be farmers.**

**Nichole: WTF?**

**Tweek: that was my reaction.**

**Nichole: Y would Craig say that? Is everything alright? It’s weird for ppl to suddenly up and move. Do u need help with furniture?**

Oh. Tweek felt dumb for not considering that would be Nichole’s reaction. She was too nice not to be concerned. Still it felt nice to talk with someone about this.

**Tweek: I guess, we’re fine. I’m kinda worried...abt Craig.**

**Nichole: DOES HE HAVE COVID? U KNOW HE HANGS OUT WITH KENNY! KENNY IS THE TYPE OF PERSON TO BE LIKE COVID ISN'T REAL.**

**Tweek: u right abt Ken. but it's not Covid.**

**Nichole: Thank God!**

Tweek blinked rapidly. He reread the message twice. Welp, that made things easier.

**Tweek: How u know Craig was a God?**

**Nichole: ????**

Tweek suddenly felt stupid. She probably meant ‘ _thank god’_ not like _‘Craig is a God_.’ WELP. He just fucked up.

**Nichole: Ur location on Snapchat says ur like 4 hours away? I’m coming over.**

**Tweek: W8**

**Nichole: I don’t know if ur high...but Red and I are coming.**

Not Red! Tweek felt ready to scream. Red would definitely turn around and turn Craig in for the million dollar reward. He shakily began typing...

**Tweek: u know it might be covid! He might have it!**

**Nichole: Okay we’ll come, bring over chicken soup and stay 6ft away.**

**Tweek: DONT U HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DO?**

**Nichole: Everyone is worried. I have to check on u at least for the sake of ur parents.**

**Tweek: Okay. But...I have to tell u something. U can’t tell Red.**

* * *

_**Craig** _

About 48 hours ago, Craig died in that apartment. He died in the arms of the man who he loved the most. His heart had stopped beating, his life had started drifting away—then suddenly it wasn’t. New ideas. More knowledge than he could even imagine filled his head. He was hyper aware of the world, from each ant crawling across the ground to each plankton dragged by the ocean’s current. It was like everything the sun touched—he could feel, their energy, their life force, their happiness, their joy. Grass, flowers, all the plants had feelings! A rush of adrenaline, even better than the high he got smoking, filled him.

His purpose? Something was guiding him. Information about the past, where he lived, but he hadn’t lived; a life that he played a part in.

How could he forget what he was?

“Tweek.” Craig stirred awake. He wiped his eyes, trying to draw himself back into reality. He rolled over to see the bedroom was empty.

Sunshine leaked in through the curtains. The bed sheets were neatly pulled around him. His mouth watered to the smell of fresh baked goods.

A few voices seemed to be coming from downstairs. He frowned and felt the house start to shake. What was Tweek doing?

“Gah! I almost dropped the muffins.”

“There goes that earthquake again. It happened earlier today, too. I hope there won’t be a rock slide.”

A persistent squealing sound came from beside him.

Craig pushed the sheets to the side. He sat up to see Stripe trembling in his cage.

“Stripe, I’m sorry.” Craig stepped over the three suitcases—one for him, Tweek, and Stripe. He knelt next to Stripe’s carrying cage and opened it up to take him out. “Daddy’s real sorry.”

Stripe paused his panic, lifting his head to try and figure out if the danger had really subsided. He stopped squealing, a cautious step was made towards Craig’s hand.

His thumb moved on instinct running over the top of Stripe’s head to feel behind his fluffy ears.

Stripe let out a little whimper.

Craig pulled his hand back. He didn’t want to accidentally squish Stripe’s head like a grape. It was weird. Learning how to control his Godly powers was like learning how to ride a bike again, knowing how it’s done but not knowing how to execute it. He figured his Godly touched had been numbed a long time ago. Or maybe he had been too weak when he was younger for his powers to fully manifest?

He closed the top of Stripe’s cage. It was hard to tune everything out, so much was going on around him, too much information for him to process at once.

“Tweek, honey… I need some, uhh, coffee?” Craig managed to choke out.

Tweek pushed open the room door. “Had a nice nap?” He walked over to the bedside.

“Nice...is not the word choice I would have gone with.” Craig couldn’t help but notice the baking apron and oven mitts on his hands. “What do you have going on?”

“I made blueberry muffins.” Tweek tucked his hands behind his back as if the silly designs on the oven mitts were embarrassing. “Your parents only had the pre-made K-cup coffee, so I used that n...ngh…caramel creamer. How’s your head?”

“I think my head hurts a bit less. I’m not ready to blow up the world anymore.”

“Gah! You’re joking, right?”

“No.”

“Please, don’t blow up the world.” Tweek turned to leave the room.

Craig grabbed him. “Up you go.” He threw Tweek over his shoulder.

“Gah! Put me down!” Tweek squirmed. “I feel like all my blood is rushing to my head!”

“Your limp is troublesome. I shall carry you until it gets better.” Craig said.

“I swear I will rip this hat off your head!” Tweek tugged on the blue hat.

Craig laughed, he tilted his head to the side, as Tweek’s weight shifted. He felt playful hands pulling on his hat. He spun around in circles, trying to throw off Tweek’s aim, but he kinda threw off his own. He staggered a bit.

“Aack! That’s what you get! That’s what you get!” Tweek sounded like he was grinning ear to ear.

“Nah. You’re not doing anything with those oven mitts.”

“I take those words as your memories with the others aren’t fully back yet.”

“This house sparks them. I think it was wise to have us come here. My most vivid one is my first awakening. Kenny and Stan are dicks for dragging me around Peru.”

“Hah!”

“They conned me out of a hundred dollars.” Craig walked down the stairs, the smell of muffins getting stronger as he neared the kitchen. He could see his mom sitting on the couch watching tv. His eyes scanned over the fireplace mantel. There were scented candles, the holy cross, pictures of the family and a box with his Grandma’s picture behind it.

His Grandma gave him that hundred dollars for his birthday.

Craig placed Tweek back on the floor.

“You’re awake!” Laura stood up, greeting him with open arms. “I’m sorry I missed you coming in last night.”

Craig awkwardly hugged her back. He couldn’t remember the last time he hugged his mom. How many years had it been? Probably the same amount of time he’d stopped coming into this house.

“I’m relieved that you made it.” Laura pulled back, a smile resting on her glossed lips. “I prayed that they wouldn’t take you away from me. I needed to be the one to end everything myself.”

Craig couldn’t help but feel like the happiness in her voice was fake. He felt her squeeze his shoulders as if admiring how much he’d grown.

“Tweek, made muffins from scratch. They’re delicious.” Laura motioned to the muffin on her saucer. “Oh but, you probably already know how good they taste.” She looked at Tweek. “I’ll never know how Craig got lucky enough to stay with you.”

“Mom.” Craig said. “Don’t be embarrassing.”

Tweek laughed, pulling off the oven mitts. He went over to the kitchen. Neatly, he took off the apron and folded it up.

Craig lingered in the living room. There was something nostalgic about the space. How on that same old couch, his Grandma gave him a birthday card containing one hundred dollars. He’d been so happy. Happiness—a feeling he remembered so well. He had bragged to everyone at school, so proud of his little bit of green in his pocket.

“Don’t bother waiting for your father. He went out to look for Tricia.” Laura said.

“I wasn’t. I was thinking about Grandma.” Craig stared at her picture. The picture of her and him together, probably still laid in a broken frame in his and Tweek’s apartment.

Laura sat back down on the couch as if she failed to realize the significance of the moment. “I thought you’d be over this. You brought her up so angrily last time.”

Over this?

“I know you were her favorite grandchild.” Laura placed her cup back down. She seemed to blink back tears. “She always enjoyed your company Craig. In her last moments on the ventilator...she...she...kept talking about Inti.”

Craig felt his eyes widen. The words of, “ _You betrayed your people!”_ Echoed and made his head throb. Ugh...his people? Followers? Those who still believed and depended on him.

“She left you stuff. Now that you’re here, you can finally pick it up.” Laura used her finger tips to wipe away tears.

Guilt weighed down on Craig’s heart. He didn’t know if he could accept any of it. What if he got conned out of it? He looked at his Grandma’s picture, the expensive frame had the words ‘ _Loved by many’_ engraved into it.

“Let me show you.” Laura stood up, walking over to the main floor master bedroom.

“I should—” Craig turned to Tweek in the kitchen.

“I can wait. Your coffee will just need to be reheated.” Tweek drank his coffee. That was probably the only thing he’d been waiting for all day, the sweet caffeinated substance to fill him up.

Craig shuffled behind his mother. His upbringing was Catholic, growing his parents didn’t practice their faith weekly, but it always lurked in the background. He learned to ignore it—that was probably one of the reasons of discord between them—but eventually, it was dropped at a time between when Craig was coming to terms with his sexuality. But had recently come up again after the passing of his grandma. Apparently, his mother was back praying everyday.

Laura opened the bedroom door. The room was more organized than their own upstairs, the suitcases were hidden, all their clothes must have been nicely tucked away in the dresser. The large king size bed was neatly fixed up. Everything down to the colors of the pillows and sheets matched with the cabin feel of the house.

She knelt down, her long dress wrinkled against the polished wood. She reached under the bed to pull out a box labeled: **Craig.** The handwriting was unmistakably his grandma’s. “Here you go.” She blew off some dust.

The old box had many bent ends, the top flaps all folded in on each other, seemed to have been untouched for long. There was noticeably no duct tape or packing tape to hold the contents from falling out and a little bit of scissor marks clipped the sides.

Laura placed the box on the bed. It didn’t seem to be very heavy, based on the ease she lifted it up with. Craig began unpacking the box. There was nothing special in his eyes, but his mother seemed to be raving over it. She pointed at little nick-knacks, asking, “Do you remember this?” No. He did not. None of it seemed to ring any bells.

Laura pulled out more elaborate things. Most noticeably a blue opal necklace with a broken clasp. “Surely, you remember this. Your grandma used to wear it all the time. Her Peruvian blue opals. They were her most prized possession.”

“Why would she give me a necklace?” Craig asked. “And all this gold jewelry. I don’t wear any of this.”

Laura looked almost broken-hearted for a few seconds. “First you take my son,” She lifted up an old picture: a crying newborn baby with blue eyes and red hair. She held the picture close to her heart. “You take away Craig.” She cradled it as the child was still in her arms now. “Then you take my mother, and now my daughter,” Her voice cracked as if on the verge of tears. “IS THERE NOTHING YOU WON’T TAKE FROM ME?”

“Mom...I’m right here?” Craig let his hand drop for a moment, his hat almost slipping off. He leaned forward trying to recall any more information. He’d never seen that baby picture before. Why had his grandma been hiding it in this box?

“That glow.” Laura’s anger seemed to dissipate, her shoulders slumped. “So close. How can you be so close and so far from my grasp?” She hummed the same spiritual he heard when they FaceTimed, as if trying to coax out another reaction.

“You’re not making sense.” Craig pushed his mother back. “Refrain from showing me feigned affection.”

A beep was heard, signalling someone had entered through the front door. Then the sound of voices chatting among each other.

“But I prayed. I prayed so hard. I was so eager when you called me. I thought for sure...you’d...you’d be...” Laura rubbed the cold chain of opals in her palm. “Instead all I’m left with is my own folly.”

Craig had grown too cold for such pitiful words to cause strain upon his heart. This was the same woman who brought him into this world. What right did she have to be sad? She claimed to have raised him. She should know, he didn’t like wearing gold chains or studs.

Laura made a fist around the necklace as if ready to strike them across his face. Her tone grew more upset, as she mumbled some inaudible words.

“Mom! Don’t do anything rash.”

“Tricia?” Laura relaxed her angry stance, placing the opals back in the box. “Thomas you found her!” She ditched the box by the bed, to see Tricia.

“Craig.” Thomas said. “I told you not to irritate your mother. She’s already stressed out about Tricia being rebellious.”

“I am not!” Tricia said. She seemed to be keeping her attention on Craig. “If I could just explain.”

“You’re in so much trouble young lady!” Laura scolded her. “You run off, then Craig doesn’t care about grandma! How did I raise such foolish children?”

Craig picked up the box. “Just because I don’t show it doesn’t mean I’m not hurting just as much as everyone else in this family.” It only made things worse knowing, he might have been able to save her. “We all loved Grandma.” He exited the room.

The door closed behind him. His ears were barely able to make out a hair raising conversation.

“Either he remembers or not. We’ve been planning too long to pass up this opportunity. The government almost already ruined it for us.” Thomas said.

“If he’d just let go, it would be so much easier. I don’t know if I can…”

“Mom! Dad! Please, don’t do this. I formed a team...a plan!”

Craig dropped the box beside the table.

Tweek stole a look. “Are you sure this isn’t the box for Tricia?”

“Muy gracioso.” Craig sat down, crossing his arms. “According to everyone else, these items should hold value to me. Any one catch your ojos?”

“You gotta stop speaking spanglish, it makes no sense to me.” Tweek munched on his muffin.

“It happens accidentally.” Craig cleared his throat. “I was asking if any items caught your eyes.”

“Nope.”

“How strange. Perhaps my grandma left these riches as an offering of some sort.” Craig drank some of his coffee. 

Tweek cringed at the sight as if Craig was committing the most horrible thing known to this earth.

“Fix your face.” Craig commanded.

Tweek complied, his voice dipping to a whisper. “Why would your grandma do that unless she knew about you being a God?”

“Not a clue.” Craig put down his cup. “I don’t know if that really matters.” His grandma had always been nice. He wondered what she would think of him now, selling drugs... Would she be proud of him choosing to never “invest” his money? The stock market, money markets, they all made him think about when Stan made him “invest” in the Peruvian flute band. It was all a con.

If he ever saw those four lowdown humans again, he wouldn’t hesitate to…

The doorbell rang.

“Who’s that?” One of his parents shouted.

“It’s just...ngh...Nichole and Red.” Tweek said. “They came to visit.” He stood up, going to answer the door.

“Red?” Laura sounded shocked. “Oh my niece. She’s here...I—“ She stepped out of the room. She began fixing up the living room as if a tornado had flown around the place. “Don’t let them in, Tweek. Can y’all talk outside, while I get this place together?”

“The face masks.” Tweek stopped himself before opening the door. “I think they’re upstairs.”

“I’ll get them.” Craig jumped up. The tension between him and his mother hadn’t fully dissolved yet; the last thing he needed was more stress.

“Okay.” Tweek said. He raised his voice a little louder as if trying to communicate with his friends outside. “WE’LL BE OUT SOON. WAIT A MINUTE!”

Craig grabbed the box and ran upstairs. He felt an overwhelming urge to protect the things his Grandma gave him. Maybe he’d put all the jewelry up for sale, as her last gift of cash from the grave.

“Guard it well.” Craig placed the box near Stripe.

Stripe wiggled his nose as if curious about the contents inside.

“Trust me. If all this is real gold and opals, it will be worth way more than one hundred dollars. Tweek and I might be able to get you that sibling we talked about.”

He found the masks and headed back down stairs. Laura was still tidying up, so he easily sneaked past her without a word. He saw Tweek still yelling at the top of his lungs to communicate with everyone outside.

“Craig, are you doing alright?” Red asked.

“Tweek, what is she…?” Craig could barely make out the sight of Red and Nichole standing about 6ft away from the front door.

“I know what you think it is, but it’s not.” Tweek lowered his voice. “They came here because they were worried.”

“You told them?” Craig felt pressure return to his eye sockets. No. No. He had to get unstressed again. It felt like his eyes were gonna pop out his skull.

Tweek raised his voice a bit louder, “Yes! You need to tell! That stuff kills people. We all need to keep on social distancing. For the sake of saving lives.”

“Yeah!” Nichole agreed. “Humanity needs a hero, right now. We should all really be praying to God.”

Craig got the feeling Tweek and Nichole were yelling back some subliminal message or something.

“Poor cousin, I brought you some soup.” Red held up a bag. “There is some other good stuff in there too.”

“Cool. Drop the bag outside the door.” Tweek shouted. “We’ll be out soon with masks.”

“What’s happening?” Craig asked. He needed to know before he blasted this whole entire house to rubble.

“Nichole and Red brought some stuff over for you.”

“How’d they find us?”

“Maybe I didn’t turn off my Snapchat location?”

Craig resisted letting his eyes flicker. He thought it was weird they’d drive all the way out here because of that, but the reason they were here didn’t matter. They were here. That was the problem. He felt Tweek’s hand press on top of his forehead.

“Pretend to be sick?” Tweek asked.

“I normally don’t condone lies. But for you…I’ll see what I can do.” Craig said.

Tweek removed his hand, turning to the sound of Red knocking on the door and placing the bag down. Craig put his face mask on. Then handed Tweek his to wear.

Tweek opened the door, grabbing the bag. “Here. She got medication for headaches.” He left the door half-way cracked and dug around to pull out a bottle of pills.

“Seems better than the eye drops.” Craig watched his mom from the corner of his eyes. “Let’s greet them probably.”

“Tweek.” Nichole pointed to Red heading to her car. “We brought snacks, ya want anything?”

“KitKat?” Tweek stepped outside the house. He closed the door behind him.

The driveway was long. There were a few flowers around the entrance. His grandma wanted to keep a garden but nothing really stayed alive, beside the grass and large tree in front of the house.

Craig pushed the gates to the side, walking the stone trail to the backyard. It was just the same as he remembered, squeaky hinges, cracked statues, and the view overlooking the interstate.

“This is the same view from our room window.” Tweek observed. “Hey...ngh...they cleaned up the car wreck.”

“My grandma said this view is what made her day. Watching the sun over the mountains.” Craig pointed at the sun high in the sky. He could feel the heat across his skin, it’s rays beaming down on the mountains, casting a large shadow.

“It is beautiful.” Tweek whispered, against Craig’s shoulder.

“What’s with your grandma and her statues?” Nichole asked. She poked at one of them, like it belonged in a museum instead of a weed infested backyard.

“She liked to collect replications of Mesoamerican art.” Craig pointed at one.

“They’re kinda creepy looking.” Nichole picked a metal mask, it seemed to depict the sun. She held it up to her face and tapped Tweek’s shoulder. “What do you think?”

“GAAAAH!” Tweek sounded like he almost jumped out of his damn skin. “Nichole that’s not funny!”

“Heh, that one is not Mesoamerican. It’s Ican.” Craig recognized the design. It made a part of his brain recall similarities to another time, when humans depicted him in the form of art. “Most Ican art is metalwork, ceramics, that sort of stuff. It was done to honor the Gods.”

“I had no idea!” Nichole placed the mask back down.

Craig watched her reaction carefully. She seemed to be keeping her hands glued to her side as she tip-toed forward. “It’s not authentic. No harm done.” He gestured to the lot of cheap relics, some of them covered by weeds, others had ant piles forming at the base.

“Oh, it's okay. Nichole knows.” Tweek said.

“YOU TOLD HER?”

“I had to.” Tweek said. “I wanted to know if we are wanted men! Ngh...and I have to deal with parents being mad at me for missing work.”

“YOUR PARENTS KNOW?”

“No, I told them the same lie I told Red.”

“Considering how you two didn’t make local or national news, the government must be trying to keep Inti’s existence under wraps.” Nichole took out her phone as if about to Google something, but stopped. “I guess it makes sense. People might panic if they knew.”

“Why do you assume that?” Craig gestured around. He really couldn't make it any clearer he was running away. “I’m the victim, here. The government wants to ruin my nice boring life.”

“Don’t you want answers?” Nichole asked.

Craig was getting answers. Answers that scared him more than the questions did. They were slowly sinking into his head, as if he had a telepathic connection to the universe. He turned to Tweek, deciding he could make the call.

“I do.” Tweek said. “But it’s a rather selfish reason, that I deserve to know.” He brought a hand to his heart. “I thought for sure I knew everything about my Craig. I always believed to know you better than you know yourself.” He trembled as if frazzled. “Yesterday, changed all of that.”

“Tweek…”

“How could I miss something so important?”

“I never told you.” Craig said. “If anyone should have guessed it would have been Kenny. And...he did but not by himself.”

“Kenny knew before I did!” Tweek shouted.

“Some guys tried to jump me because they knew I was the Sun God. Kenny found out and kept pressing me about it.” Craig grabbed Tweek’s hand, trying to reassure him that it was no big deal.

“There are more guys after you?” Tweek looked ready to tear his hair out.

“Not FBI or military. I’m actually starting to think they might be good guys.” Craig reflected back on that night. “They were trying to get some drugs to help sick children. One of them even bowed down and thanked me.”

“How do you feel?” Nichole asked.

“Relieved that Tweek’s words will no longer hurt my heart anymore.” Craig tried to ignore his headache. There were people who needed him? He was just a horny loser college drop out.

“I mean about being a God.” Nichole tilted her head to the side. “What type of God do you want to be?”

“My answer won’t change.” Craig had lived his whole life not really expecting much, so it wasn’t like something—being a God, should change very much.

“Gah!” Tweek squeezed his hand. ”Don’t be like that. I’m honored. But it’s not right. Some people could really use your help, Craig.”

“How am I gonna help them, by shooting lasers out my eyes?”

“That's how you saved the world last time.”

“It was an accident then and I can barely control my powers now. It happens on impulse when I’m—“

“Emotional?” Nichole chuckled. “Ya know for all these years, I thought you were just being a dick, turns out you’re just an uncover God trying to live a boring life.”

“I do quite like it.” Craig smiled at the two of them. “I’ll just have to learn to adapt.”

“I’m back.” Red returned with a handful of snacks. “Hey, Nichole, distance yourself.”

Nichole took a couple steps away. “I know. You get me some sour patch kids?”

Was that Red’s car? Those headlights, nice red coat of paint...It was too close to the one. The sound of glass cracking, filled his ears. That car looked so familiar!

“Craig, the house!” Tweek freaked motioning towards a window. There was a large crack with many little ones branching out in a spiraling direction.

“Yep.” Red let her take the candy. “But what was so important you had to gather around the covid hot spot for?”

“I’m not a covid hot spot. We were like 10 steps away and wearing masks.” Craig heard his own voice dip into a growl. This was all her fault? What did Red have against him? They were cousins...they were blood.

“I bet that’s what asymptomatic people say to their friends.” Red said. She pulled a KitKat from her jacket pocket. “This is for you, Tweek. Can you catch?”

“Yeah.” Tweek stepped a little closer, his foot hit the curb and hands went outwards, to catch the chocolate bar. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Red opened herself a bag of chips. “Now whats up? I took the whole day off for you sick losers.”

“What makes you think we’re sick?” Craig asked.

Tweek looked ready to make a break for it and back-flip off the mountain.

“Nichole told me that Tweek told her that you had covid. That’s why I thought you had both moved to the mountains to quarantine.” Red chewed loudly. “But now that I know that’s obviously a lie.” She pointed the salted flavored snack at him. “Anyone want to clue me in on what’s really happening?”

“We came to visit my parents.” Craig said.

“Another lie?”

“My parents are here. Why wouldn’t they be? It’s summer in Colorado.”

“I thought you and your parents weren’t on speaking terms. So it’s awfully weird you allow them to stay in your place.”

“Don’t you mean for me to stay at their place?”

“There was like a huge family fallout.” Red knocked on the exterior, then ran a palm over the structure. “My parents, ya know, your mom is my mom’s sister. They were pissed. Everyone wasted so much time and money was trying to discover who owned this sweet place. Only to find her house deed was in a box labeled for you.”

That was why the box looked pre-opened? But there was no deed! All that was left in there was…

“Why do you think the family cut you off? Especially after you had the audacity to drop out of college! You’ve been labeled as a lucky jackass.” Red paused, as if to see any change in Craig’s expression. “Well I suppose nobody called you that to your face. But they all whispered about it.”

“This...ngh...this house is ours?” Tweek seemed to be in a state of shock. “An already paid off house? With four bedrooms, three bathrooms and...and… No more worrying about paying rent?”

“All this time, I thought y’all just stayed in South Park because Tweek worked at his parents coffee shop.” Red rolled her eyes. “How stupid do you have to be to get conned out of your own house? You have the keys, right? The deed?”

Conned.

Craig let the word sink in. He was conned. Once again played as a sucker. He put his trust in his parents! He dropped out of school to save them from debt funding his education. He trusted them to find him a job. He wanted to do nothing but protect them.

“How dare they!” Tweek shouted. “They went behind our backs!” He turned to Craig. “You can’t let them get away with this! After everything...gah..the nerve!”

Craig felt the ground beneath his feet tremble to his rage. His parents didn’t cut him off for being a failure! They cut him off because they conned him!

“SNEAKY! DISGUSTING! We’ve been struggling for money.” Tweek sounded beyond mad. He was shaking Craig back and forth. “Your parents knew we were short on cash!”

Craig couldn’t believe this. He risked his life selling drugs just to keep a roof over Tweek’s head. How easy was it for them to go behind his back when he was in college?

“Humans should know better to fuck with a God. Don’t lowly ants know how easy they can squashed? That’s why they scramble and run frantically in the face of danger.” Craig thundered.

“That’s right, Crrgaaaah! LETS FUCK ‘EM UP!” Tweek stopped shaking him. “Tell’em this is your house and...and… they can’t have it.” He pushed him forward.

Craig charged forward, both hands clenched in a tight fist with his glowing eyes held high.

“I thought I was going crazy, when I saw lasers that night. Craig really is…”

“Red, wait!”

* * *

_**Tweek** _

“Red!” Nichole rushed over to her friend.

“That’s it. I’m calling for backup.” Red cussed. Her hands seemed to be slightly burned from contact with the lasers.

“Backup?” Tweek glanced around expecting more FBI and SWATT to jump out the bushes with guns blazing.

“Tweek, go inside and calm Craig!” Nichole shouted.

Tweek tried to stop from panicking. He darted his head back and forth. Craig! He had to get… He heard shouting coming from the house. All of a sudden the family fight spilled out into the backyard.

Tricia came out the back door pointing at her mom and dad. Craig came out shouting. It was a mix of, “You’re all making a big deal out of nothing! Nobody acts like they care, you’re all concerned about the wrong things!”

“Stupid child! That’s not your real brother Tricia!” Laura shouted.

“I know.” Tricia croaked. “But he’s all that I know.”

“Excuse me!” Nichole interrupted. “Red’s hand is burned pretty badly can someone drive her to the doctor?”

“Now you see Tricia. He’s an out of control monster.” Laura spoke as if she was protecting her daughter. “He’ll steal and kill any and everything in his way. I prayed for his return, because I must right the biggest wrong.”

“The only one wrong here is you! You got mad when she told you the truth.” Tricia threw up her middle finger. “You didn’t wear a mask!”

Tweek ran over to Craig’s side. Craig was mumbling something like, “Two faced ass wipes,” under his breath.

“Tricia, show your mom some respect.” Thomas said. “Laura, please we have company over.”

Laura threw up two fingers. “She doesn’t care. She gets it from Craig.”

Craig threw up his middle finger. “I don’t know what anyone is talking about. I don’t know what the fuck is going on right now. But I know this property is from my Grandma.”

Thomas threw up his middle finger. “Who told you that?”

“Red.” Tweek spoke up. He pointed at her, struggling to make a phone call. “She said this is Craig’s house. That makes it my...my house too! OUR HOUSE!” He noticed that Craig was getting overly emotional and looked ready to blow. He grabbed his shoulder, directing his sight towards the tool shed. Craig fired lasers and exploded the shed in a parade of fireworks. The wood went flying along with a few statues and imitation relics. BOOM! BOOM! Colorful blue, red, purple, green. He flipped Craig back around to face them. “Now leave or the next shot will be at your heads.”

“You believe her?” Thomas asked in a voice that seemed to hint Tweek was dumber than first assumed.

“Show us the deed. The title had to have been switched over to Craig’s name.” Tweek said.

“We don’t have to show you anything.” Thomas said.

“Gaaah! Then you’re lying. Craig, they’re still lying!”

“INSOLENCE!” Craig thundered. “How could you do this? Did you forget? We’re family! I’m your child! Have you no shame?”

“We let you live a good life, right? We raised you and kept you happy.” She raised up her hands. All that was left in the space that was the shed was an art piece on the rock: a picture of Craig under the sun, his blood dripping out to the sea of people below. “All for the sake of this moment.”

“To steal our house?” Tweek could feel himself nearing his breaking point. He was going to strangle...he was going to… He felt his body move, his legs pumping, his arm extending outwards in a mean right hook. His fist slammed into something.

“The other piece of the ancient proph—” Thomas gasped as Tweek’s hands went around his neck. He staggered a bit, thrashing to try and break free.

* * *

_**Craig** _

“Other piece?” Craig almost couldn’t…that was… He had seen the first one written in a cave in the Andes. But if this rock was mined out for it to be shipped here...that would mean at some point in time his grandma would have to have gone to—

“Let me explain! Everything! I’m going to explain everything. You see how fragile his mental state is right now.” Tricia said.

Tweek managed to knock the taller man down, Thomas’s foot hit a mini statue, causing him to slip. His phone cracked on impact of his body hitting the ground, the screen sensors must have gotten jacked up because an old voicemail started playing.

_“Hello, Thomas? I was trying to reach Laura, but I suppose you both are still helping Craig move into his new place with Tweek.”_

“Grandma?” Craig froze. He had forgotten the sound of her voice, the tenderness in her tone.

_“I have to get something off my chest. I’ve been having terrible dreams lately. Nightmares. They have been occurring ever since I attended their wedding. I know it would be wrong to rob Craig of his happiness, but I think it’s time—”_

“No!” Tricia struggled to grab the phone. She pressed rapidly on the screen as if trying to stop the message. “Not like this. He can’t learn like this!”

_“He’s different from the other children. Sure, his blue eyes seem to be a family trait but they actually house a Sun God, Inti. Craig’s power has almost reached full potential and I’d hate for him to accidentally hurt—”_

Tricia managed to hit something. The voice sputtered, speeding up, then slowing down, the message cut to another part.

_“I swapped him out. Remember, that vacation we took to Peru, all those years ago? You and Laura went out drinking and left Craig with me. I took a little walk with the baby and met a young mother. She was so kind and trusting. Now that I think of it, it was probably because she was—”_

“Off!” Tricia pressed down on the power button. “Shut up and turn off!” The message skipped around again.

_“Her baby looked so much like Craig aside from the hair. Neither of you noticed the difference, when I brought him back to the hotel wearing the same baby blue hat and outfit. You hugged him and loved him. It wasn’t until we boarded our flight back to America, Laura pulled off the hat and asked why Craig suddenly had black hair.”_

Craig didn’t know how but suddenly his hand was rummaging under his hat, feeling his tangled hair. He couldn’t see the color. But he knew the color! Tweek made fun of his uncombed black hair all the time. Black. A color different from the newborn's picture in that photo.

_“I said babies can change hair color, just like their skin color, after birth sometimes. Since you were both new parents you smiled and agreed. It wasn’t until Tricia was born, did you start to wonder why her hair color didn’t change. But Laura didn’t press me about it. For so many years, you have loved and raised Inti as your own son. I hope you will continue to love him.”_

Tricia threw the phone to the ground. She jumped up and down, grinding the circuits and plastic into the dirt.

“You cannot imagine my rage when your grandma came clean, I was pissed.” Laura said. “How could she do something like that? She swapped my baby boy out for...”

Swapped out for a failure.

He heard rocks crackings in the background and he could only assume it was because of him. His grandma? He thought she was just a sweet old lady. How could she...? A thousand ideas swarmed his brain.

“Craig, your name probably wasn’t even supposed to be Craig.” Nichole said. “ It might have been—“

“Don’t say it.” Red hissed. “Do you want to trigger a rock slide?”

“What about my boy…” Laura must have been thinking about the picture. “Would his favorite animal be guinea pigs? Would his favorite color be blue? Would he have dropped out of college?” She turned to a sobbing mess. “I’ll never know. I’ll never get the chance to learn.”

A few statues crumbled, the ground shook with enough force to knock the humans to their knees. He was so mad. Their tricky ways had deceived him, twice!

“Ngh...this is so fucked up.” Tweek let out a slur of incoherent sounds. “You’re Craig but...not...I mean, ngh...not like we knew you then? You’re...Craig to us?” he seemed to be struggling to put everything in the puzzle together. “We...we grew up with you as Craig.”

“My name isn’t Craig. It’s Inti.” The God thundered. Rocks fell around them. “But all my memories…”

“Lies!” Laura circled around them like a lion ready to pounce. “They’re all lies. All the feelings you thought you had aren’t real. Your feelings were all along for someone else. They fade away, don’t they? They fade away so fast.”

“You’re one in the same. You’re just as much Inti as you are Craig Tucker.” Tricia said.

“The same? Craig Tucker was nothing more than an alias I fell in love with Tweek with.” The God let out a maniacal chuckle. “Tucker...hah! Nothing more than last a name with whom I actually share nothing in common with!”

“We grew up together.” Tricia said. “Maybe we’re not bound by blo—”

“If that’s not Craig...THEN WHAT ABOUT OUR HOUSE?” Tweek was losing his shit now. “It’s NOOOOT FAIR!”

“Not fair? I’ll tell you what’s not fair, that bitch gave up on her shared blood for the sake of an ancient prophecy. A mother is supposed to protect her child and I let him get swapped out for an impostor!”

Impostor...the same word Tweek used when he first saw him. It cut deeper than any knife and hurt more than any fist to the face. This world was corrupted and filled with filthy con artists. He was one of them. He had been living a lie his whole life. Lying to everyone; lying to himself. The face he looked at in the mirror, was not the face of Craig Tucker.

“Filthy humans will pay! YOU MUST ALL PAY!” The God raised a hand to the sky, feeling the sun bend to his will.

“Inti?” The small voice sounded panicked and worried almost like Tweek.

The God really couldn’t tell. He was too focused on the look of terror on their weakling human faces. “Stay out of my way if you don’t want to end up a pile of ash.” He felt something brush his back, then the world flashed in an explosion bright enough to be a solar flare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, long update to make up for it. Thanks for reading! Have a good day!~Mel


	7. Is it wrong to help your best bro end the world?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sir, the line.”
> 
> “Yes, but I have to finish.”
> 
> “And I have to be fast and move the line.”
> 
> “Can I get…” The God didn’t see anything particularly appetizing. But if they were offering dead things here, what he desired was, “Cartman’s head served on a platter besides Stan’s extra crispy deep fried fingers. Then I want to rip out his spine, and tear out Kyle’s left eye and shove it down Kenny’s throat just to see how gutless he really is.”
> 
> “Umm, that’s not on the menu. But we have chicken nuggets, that’s the closest thing you’ll get to human parts.”

_**Sun God Je— Craig** _

Gods only appeared in the world when the humans they created needed their guidance.

Sometimes they arrived to rage war. Sometimes they arrived to bring about punishment. Sometimes they arrived to spread peace. Each appearance started with prayer—a cry of help, a plea for peace, or a simple “Lord give me strength.” Prayer was uplifted into the sky, exiting the Holy stream known as the Milky Way, until it reached the ears of the God who the message had been addressed. This cycle was never ending. One could not exist without the other, for each believer gave the God(s) power to exist. Humans served; Gods delivered based on their actions.

Often gruesomely, such as when a woman asked Pachacamac for food. The God impregnated her and she had a son. He killed the baby, and cut the corpse in pieces, that grew the various fruits and vegetables, bearing seeds to grow such plants around the world.

Least cruel of the Gods was Inti. Which was why the ruling Inca was the representative of him on Earth. It was believed that through this bloodline he would someday return through enough prayer.

Centuries passed, nations grew, the world expanded, all while stories spread.

The Internet and other forms of mass communication revived the lives of many weakened Gods. People could once again learn of the Gods time had forgotten. Not just verbally but online through pictures and art. Some of them joined previous believers in long forgotten prayers.

Their prayers never went unheard—just as God sent his son Jesus to earth, Viracocha sent his son Inti.

“Why do you still follow me, human?” The God turned his head. The rubble at his feet and the heavy smell of smoke in the air signaled it was past time for his departure from this town. Most of followers have long since scattered, the heat driving them back to their homes.

A short teenager with strawberry blonde hair, resting on her shoulders with loud dangling earrings, dropped to her knees. Her blue eyes looked tired and her balance seemed to be off as she appeared to rock back and forth. She bowed her head, her hands clapped in prayer. “Forgive me. When I found out what our parents wanted to do to you. I ran away in panic. I spent all my life raising and leading an online social media campaign to boost your power. I knew it would be needed in a moment like this…” She stopped rocking, her eyes glued to the cracks in the road. “It’s all wrong now.”

“Stand, Tricia.” The God said. “Speak your truth without fear.”

“My grandmother has done something irredeemable. But I ask you to spare the innocent lives who have nothing to do with this.”

“And if I reject do you plan to stop me?”

“No. I have to believe...Craig, no. I can’t keep calling you that.” Tricia cleared her throat. “Inti, controller of the sun.” She looked up at his glowing blue eyes. “Please, allow me to explain the confusion so that you can break free from your prophecy.”

“Break free?” The God walked forward, his hands shoved in his pockets and his head held high. “You dare to manipulate the works of the cosmos? That’s a new one.” He felt a small smile slip on his face. “Humans never fail to impress me.”

“It is because of actions taken by those above you long ago, that you suffer today. This is no fault of your own, you’re a product of your environment. No one can blame you for that.” Tricia followed behind him.

The God kept walking, his footsteps not slowing or quickening as the persistent stomp of shoes followed a few seconds behind his own. He figured the heat would tire her out soon. The heat knocked everyone off his trail eventually. No matter who followed him, the temperature of the earth’s surface was slowly heating to the temperatures of hell. He’d punish them. They’d fall like dominoes, toppling one to knock the other down, all from the blink of his eyes.

He walked a path paved in blood. Such was the way of the Gods who came before him and those who would proceed him. A bright path, that was empty, and ever so lonely—trust was a feeling that fled his conscious.

“This vessel betrays me. My knowledge descends back many centuries but in exchange for past memories, I must give up ones from the near present.” He placed his hand on a door handle. The familiar feel of why this place felt so warm had deserted his mind. “It’s frightening. How easy it is to forget.”

“You can learn it all again, love, trust, forgiveness.” Tricia said.

“Why learn meaningless concepts when you’re just going to get hurt all over again?” He asked.

* * *

There was something wrong about the house. The God couldn’t figure out why. He ran his fingers over the wooden trim on the balcony. Somehow the view of the slowly crumbling mountains, with the sun high overhead, didn’t sit right. It wasn’t his temple, but the house...felt so empty.

It was missing something?

He was missing something?

He stepped back inside, closing the door behind him. Tricia was making breakfast. She flipped a pancake over the stove, while one hot plate stacked full of blueberry goodness rested on the table.

Blueberry.

“Tweek.” The God said. “Stripe.” He tapped his fingers on the table. “I desire their presence.”

“My cooking not good enough for you?” Tricia peeked over her shoulder. “I know I’m no Tweek but I try. But I guess Tweek’s cooking is so good it’s easy to get spoiled, forget about lil ol’ me cooking from the box.”

The God noticed the box of pre-prepared pancake mix. He sat at the table and used a fork to pick at the pancakes. “Blueberries... I like them.”

“Yeah-huh. Just keep that in mind when eating ‘em. They’re not fresh.” Tricia picked up the box. “It says artificially flavored.”

Artificially flavored. Just like him. A simple chemical mixture that was supposed to mimic a natural flavor in some way—substitute. Nothing more than that.

“Why’d she do it?” He stabbed his pancakes.

“Grandma took that secret to her grave.” Tricia turned off the stove. She lifted the pan, turning to scrape out the burnt pancake.

“So dumb.” He poured syrup on his plate.

“Did you read all of the prophecy?”

“Would you?” He dragged a piece of pancake across the plate. The artificial blue color was smudged, creating a path of messy syrupy blueish lines.

Tricia looked like she was withholding a dry laugh. There was nothing funny about the question, it was deep and serious. But the only reaction she could give was probably a laugh, to give a small boost of reassurance that maybe everything would turn out okay.

“I used to believe sometimes life sucked and over time it got better.” He brought the pancake to his mouth and chewed. It tasted mostly like sugar and sweetener. There was no fresh burst of flavor, no juices spilling into his mouth. “Now I know it’s just another lie forced upon me.”

“How are you going to say that, when you don’t have all the facts yet?”

“I’m not foolish enough to ask liars to tell the truth.” He blinked rapidly. He hoped she couldn’t see the sadness in his eyes or hear the way his voice cracked. “If they have the misfortune of standing in my path again, I will not hesitate to rip the heart from their chests myself.”

“They raised you, they cl—“

“They lied to me! All my life, I thought something was wrong with me! I thought I was the problem that...that I was a useless failure.”

Tricia didn’t flinch like Tweek did when he got mad. She held up the frying pan, as if wanting him to aim his lasers to zap off the stuck pancake. “You don’t have to forgive now. You don’t have to forgive them anytime soon. But, when you were ten and got sent off to Peru, mom and dad were really worried about you. They even stood up for you and said you weren’t a bad example.”

“They didn’t know what I was then.” He frowned. “I didn’t know what I was.”

“Hmm...so before you knew you were Inti, you were my big brother.” Tricia said. “And before you were Inti, you were Stripe’s dad.” She smiled as if recalling a nice memory. “Stripe also loves blueberries.”

The God wished he could remember what made her so joyful. His mind was clouded with painful memories of hatred, war, and greed. If only he had some warm ones...maybe that would make this house feel less cold. No matter how much he heated the place up, it was still frigid with the looming knowledge of betrayal.

* * *

Cameras were an invention the God didn’t quite remember. All he could recall was bits and pieces such as pictures. Pictures came from cameras. They were a permanent freeze frame of a snapshot in time. Much like cave art was.

“Mmm…” The God sat back and watched the pictures dance across the tv screen. This was as the humans call it, a show. He was the star. Just as it should be—the sun was the brightest star in the sky. He felt his lips tug upwards, “Clyde, I request a status update.”

Clyde picked up an Ipad. “The military is sending in tanks to supposedly help escort more people out of town. They threatened to bomb this place.” He sat at one of the many tables in the makeshift temple.

The God wasn’t sure what made him gravitate to this place. Maybe it was something about the smell or the name? It had to be the name out front, _Tweek Bros Coffee_. The building was one of the few spared during his rampage. He couldn’t bring himself to destroy all the nice warmth in here.

“Oh, I checked Cash App, Token sent us some more funds. He sent an email: **Fuck up Cartman. I still have pains in the arm where he shot me.** Also I think he’s sending us some more supplies.” Clyde said.

“Token...he is my rich friend, correct?” The God patted his solid golden throne. This had also been a gift from Token.

“Yep.” Clyde walked over to him, tapping on the Ipad. “He has an internship at that hospital that you didn’t blow up.” He flashed Craig a graph. “It’s a shame he can’t come physically help us strategize. He’s been volunteering to do double shifts.”

“It is a pity.” The God closed his eyes. An anger filled his heart at the memory of the same event happening in the past. “But I have faced this before. It’s not the first time, my civilization has been on the brink of extinction due to guns and diseases.” He snapped his head up, opening his eyes to stare outside the stained glass window. “This time, we will not lose.”

“Heck yeah! And did I tell you about my hot date with Bebe? You da man, Craig...I...I mean, Inti!” Clyde laughed. “If I knew having an eye disease would give me this much power and influence!”

The God chuckled. What a simple minded human Clyde was. His hand reached out to rub the top of Clyde’s head. “Good boy.”

Humans liked those words. Well at least, Tweek liked it. So he had been using it on every human to satisfy them.

“You must go on many more dates now. For Tweek and I lack the ability to reproduce offspring, it will be up to you, Bebe, Token, Nichole, and a few others to repopulate this world. I think my very existence will bring it to ruin.” Craig lifted his hand.

“About that…” Clyde said.

“Yes?”

“I don’t really think some of the people who follow you are completely aware of this. I kinda think they just want you to bless them and change stuff, not completely rip the fabric of society starting with its seams.”

“Nor is it my wish for there to be more casualties than necessary, but the wicked cannot go unpunished.” The God turned to the front counter and his hand brushed against a dirty rag.

“Oh my bad, Craig.” A woman moved the rag away. “Did I get you?” She had her work apron on as if it was a normal regular routine day at the coffee shop.

“You’re fine.” The God didn’t know what it was about this woman. She reminded him a lot of Tweek. The only difference was her words were much more soft spoken.

“The honey buns are almost done. Oh, and if you would be so kind to start moving the coolers of water.”

The God stood up. “For my followers.” He once again looked at the tv screen, imagines of graffiti and destruction appeared on screen. “Are these not the people who have sworn their devotion to me? They’ll follow till the earth ends.”

“Well, I would. I’m your best bro. Ride or die bros forever, you and me, Craig!” Clyde knocked his hand against his forehead, the face mask on his face almost slipping off. “Ah, I mean...Inti! What’s with the sudden name change again? You’re just always gonna be Craig to me.”

The ground started to rumble, but similarity to Tricia, Clyde didn’t show any signs of fear.

“You just look like a Craig. I don’t know where Inti came from. Are you just going through some rocky relationship stuff with Tweek? You used to get all emo when you did that. Maybe a war isn’t the answer, you just need a bro party!” Clyde threw up his hands, like he was holding two bottles of alcohol. “We just need to hang out in the strip club. Get fucking drunk.”

“Clyde. Please don’t use such language. This is a family shop.” The woman scolded.

“Sorry, Mrs. Tweak.” Clyde ran over to start rolling out the coolers. He lifted up two handles one and each hand and headed for the exit. “I’ll make myself busy.”

“I knew she seemed familiar.” The God mumbled to himself. “Her heat signature is like Tweek’s.” He grabbed a cooler to follow Clyde outside.

“Heat signature?”

“Yes.”

“Bro, you can do so much cool shit now!” Clyde didn’t seem to be afraid of cussing now that they were outside.

Everything under the sun was God's domain, after all. His followers would never want or fear a single thing, long as they pledged their devotion to him.

“This bro, word. You seem rather fond of it?”

“Yeah, man, we’re bros! Homies!” Clyde slugged him in the arm. “Brothers from another mother, as Token would put it.”

“Amigos.” The God nodded. “And you are fine with this?”

Clyde pulled down his face mask to flash him a wide grin. “I ain’t got no friends, I got brothers I ain’t leaving!”

The God blinked.

“Well, I didn’t expect you to get the song reference.” Clyde pulled back up his mask. “You get the point, right? You, me, Token, Jimmy, we go way back and nobody can take those fun times away from us.”

“Someone did.” The God whispered lowly. It didn’t seem like there was any distance between them, no matter how far away he felt from Clyde. The human only saw Craig...only saw his bro.

* * *

The hospital that Token volunteered at was a big one. The ICU had many critical covid patients or so, The God had been told. Many people have seen him on tv and despite his raging critics, some have thrown themselves at his feet and begged for healing of their sick relative.

“Your body is special, because you’re a vessel for one of the strongest ancient Gods.” Tricia said. “Grandma dared to go even further to say not just your plasma but any of your bodily fluids can restore life.”

He looked at the needle draining his arm of the clear fluid. Perhaps this was why when Tweek cut him, he didn’t bleed red. His blood was mostly plasma, it made sense, he was a God of life and health.

“Plasma contains many antibodies and proteins that are used to provide life saving medications for people.” Butters was wearing his uniform for work here at the clinic. He pointed at the machine that was separating the red blood cells to only take the plasma.

The God had plenty of that to give. He didn’t understand why, but granting his followers wishes were important to him. There was a little stinging, and the stress relief ball in his hand helped, but petting Stripe would have been even better.

“Once that bag gets full if you’re up for it, you can donate some more.” Butters said.

A man ran into the small room. “Boss! I spotted some—” He paused at the sight of Inti. “Excuse my outburst.” He bowed. “There’s interesting things in the blood sample we took earlier. You might want to look at it.”

“I trust your expertise about Inti’s DNA sequence.” Tricia said.

“Boss?” The God clicked his tongue. “This guy, I remember him. One of the two drug dealers?” He nodded. “Yes, they were after Kenny and I.”

“Not drug dealers.” Tricia corrected, “The legal term is doctors, more so scientists. They know all about ancient remedies and your prophecy.”

“You sent them after me?”

“My plan didn’t go as I wanted. But long as this goal is achieved, it’s all that matters so grandma won’t be rolling in her grave. Some of your plasma will go to Token’s hospital, the other half will go back to Peru.” Tricia watched the bag slowly fill up with more of the liquid. “Does it hurt?”

“This is light work.” He looked out into the large hall, there were a bunch more seats and machines all packed together with people giving plasma.

One little girl bounced over to her mother, her hoodie fell off to reveal afro hair. She pointed at her mother's arm, as if asking about her band aid. Her mother picked her up and kissed her head, then carried her over to her grandma waiting near the exit, where they seemed to share a long awaited family hug.

“Yeah... It doesn’t hurt one bit.”

The phone in his jacket side pocket started vibrating. He motioned for Tricia to pull it out.

“It’s Clyde.” Tricia said, reading the caller ID.

“Oh.” He didn’t know why the name made him feel so empty. Clyde was a nice guy. Maybe a part of him was just hoping a call would come from…

“Answer it?” Tricia asked.

“Do whatever you wish.”

“What’s up, dude?” Clyde’s voice rang out on speaker phone. “I just got confirmation Token gets a lunch break soon...by soon I mean an hour.”

“Okay.” The God said.

“Okay? It’s better than okay! We can do a mini-bro party! Yo, I’m talking str-”

“You’re on speaker phone.” He warned.

Clyde cleared his throat. “It will be the most lit lunch break Token will ever take in his whole entire career.”

“Lit? We will be setting stuff on fire.”

“If ya wanna burn stuff to a crisp then heck yeah.”

“My lasers usually vaporize. I would prefer a holy ceremony. I desire something worthy of my earthly arrival.”

“I got you, man. I know the best place. Token is driving though so...so we gotta wait for him.” There was some yelling in the background. “Alright. See, ya soon. Bebe needs me for something. Remember, Paaaartaaaah!” Clyde sang out the last part like a panicked walrus.

Tricia ended the call. “You can’t be serious?”

“Humans like Clyde are sources of entertainment. They aren’t worth much when it comes to brains and beauty, but they are good in their own way.” He said.

“Um...excuse me, what name do you want to put down for the records?” Butters picked up a clipboard as if ready to fill out the donor information.

“Tell the humans, it was a blessing from Sun God Jesus.”

* * *

Car’s can say a lot about people, particularity, the God was learning the cooler they were, the more “clout” earned by driving them. He did not have a fancy car. His car was old, there was no touch screen display or back up camera, he had to buy a separate device for Bluetooth to be compatible, and the mirrors had to be adjusted by hand. It wasn’t sleek or cute like modern cars, it was clunky and made a weird sound when he turned it off sometimes. His car was nothing compared to Token’s.

Token’s car was nice as fuck. It was an expensive Audi R 8 Coupe, with bass boosted speakers and gold rims that still kept spinning for extra effect when the wheels stopped rolling. The inside with leather seats and nice trim.

“I will have to look into buying one of these.” The God said, pressing down on the switch to lower his window.

“Yeah. If you get them from the dealership you can even get it custom desgi—Clyde, stop winking at the ladies!” Token shot Clyde a quick distasteful look.

“Sorry man. It’s not everyday I get to ride around like this and pretend to be rich.” Clyde put his hands behind his head and kicked his feet up on the middle storage bin.

“Feet down.” Token said. “Or I will not hesitate to turn this car around.”

“Ooo, can you drop me off by that sexy—”

“I’m going to the place you told me and that’s it.”

“Aw, come’on Token. This is the first time the three of us have been together in a long time. We deserve to enjoy it.” Clyde said.

“The music not enjoyable enough for you?”

“Boost that shit!” Clyde fully rolled down his window.

Token took one hand off the wheel to turn up the volume. The music blasted louder, as the car zoomed down the street, attracting the attention of many people walking along the sidewalk.

“You can choose the next song if you want, Craig.” Token offered. “My phone’s in the cup holder.”

“He gets next pick?” Clyde complained.

“Yeah, he’s not trying to be a simp.”

The God chuckled. He didn’t understand the whole taste for music, none of these songs seemed to be directed towards any spiritual uplifting of a God. He guessed humans had changed, songs about sex, killing, suicide, and dope, seemed more heavily popular.

“Eh, I want to choose a song, as Clyde called it…” He tapped against the trimming. “With a beat that go hard.”

“You could choose Jimmy’s favorite song.” Token said.

“Jimmy always had the best playlist.” Clyde pointed at the golden arches that formed an M. “Oh, dude turn here!”

“McDonald's or Burger King?”

“Only one of them can truly get Craig what he deserves.”

“Don’t do anything crazy.” Token turned into the Burger King parking lot. He unlocked the doors, “We’ll be in the line for McDonald's so run back.”

“We’re too poor for Burger King, so if I’m not back in time order me a Big Mac combo.” Clyde put on his face mask and jumped out of the car. He slammed the door shut behind him.

“Honestly, I don’t think Clyde will ever grow up.” Token re-locked the doors. He shifted the car back into gear. “But you seem to be out making a name for yourself.”

The God shrugged. He supposed he was doing “amazing” or whatever his followers were praising him for. He was just out here.

“I’m actually glad. It’s about time someone stood up to those assholes.” Token drove across the street and into the line for McDonald's. “The way you're going about it is cruel to other people, though. But history is full of those being sacrificed for a cause bigger than themselves, or depending how you look at it being sacrificed for the sake of others greed.”

“Ah...that.” The God felt a frown tug on his lips. “All that matters is the death of those who wronged me.” He cut his eyes to gaze outside, the sun still high in the sky. “Whatever happens after that is of no concern to me. You can take over that if you want.”

“Heh? I wasn’t expecting you to offer me a job. I still have my hands full volunteering at the hospital.” Token said.

“If it is of no concern to you, why do you ponder over it?”

“Well I am concerned about it. I am very much afraid that this is all happening so fast, instead of properly being thought out.”

“Tricia is taking care of most of the preparations for me. I find myself busy trying to meet the needs of my people...trying to meet their desires.” The God didn’t know why but the thought of Tweek popped up. He turned away from the side window to stare out the windshield, a long line of cars all waiting for a chance to speak in front of a board with a box. How strange. “I think humans have many desires, despite living such a short existence. I like that. I like how they dream, how they try to achieve, with all odds stacked against them. Of course, the end result is already clear, I’ll destroy them.” He took a long breath. “More so they’ll destroy themselves trying to destroy me.”

“How depressing. Surely, you can’t think you have such a meaningless existence. You’re a God, Craig!”

“Inti.”

“Inti, you have more power now than ever. I am glad you’re using it to help people, but this is just a small fraction of what could be done.”

The God had never considered...well, he had known that people were depending on him. He put a hand on his hat, fumbling with the knitted ends. “Tell me what more I can do to help, I’ll do my best. Just because I’m a God does not automatically grant me every ability. Trust me, if I could do just a slither more...I’d…” He blinked, trying to reel back in his emotions. “I must make myself useful.”

“Useful? Listen, Inti. Your very existence gives people hope.”

“What good is hope but fleeting feeling? If nothing can be obtained, I’ll just...just be a failure.”

“That’s a very morbid view.” Token shook his head, and drove forward as the line moved. “Nothing will ever operate at 100% and a mess up shouldn’t mean it’s a failure. Maybe it’s just missing some spare parts.” He tapped on the brakes, the car coming to a gentle stop.

“Spare parts.” The God found the thought familiar, perhaps it held meaning between him and Tweek.

A knock came on the passenger side window. Clyde was standing outside, pulling on the door handle.

Token unlocked the doors with a little switch.

It was amazing how Token’s car worked and functioned so nicely. When it came together it was amazing. Everything had parts didn’t it? And sometimes more complex contraptions had more external limbs to expand its will.

“Hey, King.” Clyde swung open the passenger side door. He stepped in with a pre-folded paper crown in his hand and leaned forward near the front passenger seat. “You dropped this.”

The God blinked, watching the reflection in the mirror as Clyde put the Burger King crown on top of his blue hat.

“Drop the beat! The official ceremony has begun!” Clyde shouted, pulling off his face mask.

Token blasted the music to full volume and the car started to vibrate and rock. “Paper crown. Hah…Is...a...pff...nice touch.” He pointed at him. “Oh man, your face. Clyde got your ass good!

The God wasn’t sure he understood. But both Clyde and Token seemed to be laughing. Laughter. That was a very good thing.

“I can’t do everything alone. I’m aware of that reality. But with a team my outreach can expand.” Those greedy assholes can’t hide forever. I will destroy them.” He sat up straight and fixed his shoulders. “Yes. All these gifts will feed my power. I shall treat it as valuable as the gold throne itself.”

“Please, don’t. I fought a ten year old for this and couldn’t stand if it got wet.” Clyde said.

“Tu en una pelea con un niño de diez años.” The God shook his head.

“You better not be cussing me out in Spanish I swear to—wait if you’re a God, who can I swear to?”

Toke pulled the car up to the drive thru sign. He turned down the music. The little box seemed to come to life, a voice sputtering out, “Welcome to the end of the world. And you still want to order McDonald's, you greedy fat ass.”

“Your manager lets you talk like that?” Token asked.

“I am the manager.”

“Makes sense. Can I get two Big Mac combos? One with a Sprite, another with a Fanta orange.”

“Yes, anything else?”

Token turned to him. “What do you want, Inti?”

“Uhh…” The God looked at the menu. There were a bunch of pictures, mostly fries, hamburgers, and some ice cream like thing with the name: Mcflurry. He read some of the combos. “So the cost of a twenty piece nugget is cheaper than a hundred dollars?”

“Yeah... are you feeling okay? A lot of things are cheaper than a hundred dollars.” Token pulled out his wallet. “We could probably go to Del Taco for the same price or a bit more. It would still be less than a hundred.”

“¿Cómo?” The God knew how traumatic being ten years old could be. All the things on the menu. So much food. So much missed opportunity to… “¿y eso tú cómo lo sabes?”

“What did he just say?” Token asked.

“I don’t know, Craig’s been on this weird Spanish to English fling. He even gave himself a Spanish name...Inti or something. I don’t really fuck with it.” Clyde shrugged. “Anyway remember to get a Coke for Jimmy.”

“Okay.” Token directed his voice at the small box again. “And can I get a medium Coke?”

The voice responded, “Alright that brings your total to $16.90 at the first window.”

“Wait, I didn’t finish my order.” Token said.

“Sir, the line.”

“Yes, but I have to finish.”

“And I have to be fast and move the line.”

“Can I get…” The God didn’t see anything particularly appetizing. But if they were offering dead things here, what he desired was, “Cartman’s head served on a platter besides Stan’s extra crispy deep fried fingers. Then I want to rip out his spine, and tear out Kyle’s left eye and shove it down Kenny’s throat just to see how gutless he really is.”

“Umm, that’s not on the menu. But we have chicken nuggets, that’s the closest thing you’ll get to human parts.”

The God remembered Tweek making a little rap song about those once. They probably tasted decent. “I just want the combo.”

“Can I get a twenty piece nuggets combo?” Token asked the box.

“They don't come in a combo. I have to ring you up a ten piece combo and an extra ten piece. But first, I need you to pull forward so I can move the line.”

“Wait. Why is it on the menu?”

“It’s not. People just make it up because they see the ten piece combo.”

“Why do you have a ten piece but not a twenty piece combo?”

“Do you want it or not?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m gonna pull forward.” Token drove to the next window.

The God kept his sight glued on the prices for as long as possible. There was nothing on that menu that came close to the number $100. A bunch of things totalled together would hit that amount but on its own…

“Food is on me.” Clyde said, pulling out his wallet.

“Man, put your little twenty five cents away to take Bebe out to somewhere nice for once.” Token pushed Clyde’s offering back. “This is my treat.”

“Token…” Clyde grinned ear to ear.

Token put on his face mask and rolled his window down to hand the cashier his card.

“I knew you would do something like that, so I pre-planned something in advance.”

“Please say, cap.”

Clyde was cheesin, “We just have to pull into Burger King.”

“Why the fuck do I have to keep burning gas to Burger King?”

“It’s for Crwaig.”

“Do not ever say it like that.” The God commanded.

“Bro, yeah. That was kinda cringe. But ya know Tweek does kinda...he kinda saying it like, Craigaaah.”

The God felt the pressure in his eyes increase, as he turned around to face Clyde. “Don’t make fun of Tweek. That’s not funny. It’s not.”

“Whoa! Whoa, watch where you point those laser eyeballs, bro! Okay? I just thought talking like him would make you happy. No hard feelings.” Clyde shrunk back in his seat.

“Do not mock my honey.” The God slowly turned back around to face the front.

“So...so anyone wanna know what the thing at Burger King is?” Clyde pulled out his phone. “She should be there any second.”

“She?” Token pulled forward to the next window.

The employee opened their window with a bag of food near their elbow. “Two Big Mac and the weirdly formed twenty piece combo?”

“Yes.”

The employee was handed Token the greasy bag of food. When passing the drink holder over, there was a second where a confused expression flashed on their face. “Is that Sun God Jesus?”

“Yeah.” Token handed the drinks to Clyde.

“Wow. If you pray hard enough, he rides in your car. I guess the rumors online are true.” The employee pulled out a phone. “Can I get a picture for my Snapchat and Instagram story?”

The God crossed his arms. “Do as you please.”

“Cool.” The employee took a quick picture, then typed while talking aloud. “Hashtag, Return Of Sun God Jesus. He’s chill AF. ”

“Why isn’t my line moving?” A voice shouted.

“Oh snap.” The employee reached up as if smacking a button. “Serve!”

Token drove off, handing the bag over to him. “Check and make sure everything is in there. Nobody asked about ketchup so don’t get your hopes high.”

The God took the bag of food. The smell threw him off. “It’s supposed to be like this? Tweek should have added a verse about...about...what the heck?”

“McDonald's just smells like that.” Token flicked on the turning signal. “Now we’re going to Burger King for who knows what. I guess we can eat in the parking lot.” He narrowed his eyes. “What is that chick doing?” A woman with long hair and skin tight clothing was pacing back and forth. “It’s dangerous to be alone, people get kidnapped out...Clyde?” He glanced at him through the mirror.

“Sorry.”

“You order a hooker to meet us at the back of Burger King and all you can say is sorry?” Token blinked rapidly.

“Yeah.” Clyde said.

“We are not going over there.” Token turned off the signal.

“But my money! This was the closest thing we could get to a strip club on short notice!”

“I have an hour lunch break, that is now barely 25 minuets. I want to spend the remaining time with my bros, not a hoe.” Token pulled into a parking space off the corner lot between Burger King and McDonald's.

“No! Now I can only look and not touch!” Clyde whined.

“As it should be.” Token changed the gears. “Aren’t you ever going to get serious about Bebe?”

“The real question is, will she ever get serious about me?” Clyde asked.

“A relationship is a two player game.”

“Well, I haven’t heard much about you and Nichole. How about her, huh?”

“Nichole and I have promise rings and we’re going to get married after we both complete college and get steady jobs.”

“There’s no fun in that!”

“When you really love someone you plan out your whole life together with them, even if that means waiting on them for a little bit.” Token unlocked the car doors and readjusted his seat.

Clyde started texting on his phone. He was probably texting the hoe to try and reschedule. His eyes stole a look up to glance at his friend. “You’re just as boring as Craig when it comes to relationships.”

“Tweek is far from boring. You don’t know the half of it.” The God said.

“Isn’t it a lot?” Token asked. “I mean, getting married at eighteen and living together, four years? Plus there’s Stripe.”

“If you’re asking, is not having enough money stressful... Yes.”

Token cut his eyes to the side as if unwilling to go into the part of the conversation. He cleared his throat and corrected, “Do you regret it? Not saying you’re not happy with Tweek, but you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“Heh, if fate was so easily decided by our actions, the stars wouldn’t exist.”

“Okay, I have no idea what that means...maybe it's some God level shit.” Token checked his watch. “I only have a few minutes left for lunch.” He turned to the back and looked at Clyde. “Who’s drink is whose?”

“No one asked about my drink.” The God said.

“Welp, the default drink is usually a Sprite when they don’t ask.” Token said.

Clyde handed them their cups from the drink holder. “Yeah we got Fanta, two Sprites and a Coke. Touch luck, Craig.”

“I do not like this luck of the draw. Are all fast food places this random?” The God asked.

“Pff, unfortunately.” Token said.

“I see. Once you pull up to the drive thru, you’re at their mercy. Very interesting. A good battle tackle to employ...withholding the ketchup to make them choke to death by eating dry hamburgers.”

“Haha!” Token laughed and elbowed him in the gut. “Yeah. Might as well steal a few battle tactics from Warzone while you’re at it.”

“Alright, time to pour one out for the dead homie.” Clyde opened the car door, he flipped his paper cup over—ice and coke gushed out as the plastic top popped off. “Drink up Jimmy.”

“Aren’t you supposed to pour it on his grave?”

“The ground is the grave. It’s so hot, Craig just does his sun thing, the drink gets vaporized and goes to heaven.”

“You mean evaporation.” Token corrected.

“Bro, it’s an act of God not science.” Clyde finished pouring out the rest of the drink. He stared down at the icey slippery mess near the back passenger side tire. “But I mean…anyway for him to get it would work.”

“Yeah.” Token said.

The God felt like he was supposed to feel something in this moment. Maybe sorrow or a sense of loss. All he felt was emptiness, where something was missing from his shelf of knowledge. His memory couldn’t recall anyone with the name—faces filled his mind but matching them to where was difficult without a source to confirm or compare them to. If only he had...a picture? A picture would surely make him remember who Jimmy was. It would make him feel something.

Why was it hard to feel things when someone was dead or not in your life? All that was left was memories...and with those...leaving him. What would be left? What would be left if Tweek never wanted to see him again? Would he be left with a misconstrued memory? Or would, just like with his close friend, there would be nothing at all. A name is nothing without a face.

* * *

 _Tweek Coffee Bros_ was a third generational small business. It was now doubling as the God’s sacred temple. Not fully a place of worship, just an operational base for him to form plans and produce much needed nutrients for his followers. He listened to the overhead bell ring as the door closed behind him. The smell of coffee and sweet pastries was heavy in the air.

“Hello, Craig.” Mrs. Tweak was placing the freshly baked bagels into the display case. “Tweek still didn’t come with you?”

The God made his way to his golden throne, not bothering to correct her. He had tried time and time again to remind her: Inti. But she seemed to have a bird brain, ever so forgetful of each gentle reminder. She was lost all the time, like all she could do was cook, clean, and occasionally ask about Tweek. She didn’t shut up about him, like an over concerned...no, like a proper mother would be for her child.

“When you go home tonight, can you relay a message to him? He hasn’t been answering any of mine or his father’s text or calls.” Mrs.Tweak sounded like she was on the verge of tears. “I know he’s mad at us. I could tell by the way he left that morning with you. If he’s...” She paused, “Tell him, his father didn’t mean any harm by giving him the espresso task. We both agreed that he could handle it.”

“You think you drove Tweek away?”

“I know we did.” Mrs. Tweak croaked. “Tweek said he didn’t want any part of it. Any part of this...it broke Richard’s heart when I told him that. He hasn’t been back here to the coffee shop since. He says there’s no point if no one is going to keep on the legacy. He’d rather run this business to the ground, then sell to someone outside the family.”

“You are blind to the destruction around you. Do you not see the news?” He gestured to the tv on the wall. “Have you not seen the destruction? Have you not been baking to fulfill my requests, feeding thousands of my followers?”

“The town is going through a construction upgrade. Just like how they created that fancy upscale SoDoSoPa all those years ago, they’re remaking our whole town.” She placed some more bagels in the display. “Also I do not mind feeding a few hungry crowds. We haven’t had a lunch rush in a while, I miss the thrill.”

The God sighed. This woman was either too nice or too dumb for her own good. “You can go home.”

“Oh but isn’t the sun still up?” Mrs. Tweak sounded confused. “We don’t close till—“

“The sun has been up nonstop for days. If you keep working like this, you’ll tire yourself out. We need you to be in good health to bake things.” He wasn’t sure how long she had been working. It was hard to tell if the bags under her eyes were from lack of sleep or too much coffee.

Mrs. Tweak seemed hesitant. She put the last few bagels up and closed the glass. Her hands drifted to pull off her apron, but didn’t move. She clutched it and her face mask seemed to sink closer to her mouth like she was biting her lip.

“Is there an issue?” He asked.

“I shouldn’t leave this place. What if Tweek comes in?”

“He’s not.”

“Maybe not now, but later. You...you can go ask him to come in later?”

“Mrs. Tweak, I will relay all your messages.”

“Tweek usually answers his phone. When I went by your apartment it was blocked off by the police. I...I don’t understand!” Mrs. Tweak grabbed a few napkins. She pulled down her face mask to dab at her nose. “Is this what you meant by last stop? Did y’all move? Is it far away?”

“We will live in the mountains now. I inherited a house from my grandmother.”

“So he just doesn’t wish to come to work? I knew it.”

The God leaned across the counter. He observed how she slumped over and blubbered—much like how Laura cried for her lost child.

“Sometimes people create things they don’t know what to do with. They create monsters, Gods, aliens, all from the same concept of the unknown.” She sniffled. “These things grow out of their control, becoming a world creation and its existence changes things for many people. But when you love your creation, watching it get corrupted by the world’s ideas is like torture. You want it to be yours alone.”

“I’m afraid I don’t fol—“

“Tweek doesn’t believe me. But when I found out I was pregnant it was the happiest day of my life. A baby changed everything. I didn’t do meth for the whole time after I found out.”

Meth. Tweek’s parents were meth heads. That was the Tweak’s family's big secret. Yet Tweek confessed it when he feared losing Craig forever.

“I was so happy to finally meet Tweek. From the moment I held him, I didn’t want anything bad to ever happen to him. I thought keeping him home would keep him safe. Now he hates me for it.” Mrs. Tweak wiped a few tears from her eyes. “I know love is not a cage. But Tweek is just so...I can’t look at him without feeling a need to protect him. Even though he’s taller and stronger than me, now. All I can think about is that little baby who could fit in the palm of my hand.”

“Mrs. Tweak, I do not think your son hates you. He might hate the fact you do meth and tried to force your way of life upon him.”

“It was all for Richard’s sake! He wanted Tweek to be...be rich and successful. He taught him like that in hopes he would run this place better than him some day. I had no choice but to follow along! I tried to lessen the burden.” Mrs. Tweak crumpled the napkin in her hands. “I messed up. I messed everything up. I just want Tweek back!”

“Me too.” The God whispered. He wanted more than Tweek back. He wanted his family back. He wanted Laura to cry for him like Mrs. Tweak did for her son. He wanted Thomas to have been secretly showing him tough love like Richard Tweak had been doing for his son. He wanted...no he felt, almost jealous of Tweek.

How come Tweek got a family that didn’t hate him?

How come Tweek got life handed to him? A family run coffee shop, a mom who was concerned over his every move, a dad who maybe....just wanted the best for him?

“Craig, when you married Tweek. I trusted you with my little boy.” Mrs. Tweak sniffled, pulling the face mask back over her nose. “Tweek Tucker, I never really got used to the last name change. But you make Tweek so happy. I want Tweek to be happy all his life. Even if that means leaving South Park to go to college.” She fixed the blue hat on his head, “You’re both young adults, there is still time to turn your lives around and go after your dreams. Tell Tweek, his mother and father will no longer hold that from him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was sooo long, I split it so Tweek's POV is next chapter. Thanks for reading! Have a good day lovely people!~Mel


	8. Two sides of the same coin...HEY! Just cause I created a problem doesn't mean I know how to solve it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They’ll hurt you...ngh. They’ve been hurting everyone I love and care about. They’re after Craig for something that’s no fault of his own!” Tweek gripped the arm rest harder, till a tingling feeling numbed his touch. “I...I don’t want to do this anymore!”
> 
> “Hey, now. I don’t believe you have to be honest when someone or...something shows their colors. Once we learn how things operate, then...we give them a taste of their own medicine.” Nichole sandwiched his face in her hands. “Alright?” She held him steady. “I’m here, too. We’re both in a very not cool situation. But we’re going to get through it.”
> 
> Tweek slowly felt his head nod. “And...and Craig…” He croaked. “Craig will get through it too?”
> 
> Nichole’s mouth moved and Tweek would like to assume she said, “Yes” but he couldn’t be sure because the sound of Red’s voice made his skin scrawl. It was like a spider was hanging from his hand to spin into its web, little legs dangling and the web twisting from his fingers.

_**Tweek** _

“Soon we will be landing at our destination. The soldiers will guide you to your assigned location, where you’ll be briefed on the next move.”

The glowing overhead buttons flashed to visually show more instructions. Tweek fumbled with his face mask. He was never able to get comfortable in airplane seats. Not to mention they were flying on a military grade flight, so the seats felt like cardboard. He rubbed his eyes, trying to adjust to the light coming from the little window.

“Are you sure we're doing the right thing?” Tweek asked.

“No.” Nichole pulled out her earbuds. “I’m not sure about any of this. I didn’t even truly believe until...well we saw that.”

Tweek listened to the loud engine, watching the clouds pass beside them. The sun hadn’t risen or set in over twenty-four hours. A story similar to the biblical story when God stopped time, _“The sun stood motionless in the middle of the sky and did not set, until the nation had avenged themselves of their enemies.”_ The view overhead didn’t match with the time.

“But Red temporarily stopped his rampage, so we could escape. I don’t know how she did it.” Nichole said. “She knew something about those statues...a hidden artifact? Craig said they were all cheap replicas.”

The mention of Craig made Tweek’s heart skip a beat. “This is wrong.” He answered his own question.

His lover was currently going on a possible world ending rampage. Based on the nonstop new coverage, a trail of fire and destruction was left in his path. 

Tweek looked down the narrow aisle. Airplanes weren’t allowed to be filled to max capacity, they could only operate half-full with one flight attendant, all the passengers were spaced out with one row of empty seats before a full two seats and people had to sit with one seat between them. Basically one person by the window and the other near the narrow aisle. Still people found a way to fuck up the social distancing...How did they do it? He didn’t know.

People were falling asleep on stranger’s shoulders, sneezing in their direction, and uncovered coughs all sent shivers of disgust down Tweek’s spine. How people could so carelessly be in such close proximity to strangers was beyond him. It was like a covid party, germs just flying everywhere.

“He’s dangerous.” Nichole said.

Tweek couldn’t deny that. But he was still _his_ Craig. “I won’t let Red just turn him in for a reward. I won’t let his crazy parents try and hurt him.”

“Listen, I know you think Red is blinded by greed but she would never. Craig is her cousin.”

“So what? Everyone in his family hates him.” Tweek said. “It’s a million dollars. Money makes people crazy.” He lowered his voice almost sadly. “It’s what drove my Craig to the edge.”

Nichole’s shoulders slumped and her expression fell. “You say that, but I don’t think you believe it. You’re just worried someone is going to hurt Craig.”

“Gah! I was forced onto a flight by the military! I have to watch our backs.” Tweek wouldn’t fall for it. He’d been suckered a bunch of times by Kenny, Stan, all of them. He learned his lesson. He was going to have Red’s head for this. She thought she could pull one over on him! He should...no, he’d wait. He’d take out his revenge in the most excruciating way. She’d wish he just killed her.

“Our backs?”

“You, Craig, Stripe and...ngh...my own.” Tweek used one hand to brace himself as the plane landed on the runway. He squeezed the arm rest between the seats. He imagined choking that useless bitch out. She’d probably wiggle, kick, try to gasp for air as his hands slowly drained the life out of her.

“Aw, Stripe.” Nichole said, softly. “How is he?”

Tweek looked at the little bump under his tucked in shirt. It was uncomfortable as hell, but it was the only way for him to sneak Stripe along. “He’s fine. I...ngh...think. He hasn’t moved in a while, but guinea pigs don’t like airplanes”

“Poor thing might be sleeping.” Nichole said.

Tweek hoped Craig had been sleeping properly. He hoped his headache had lessened...it seemed to lessen after he used his lasers. He glanced at his phone, a YouTube live video played: a young lady was talking amidst all the violence and destruction behind her. Yeah, Craig was using his lasers a lot. His head was probably fine. “Nichole...ngh...do you think I’m a selfish person?”

“Yep.” Nichole agreed. “But if you weren’t putting your foot down on this. I’d slap you.”

“Heh.” Tweek nervously chuckled. “Out of love?” He couldn’t bring himself to be mad. Frustrated. But not mad enough to want to… He just missed Craig. This was the longest they had ever been apart after getting married.

“I agree, we shouldn’t do anything to hurt him. But we can’t keep letting him act like a five year old and throw a fit at the cost of innocent lives.”

“He is like a...gah...five year old! He’s only had his God form for five days. And all he did was complain about his head.”

“The headaches?”

“Lasers must be the cause of his headaches.” Tweek said. “They have to be released. So maybe when the built up pressure is finally gone, things will go back to normal.”

“That must never happen,” A voice with a slight accent cut into the conversation. “If all of Inti’s lasers burn out, then the sun will explode in a supernova, ending all life on earth.”

Tweek looked at the row beside them to see a man with dark black hair. The man tapped a gloved finger on his arm rest, a tutting sound was made with his mouth.

“The vessel has finally allowed our God to properly resurrect. Only the most boring person on earth could house the Sun God, because of the enormous amount of power and responsibility. When I met him...I don’t understand how such a humble man could lose focus of the big picture.”

Tweek felt a funny yet familiar feeling in his gut. “It's a tragedy.” He reached under his seat to pull out a container of pills from his bag.

The man nodded as if in solidarity. He shifted his eyes over to say something in Spanish.

“Sometimes I get a funny feeling in my gut, I don’t know if it's my intuition or my anxiety.” Tweek shakily popped a pill into his mouth. “I just assume the worst.”

“Let’s not.” Nichole pushed one of his hands down.

“I just...ngh...feel bad.” Tweek screwed the cap back on. “If something happens, if...things go wrong.” He placed the container full of his medication back into his carry on bag. 

“You and Craig are so alike sometimes, it's maddening.” Nichole said. “In the end, things will work out. Each time something crazy happens, things always just find a way to revert back to normal. We just have to ride it out.”

“Ngh? Gah...ride it out. Ngh...okay! Yeah. It...it.. ta-takes some time for the pills to work. Cool. I’m calm. I’m cool.” Tweek exhaled. For some reason the words falling out of his lips didn’t match with the nervous pounding in his chest or the worsening feeling in his gut. A knot seemed to tighten, as the tension made his hands dig into the arm rest. He could be chill. He just needed to focus. Craig always told him, “ _Don’t-_ ” Aw, Craig! His Craig was probably suffering and he couldn’t do anything to help.

There was a little ring, then the cabin doors opened up. Two armed men in FBI uniforms entered, “We’re here to collect four passengers. Everyone else remain calm and follow emergency procedures.”

The passengers nodded.

“GAAAAAAH!” Tweek shouted.

“Tweek.” Nichole seemed to be trying to calm him.

Tweek couldn’t tell. He hated this. He hated these sudden fits of spasms. The world was spinning, it was turning, everything was happening and going fast, and everyone was calm, and everyone didn’t seem to mind, it was normal. Normal. Normal. But it wasn’t normal. _Normal_. He squirmed in his seat, his sight unable to focus on one thing. They would be everywhere...they’d ruin everything. He had to...what? What could he do? All he could do was protect what was important to him. In the end, he was just...

“Sorry, it’s not cool. This isn’t cool anymore! I don’t...gah...like this!” Tweek couldn’t help but be reminded of when the FBI busted into the apartment. Now these people were here, _more government_ people about to probably fuck up everything. He felt his body start shaking. “I can’t.”

“Then don’t. You don’t have to do this.” Nichole leaned inwards, “I don’t fully trust the government either. Not when they tried to screw Craig over so many times, their intentions were clear. It’s understandable you don’t want to be any deeper than you already are with them.”

“They’ll hurt you...ngh. They’ve been hurting everyone I love and care about. They’re after Craig for something that’s no fault of his own!” Tweek gripped the arm rest harder, till a tingling feeling numbed his touch. “I...I don’t want to do this anymore!”

“Hey, now. I don’t believe you have to be honest when someone or...something shows their colors. Once we learn how things operate, then...we give them a taste of their own medicine.” Nichole sandwiched his face in her hands. “Alright?” She held him steady. “I’m here, too. We’re both in a very not cool situation. But we’re going to get through it.”

Tweek slowly felt his head nod. “And...and Craig…” He croaked. “Craig will get through it too?”

Nichole’s mouth moved and Tweek would like to assume she said, “ _Yes”_ but he couldn’t be sure because the sound of Red’s voice made his skin scrawl. It was like a spider was hanging from his hand to spin into its web, little legs dangling and the web twisting from his fingers.

“They’re right here.” Red stood up a few rows behind them. She motioned for Thomas, Laura, Tweek and Nichole to stand. 

“Agent, Bertha.” One of the men nodded at her. “Good work.”

“Agent?” Nichole asked.

Red pulled a badge out of her purse, then put on some cool black shades. “It’s called going undercover.” She whispered, bumping against Nichole’s side. “Now move.”

“I thought you were a broke stripper! I let you crash on my parents couch!” Nichole shuffled her feet. “There better be a good explanation for this.”

“How about saving humanity? Is that a good enough explanation for you?” Red led them behind the two other FBI men.

“Sell out.” Nichole whispered. “You were right, Tweek. We have to get our minds right to form a plan.”

“A….A plan? Eh...ngh...” Tweek stepped behind Nichole, patting her shoulders. “You’re way smarter than me, I was hoping you’d think...ngh...think of..” He wanted to shrink behind her. “Something?”

“Tweek, you’re way taller than me, now. Even if you hid behind me it won’t do you any good.” Nichole turned to catch a glimpse of him cowering behind her.

“Gah! So-roory! Force of habit from being around Craig!” Tweek removed his hands from her shoulders.

“You’re still behind me.” Nichole sounded almost like a mother tired of telling their little kid to sit still.

“Just because you say it doesn’t mean, I’m gonna move! I feel safer behind people.” Tweek dragged his feet. Walking...movement. This was all compliance with their plan. He should stop. He should say something. He thought about the handcuffs that were slapped on his wrist before--how they hurt... _ruined_ his life. The smug bastards. Craig was doing perfectly fine before they came along.

Nichole nudged him. She flashed a nervous smile that seemed to read, _“Good. You’re supposed to be watching my back, right?”_

“Ye-yeah!” Tweek tried to push out any hints of fear from his voice. He had people to protect. People who he didn’t want to lead down a dark road. If Craig walked a road paved with death and destruction; Tweek would just have to pave a new one when the old asphalt cracked below Craig’s feet. He’d be there to catch him every time, he falls. 

They exited the airplane, walking along the long airstrip. The marks drawn on the ground, where supposed to be providing order and direction, similar to how the government was supposed to be calming everyone down. An overhead light flicked on, it was almost impossible to see with the sun shining so brightly.

“Tch, damn. Even if we stop that freak, we gotta think of the health effects.” A man walked with a little more spunk in his stride. “An uptick in skin cancer. I can’t even count all the people who’ve already suffered from heat stroke.”

“I found the relic.” Red held up her briefcase. “It’s not enough to take him out. Only an immortal can kill another immortal.”

Kill? Tweek spun around. That was it! He was gonna—he felt something press against his side.

“Don’t try anything. I have permission to shoot at first sign of a threat.”

Tweek unclenched his fist. The heat was making everyone crazy. The whole North American continent was experiencing an extreme heat wave. Alerts had been sent out warning, “ _this was no different than covid, stay inside, only go out if needed.”_

“Where are you taking us?” Laura asked. “I believe I have rights to a lawyer.”

“A lawyer won’t be able to defend you for harboring a dangerous criminal. You knew the repercussions.”

“Oh, but you see...I’m on your side! I too want to be rid of my son. I know he’s a threat! I just want to help!” Laura said.

“Is that so?” The man didn’t sound like he believed her.

“I’m more so worried about my daughter.” Thomas said.

“We’re still missing a witness?”

“Yes.” Red said. “Tricia Tucker escaped, but there’s still a search for her. So far we put our efforts into tracking down Inti since she’s more than likely aiding him.”

They stepped into an air conditioned trailer. It wasn’t fancy and looked more like an emergency set up place for military generals with other high level government officials to meet. A few tables were pushed end to end to create the illusion of a long one. A little tv rested on the table and on the wall there was a white board with a map of America pasted on to it, filled with pins, strings, scribbled words.

“I wished I never lived to see the day.” A man, who was probably America’s secretary of defense, stood proudly at the board. “Where we’d have to fear the sun himself.” His uniform decorated with various awards and honors, glimmered and flashed under the light. “Ever since the BP oil spill and the Dark Lord Cthulhu rose, we have kept a safety plan for when Gods dare rise up to try and destroy humanity.”

Red and the other two men took a seat at the table. Nichole sat in the middle between Red and Tweek. Red leaned back in her seat, she slid the briefcase across the tables.

“We know Gods grow in power based on their following. Inti wasn’t a well known God, until that stupid hashtag.” The leader wrote on the board, _#returnofsungodjesus_. “This hashtag BOOSTED Inti’s power level. He gained more followers and believers than ever before. Under orders from the president we put a million dollar reward on his head hoping people would turn him in, like how Judas betrayed Jesus, but his followers were too devoted to be persuaded by greed. Our first efforts to close in and seal the Sun God’s transformation were halted by this human’s interference.” 

All eyes in the conference turned to Tweek.

“My husband really is boring. I won’t change what I said before.” Tweek said.

“It will be hard to take him down.” The general used the laser pointer to direct to a spot on the map. “To help plan this, we brought in a few specialists.”

The conference doors opened, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman walked in wearing business suits. 

“No!” Tweek slammed his hands on the desk. “These are the fools that caused Craig to get triggered! If he sees ngh...them it will only make things worse!”

Everyone in the room watched as the four of them walked to the front of the room. Kyle opened the briefcase on the table. He pulled out the same relic, Red used to temporarily freeze Craig’s movements. Stan took the laser pointer from the general.

“Ignore that outburst.” Cartman cleared his voice and fixed his tie. “He’s obviously brainwashed and lies for the sake of staying in good favor of Sun God Jesus.”

“AAARAAAAGAAAAH!” Tweek spun around in his chair. He could feel Stripe squirming, as if he was complaining too.

Kenny smirked. “Listen up everyone, we’re gonna jab Mr.Sun-God-Jesus in his fucking laser eyes. Then ya’ll gonna write us that big ass check for a milli-yo dollars!”

“But first we’re gonna have to send out more planes to vacate the area to minimize casualties. Covid people and non-covid still need to stay far away during this time.” Stan said. “All civilians should be evacuated before any more military action is taken. This will be difficult but I’m sure if we follow this forty step plan.”

“Excuse me!” Nichole raised her hand. “Why are they so called experts? I’m the same age as them. They have no prior military experience. I should be an expert, too.”

“Haha.” The general laughed and shook his head. “One more outburst and you and the blond can get lost.”

“What is that supposed t—?” 

“I ask that we hear ‘em out general.” Red said. “I wouldn’t have brought them if I didn’t think they’d be helpful.”

Nichole clicked her tongue. “We should try to reach a peaceful agreement.”

“Peace?” Cartman grabbed the tv remote. “Does this look like someone who we can find peace with?”

The tv screen flashed with the words **BREAKING NEWS** in all red to signal the alert.

Bebe appeared on screen with her microphone. “Yes. I am the reporter able to score an interview! So here we have Sun God Jesus himself.” She moved the microphone near Craig.

The background was a town in total chaos—buildings crumbling, fire burning, power lines down, car alarms going off. Craig sat in an all gold chair that looked like it belonged in a Emperors’ throne room. He had a paper Burger King crown on his head. There were a bunch of people surrounding him, wearing face masks reading: _I don’t care_.

“The only reason I’m doing this is because Clyde begged me to give you this scoop. Humans that get on their knees for me, with such commitment and devotion. I choose to fulfill their requests.” Craig gave a little wrist gesture as if to shoo her off. “You owe him another dinner date now.”

“Ahem!” Bebe cleared her throat. “Please,” Her face seemed to scream: _Don’t ruin this opportunity for me._ Her hands tightened around the microphone. “Will you please tell the world what your demands are?”

“I don’t have those.” Craig looked up. “Give me a moment.”

The camera shifted to show a missile zooming through the sky. Then it lowered to show a heavy armored tank closing in a little down the road.

Craig shot the missile down. “Is that your best?”

The heavy tank kept moving forward.

“Out of my way.” Craig’s eyes glowed. Lasers fired. The tank exploded into flaming hot pieces, raining down on the crowd.

The camera must have been damaged from the thundering impact because dust clouds and embers fogged up the clarity.

Bebe coughed. “Are we good? Can...we still live?”

A gloved hand gave a thumbs up.

“Alright.” Bebe cleared her throat. “That was eventful. Any reasons for doing this?”

Craig’s voices deepened. “The sinful ones know what they’ve done to bring this to pass. Their trifling ways conned me out of one hundred dollars long ago.”

“Isn’t the saying time heals all wounds?”

“Time has rubbed salt on my wounds. They preyed on my innocents...as I grew I learned the value of money, how hard it is to earn and save.”

“One hundred dollars.” Bebe repeated in almost disbelief. “You’re doing all this over one hundred dollars?”

“You ignorant human!” Craig rose as if ready to vaporize her. “You might ask yourself, what is one hundred dollars? One hundred little dollars compared to thousands, compared to millions? Well, let me put in perspective for your one track mind to comprehend.”

Bebe motioned the camera over as Craig seemed to transcend space time, one second he was there, the next he appeared to have jumped on top of a gas station.

“One hundred dollars is enough to refill the gas tank in my car for a month.”

Craig zapped a fast food sign. His crowd of believers, erupted in cheers.

“One hundred dollars is a twenty piece chicken nugget and a drink at McDonald’s, or it’s chicken quesadillas at Del Taco. Many people have lost their lives for less than a hundred dollars. For less than the price of a dollar menu sandwich.”

Craig jumped to the ground. The crowd parted like when Moses parted the Red Sea. 

“It’s less than the price of weed. Less than the price of sweet relief and freedom.” Craig lasered the **W** from the **almart.** Bebe ducked as if afraid he might turn on her next. “You need anything essential? A new set of silverware. A new bed comforter set. A pack of meat, cheese, bread. One hundred dollars will buy packs of water. If you go to the dollar store!” He shook his head and let out a crazed laugh. “Haha! The dollar store. You can get ninety nine items from that place! NINETY NINE THINGS INCLUDING TAX! They got everything. EVERYTHING. Food. Cleaning supplies. Trash bags. Toys. Pet food. Heck, they have cards and balloons.”

“So...so you’re just saying that one hundred dollars can go a long way?” Bebe asked.

“No. I’m listing all the options I was deprived of spending my birthday money…” Craig grabbed the microphone. “THE MONEY GIVEN TO ME FROM MY GRANDMA!”

The speakers linked to the tv got really bad and scratchy.

“Because of certain people who conned me.” Craig blinked. “Obviously some people still _like_ to con me from my grandma’s gifts. Who knew $100 dollars could turn into a $894,628 dollar house in the Rocky Mountains?” He dropped the microphone, ascending to his golden throne. “I’ll have your heads.”

As if that statement was the planned exit, all his followers threw up the middle finger to the camera.

“There you have it folks.” Bebe picked up the microphone, dusting it off. “Sun God Jesus himself explaining his cause.” She wiped sweat from her forehead. “I guess the question on everyone’s mind is, how much longer must we bear this heat? Back to you to the studio.”

“We’re dealing with an unstable menace.” Cartman turned off the tv.

“Gah! You’re just saying that because he doesn’t like you!” Tweek shouted. “He’s just mad and probably scared is all.” He frantically looked at Nichole and Red, hoping they would be just as motivated to take action. “You what...ngh...he told me once?”

Nichole raised a brow.

“Craig told me, he’s not proud of everything he’s done but the good that can come from it.” Tweek tugged at the mask resting on his face. “He’s not destroying stuff without a plan.”

“So Sun God Jesus has a plan, too?” Stan pulled out a thick packet of paper. “Tell us more so we can improve our operation.”

Kyle went to the whiteboard with a marker as if ready to strategize.

“His plan is to obviously FUCK UP everyone who betrayed him.” Tweek widened his eyes looking at the four of them. “If you guys surrender, Craig will stop being overly emotional, therefore ending his rampage.”

The secretary of defense looked at them. “Is this true? Are you the ones Sun God Jesus demands as tribute?”

“Pff, you crazy.” Kenny said. “We have nothing to do with this. In the written report Red wrote she said bad parents were to blame for making Sun God Jesus lose his shit.”

Laura drummed her fingers. “I could never bring myself to kill the little boy that I raised. The boy who filled the void of my son, Craig. But Inti… I would drop him in a second.” She gestured to the maps. “All this would have been non existent given the chance I had. Send me in and I won’t hesitate to right the wrong my family has done.” 

“A family spat. Friends mad at each other...” The man shook his head. “Thousands of lives are at risk from this bullshit.”

Nichole stood up. “I have a few plans and ideas too.” She grabbed Tweek’s hand, dragging him to the whiteboard with her. “For one—”

“KYAAALLL!” Cartman shouted.

“I made a plan.” Kyle grabbed the packet from Stan. “Read it. I swear.”

“Gah!” Tweek slapped the paper down. “Nobody is...gah...hurting my Craig! He’s not what these clowns are making him out to be!”

Kenny dropped his voice to about a whisperer, “Whoa, Tweek.” He put a hand on his shoulder. “You know I’m one of IntwaJesus biggest supporters don’t go off me like that.” 

“Ngh...go do your stupid hustle side job bull!”

“No listen. I tried so hard to get Craig on a flight with me to Peru. Out of here! A win win solution.”

“Why did you think he’d do that? Craig would never leave me.”

“Bro, where is he at right now? He’s gone. Gone!”

“Just shut up!” Tweek slammed his fist into Kenny’s mouth. He was so tired of this. He just kept punching over and over again. Blood spilled on his knuckles, on Kenny’s suit, on the floor.

“Man! You got issues!” Kenny struggled to throw him off.

Tweek saw Kenny try to jab at his stomach. Not Stripe. He kneed Kenny’s jaw. “You messed with the wrong family, you fucker!”

The sound of footsteps filled his ears. He felt his back body slammed against the table. He kept on exchanging blows, despite how a heaviness in his shirt seemed to be withstraining him.

“Get him good, Tweek! Get him!” Nichole shouted. “Bust his nose!”

“Nichole.” Red sounded appalled. 

Tweek felt strong arms hold him back. He snapped his teeth as his feet lifted off the ground. “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck this! Fuck everyone!” He failed wildly. “None of you really care about Craig!”

“Out of everyone, Nichole, I thought you’d understand. It’s a shame Kenny has more brain cells than you.” Red said. “You’re just like Tricia. You’re stubborn and blind to the truth.”

“No!” Nichole shouted. “You all refuse to accept responsibility for Craig's mental state. You see him as this big threat! But he’s really just sad and pissed off.” She grabbed a marker writing in big letters. “Part one of my research paper on communication, social emotional learning.”

“You tell em...ngh...Nichole!”

“You’re responsible the most Tweek.” Nichole sighed. “The only difference from when Craig used his powers when he was younger compared to now is _you._ Craig started dating you, now you’re married and he has to deal with constant feelings.”

“That’s not true! If it was Craig would have gone crazy sooner.”

“You put Craig in certain circumstances that he’d normally never be in. Basically the same thing Kenny, Stan, Kyle and Cartman did!” 

Tweek couldn’t deny that. He did kinda pressure Craig to find another job. Which did kinda lead to him selling dope. Which did somehow attract the cops? This whole thing was just a terrible downhill spiral.

“I know you don’t mean to do it.” Nichole drew a picture of Tweek on the board, then a picture of Craig. “More than likely, Inti’s second awakening is due to a series of unfortunate events mixing from feelings with the past.” She drew pictures of Stan and Kenny along with an airplane. “Craig has never been one to shy away from how he feels, but he suppresses his reactions by acting like he doesn’t care. That’s why we get nice boring _safe_ Craig.” She erased the smile and drew a frown. “Bad thoughts hit, they cause toxic feelings. Craig gets high.” She drew a branch off from that idea. “Or Craig talks out feelings.” She drew another line. “Or Craig goes batshit crazy and uses his powers to destroy the world because he knows how to bend society with his commands.”

“So all we have to do is make him not toxic?” Stan asked. “Welp. Guess we can rip up our plan. We just need to send in Tweek.”

“Tweek is the key.” Red agreed. “Tweek has Craig’s utmost loyalty. Granted if there is a piece of him still left, that hasn’t been completely eaten up by Inti’s personality. He’ll listen to what Tweek wants. While we close in from behind, use the relic and crush him.” She lifted up the relic allowing a better look at what looked like the top half of an old broken spear. 

There were symbols or some kind of language with different colored knots going up past the broken end. The spear had a blueish, sharp crystal like shape as if carved from a sacred stone. Where the stone’s color began to change—a more darker, almost red color—it warned of it’s previous uses. Kill, after kill, after kill.

“Eh?” Nichole pointed at the whiteboard. “Did everyone miss my point?”

“Gah! Neat joke. I don’t know what goes in your minds, but clear any idea of a team up!” Tweek tried to break free of the armed security. “I’ll never trust any of you scum bags after what you did to my husband.” He flipped some hair from over his eyes. “You talk like wild animals craving blood!”

“We tried to arrest him peacefully before. He resisted and now it’s come to this.” Red said.

“You call an FBI raid peaceful? Sending the cops to my place of work?” Tweek asked.

“Cartman is right for once.” Red combed her hair behind her left ear as she rose to her feet. “You are delusional and brainwashed.” She slid forward a file from on the table. “If you’re not willingly going to be useful. There are ways of breaking you.”

Tweek felt the ground beneath his feet again. His head was shoved forward to press against the cold table, paper was shoved in his field of vision. He could barely read the words, all he could see were the pictures. “Mo...mo...mommy?” They were pictures of his parents selling coffee, one of his mother fixing the expresso, another with his father doing a sale.

“We know the Tweak family secret.” Red clasped her hands together. Her high heels sounded like she was walking up behind him. “Your espresso shots, huh?” She lowered her head, showing off her pearly almost cunning smile. “Clever.” She pulled back away from him. His head was yanked back up to look at the whiteboard. “We never would have known if you wouldn’t have told Craig during the FBI raid.”

“No.” Tweek felt his heart drop. He was fucked. He was _so_ fucked. His whole life was over. His poor mother, she couldn’t do hard time in prison! “It’s not what you think…”

Red’s smile was definitely cunning now, it was almost more like a smirk. She tapped a button on her phone and a recording started playing:

_“Craig...I can explain. I’ll explain to them everything. This is all my parents fault and the stupid coffee with meth.”_

_“Coffee with meth? I mean from Kenny.”_

_“Yeah. I brought some meth from Kenny a week a...ngh...go. I have to give it to my parents. But there are still some packs in the emergency escape underpants gnome space.”_

_“You use that closet to hide drugs?”_

_“I’m sorry! I didn’t wanna drag you into it. Now you’re probably gonna get arrested...THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!”_

Red paused the recording. 

The voices were undeniably his and Craig’s. He’d done it. He had officially ruined his own life. And it was, exactly as he said at the time, nobody’s fault but his own.

“Now, we could choose to prosecute this, sending you and your parents to jail for a very long time. Verbally confessions are the best evidence anyone can get.” Red waved her phone back and forth. “Or you lure Craig to us.” She closed in near his ear. He could smell her mint breath, feel her lipstick smudging against his skin. “You’d protect everyone. You’d save the world. Just like how Kenny confessed and came to work with us, you can too. You can too go down in history as a hero.”

“I...I can’t give up on my Craig! Writing him off like that is...is...ngh...not fair! Sure, he is being an asshole right now, but—”

“What about Stripe? What would he do with both his parents and grandparents gone? He’s just a helpless little kid.” Red talked like she knew. She had to. She must have known Stripe was hiding under his shirt. Waiting. Listening. Eager to know what was going to happen. “You would never hurt Stripe would you? Imagine how’d he feel. He would never understand...never comprehend why he was suddenly back in the stone cold metal cage in a pet store.”

“I will take care of everything.” Tweek almost didn’t recognize the sound of his one voice. Stripe wiggled around as if he didn’t get it either. “Once Craig is calmed, there will be no need to kill him.” He glanced at the tv screen, more pictures and video flashed of the destruction, burned buildings and flipped over cars. “I’m just not sure how we’ll get close to him.”

“Easy. Craig will always respond to a call or text left by you, Tweek.” Red said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is something u read at 3am in the morning and the colors start talking you. :)))) Be safe!~Mel


	9. Back before the love we made, made me out a fool.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Everyone is worried about your slowly declining mental state right now. Please, just...just take a step back and look at the situation. Get some distance, ya know? I feel like everything is out of my control everyday. But you taught me to accept that and fix what I can.” Tweek ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Right now, I can fix the fact Stripe is gone by bringing him back home.”
> 
> “Feeling?” The God shook his head. “You are mistaken. I simply am. I am the controller of the sun. I am one of the many Gods of this universe. I feel little things, but they do not amount to power.”
> 
> “Well...ngh...to me, those brief feelings of so-called-little-things have a lot of power. They affect your...ngh...brain and thought process.” Tweek grabbed his face mask. “They help you remember good times that give you something to live for.”

_**Sun God Je— Craig** _

The number of days passing was lost—Gods don’t count days—they count the number of followers. How many people needed their presence. Their prayers were strong, prolonging his strength and life, each breath was given by one follower who adored him. Gods were really rather vulnerable, just as easily a human life could be snuffed out like a candle, Gods could be subdued to the same fate.

Death would claim him. It’s spear in his back and his empty hand waiting to be grasped.

“Uh, excuse me, Inti? That’s uhh...what you’re going by now, right?”

The God lifted his head to see Butters, standing outside the broken stained glass window. He was dressed like he’d just gotten off work, his name tag still evident and clipped to his scrubs.

“I..well...wanted to thank you. Many sick people have been healed from your generous donations.” Butters fumbled with his thumbs. “I’ve been watching tv. I don’t really get what's going on here, but...I don’t think you’re that bad of a guy, maybe misled and confused.”

“How so?”

“You want to kill my boyfriend. That kinda hurts and pisses me off.”

“And Kenny and his friends conning me out of one hundred dollars, isn’t messed up?”

“It’s not right either! But, what if someone took Stripe away from you and Tweek? There’s just already so much sadness going on, I think you can do something nice without being vindictive.”

“Your thoughts are appreciated. Can’t say I’ll take them into consideration, but I respect, for speaking your mind.” The God rested his head back in his palm, his elbows sank a bit downwards. All the sunlight mixed with his body temperature must be making the gold reach a high enough temperature to melt.

“Is Tricia with you? I texted her and she said something about downtown.”

“She already left. She went with Clyde, to help deliver the sandwiches Mrs.Tweak made.”

The coffee shop was empty. The town was slowly emptying. The heat was driving everyone mad, or driving them back inside. It was a wonder why Butters stood there.

“You’re not going out today?” Butters asked.

The God shook his head. He wasn’t usually one to count days, but when he glanced at his phone the date was too precious to not be recognizable. “Today is Tweek and I’s wedding anniversary.”

Butters’ voice changed from a shaky tone to more joyful. “Congratulations! It’s been how many years...five? But y’all have been dating since like forever.”

“Yes.” The God confirmed. He felt foolish, almost as simple minded as Mrs. Tweak for waiting here for someone that would never come. But now he remembered why this coffee shop was warm, it was the place where he proposed to Tweek five years ago when they were still in high school. It had been an almost childish way, sliding him a frappe with a ring at the bottom of the cup. Tweek had loved it. Tweek had loved _him._

Tweek loved Craig Tucker.

The God felt his breath hit the back of his throat. Did everyone love Craig? Tricia, Clyde, Mrs. Tweak....they even all loved...

“Welp, I guess I’ll see you next week at the clinic.” Butters waved, walking off. “Have a happy anniversary!”

The God rose to his feet. The gold was melting faster and he didn’t wish to ruin Token’s gift. He looked at the waste land outside, a paper fan drifted aimlessly, and Butters' car drove down the jagged road.

This town was never beautiful, but it was never a wreck like this either. 

“It’s all their fault, Kenny, Stan, everyone…” The glass hissed as his hand pressed against it, melting it to be moldable like play-doh. “I’ll make sure the lives lost are not in vain.” He lifted his head to the heavens, his blue hat slipping a bit. “IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED GRANDMA?”

No answer.

All he heard was his voice being lifted higher, the ceiling wasn’t high enough for an echo, but his ears seemed to ring as if the question haunted him.

He’d never know. Nobody would ever know. The world would keep slitting its vast capitalistic wrist, spilling money for the price of blood. A never ending cycle, that he too, had subdued himself too.

“One hundred dollars in exchange for hundreds of lives.” He pulled back, trying to lower his body temperature.

The smell of coffee lingering in the air reminded him of his lover. His lover who had soft hips, cracked lips, and a terrible case of trembles with a knack for mumbling out a bunch of incoherent things. He loved those incoherent things—each little “ngh, gah” or “aragh!” He loved how Tweek never tried to shy away from who he was.

A familiar buzz, pulled him from his thoughts. He answered his phone.

“Craig?”

That voice. He felt his heart race. “Honey?”

“Craig! I...gah...are you still going by that? You won’t get pissy at me? Gah!”

The God shook his head. He didn’t know why because Tweek couldn’t see him. It just felt so good to hear his voice. So good to know he was alive. So good to know he didn’t seem mad.

“No answer. Gah! Don’t be like that! It’s our anniversary! I’m already anxious. I took like six anxiety pills today! You’re making me...gah...push seven!”

“Don’t do that.” The God said. “Tell me, what’s bothering you.”

“Me? I’m...I'm kinda sad, that you left Stripe and I. DO...DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT’S BEEN? But I...Im...ngh...more worried about you!”

“I didn’t mean to leave behind my boys. I just had a lot on my mind and when I came back to my senses, all I could remember as securing our house.”

“You think I’m still worried about the house? Aaargah! What did I tell you before? Your health and well being is greater than any amount of money to me. Gah!”

“Where is your location? I will teleport you here.”

“I’m in DC. Somewhere?”

“Very well then. Hold your breath while you break space time. Warning, it will get hot.” He closed his eyes—there was nothing in the universe he couldn’t find with his GPS ability to heat search. Each human and creature have a unique heat pattern, creating a world in yellowish, red and blue, a lot like when looking through thermal imaging goggles. He searched DC for Tweek’s pattern. 

There was someone close to his pattern. It was a little bit off, probably because he was surrounded by a group of people.

“Come to me, my love.” He focused his power.

* * *

_**Tweek** _

Tweek didn’t know how long he held his breath for. It couldn’t have been more than five seconds because suddenly the smell of coffee filled his nose. A familiar sweet and comforting smell that reminded him of…

Tweek opened his eyes to see his parent’s coffee shop. “What is going—“ He rushed forward noticing the golden throne. “Craig!”

“Don’t address me as such.” The God said.

“But...ngh...calling you Sun God Jesus is just weird.” Tweek said. “You’re Craig.”

“Do you not love me as I am now?”

“Of course, I do. Yesterday, no then and all the days before that. Not because of your name or your smarts, even though,” Tweek glanced at the board with job postings and advertisements listed on it. “You’re a jobless boring college dropout. I don’t mind.” He shrugged. “I guess my love for you, isn’t really something I can explain.”

The God—Craig, lowered his head as if he did not accept such an answer. There was something missing between them. They shared the same name and had to be the same. Tweek proved that. There was no difference between Craig now and then, he’d always be Tweek’s big nerd. Yet his expression seemed more animated, his words more joyful.

“Thank you for sparing my family’s coffee shop.” Tweek moved closer to him, trying to get a reaction. “But when I see my mom on tv passing out bottled water, I question your...gah...sanity! She could have been put in real danger!” He gestured to tv.

“Noted.” Craig knocked on a table, the heat from his knuckles slightly burning the wood. A light smell of smoke filled the air. “Something has been bothering me, though. Your heat signature is not the same as I remember. At first, I thought it was because of other people.”

Tweek checked over his shoulders. The only other hint of activity he saw was a fly crawling up to the light fixture overhead. “What? There’s...ngh...no police here! I swear this isn’t a trap!”

“Your colors are still off.” Craig lifted his knuckles. He took a seat on his throne and motioned for Tweek to come forward. “This is strange.”

Tweek gulped, his legs started to tremble. It felt like judgement day. Those cold blue eyes—terrors, as the news called them—would observe, reading his life story then settle on a proper punishment. Either they’d shine brighter like the sun and kill him or dim like the moon and spare his soul from damnation.

“This new heat source makes me uneasy.” Craig blinked his eyes. The bright glow began to dim. He reached out to tilt the human’s head upwards, as if inspecting for any new cuts or scars. “It’s coming from...” He pointed at Tweek’s stomach. “Here.”

“You mean Stripe.” Tweek halfway unbuttoned his shirt. A little nose popped out, then a head.

“Stripe.” Craig said. Stripe’s tongue licked the tip of his finger. “You are the cutest and bravest little guinea pig.” He petted the top of Stripe’s head, getting behind his soft ears. “You came a long way.”

“I hid him. Gah! We deserve a proper family reunion.” Tweek cupped Stripe, picking him up for Craig to rub him properly. 

Stripe let out a happy whistle, as if satisfied he was finally getting some much needed attention. He moved his head, eager to lick more and show his affection.

“Where have you been?” Craig asked.

“Huh?” Tweek placed Stripe on the table.

“You’ve been out of contact for some time.”

“Ngh...well…” Tweek wasn’t sure if he should lie or tell the truth. Stripe nudged his hand and sniffed the air. “I know this day is very sentimental to us. I figured you’d be calm enough to talk. A lot happened with the military, your parents, Red, Kenny and—”

“Excellent, you know of their location. Tell me their whereabouts so I can crush them.” Craig made a tight fist.

“You said you weren’t a vengeful God! Stop being bad.” Tweek crossed his arms.

“Good? Bad? I don’t care either way.”

“Then why are you destroying everything?”

“Because, _honey_ ,” Craig snaked his arms around Tweek’s waist. “In our wedding vows, we swore for rich or for poor.” He pressed his lips on the nape of Tweek’s neck. “One of those I cannot live with anymore.”

Hot. Hot. _Hot._ The heat seems to remind Tweek, “ _Don’t struggle. Don’t freak out._ ” He could almost hear Craig’s words with his hand movements. Little reminiscents of what once was and what can still come to pass.

“Ngh...There are people who want you dead, they’ll never accept that answer.” Tweek winced. “Ouch! Ho—!”

“Sorry.” Craig removed his mouth, a fresh hickey now very evident on Tweek’s skin. “I’m just...ya know, very _particular_ on how I like things.” He squeezed Tweek’s hips. “They fucked everything up. They fucked up my boring life. They fucked it up. It’s not fair.”

“By doing this you’re making things even less boring.” 

“If we don’t get to live a peaceful boring life, nobody does.” Craig snuggled against Tweek.

“Craig, that’s not... This isn’t a game.” Tweek tried to keep his voice steady. He tried to ignore the heat pressing against him. He tried to ignore the way his body trembled. He tried to ignore—

“I know everything you’re thinking. You shouldn’t be so flippant.” Craig slowly moved his hands up Tweek’s sides. “I suppose you can’t help it. Humans are all the same, driven by desires and devotion.” He leaned inwards near Tweek’s ear, “And you’ve sworn your devotion to me.”

“Ngh...yes.” Tweek ran his hand over Craig’s and their rings clicked together. “Just...just...Don’t do things like that. I’m supposed to be having a conversation with you. I can’t wait till…”

“Till?” Craig whispered. “Till I get back into you.” His hand slid down to Tweek’s thigh, fingering lightly the spot quickly growing against cloth.

Damn… Tweek shifted forward, his erection rubbed against his pants. _Oh fuck_. His breath got caught in his throat. He was barely able to handle last time when Craig fucked him so good. “Please, please, please, please, please. I just want...”

“You want what, babe?”

“I want you now.”

“Yes. Mmm, but tell me _what_ you want from me.”

Tweek was never one to be shy about requests, so he whispered in his ear—“For you to calm down so we can have a conversation.”

“Is that so?” Craig clicked his tongue. “I suppose. But it will be awfully _hard_ for you.”

Tweek felt his face heat up. He couldn’t tell if it was from the tension or the temperature of the room. 

“Do you want to go to our house, honey? I think Stripe is eager to run around his new home.” Craig kissed Tweek on the lips, hot, lazily, and hungry. His voice dipped, and so did his hands, to pull him closer, as if the snuggling they were doing still wasn’t enough. “Come on, let’s go home and spend our anniversary tangled up in our bed.”

* * *

Hot grease popped as it bubbled in the pot, frying up dinner for the day. Tweek had to resist the urge to jump back every time he stuck the tongs in the grease to pull up the freshly made chicken. 

“Gah! You’re watching me, Tricia? You’re not gonna let me get burned.” Tweek dropped the greasy piece of chicken on the napkin covered plate.

“Sure.” Tricia said.

Tweek looked over at the table to see Tricia busy on her phone. “YOU’RE NOT WATCHING SHIT!” He jerked his arm from over the pot. “You’re on that damn phone!”

Tricia flipped him off. “Doing important things.” She used one hand to keep typing. “If you’re gonna stay here, you have to make yourself useful to the cause.”

“About that, how'd you know?” Tweek asked. “I mean, you act like you found out before your parents. You don’t seem bothered.”

“I didn’t always know. I happened to learn of it, when my grandma…” Tricia lifted her gaze to look Tweek in the eyes. “Well every family has some fucked up secret and if you don’t know what it is, you’re probably the secret.”

Tweek nodded.

“I owe this to everyone. I won’t give up on my big brother. But I won’t let you ruin this.” Tricia said.

“I’m not going to. And if I do, I’m just gonna kill myself. Or let the government kill me. Whichever comes first after I've done all I can.” Tweek opened the cabinets. Salt. Pepper. He needed—

“Do you think I’m stupid? I heard you yesterday, screaming like you got your guts fucked out.”

It was weird hearing the word, _yesterday_ instead of _last night,_ if Craig kept up this pissy fit they might never get to see the moon again.

“Appearing in my big brother's most vulnerable moment, that’s smart. Way too smart for you to think of by yourself.”

Tweek slammed the cabinets closed. “Are you accusing me...ngh...of something? Because we didn’t have sex.” It felt so weird telling this to Tricia. Gosh, he’d never live this down. “I couldn’t...ngh... too many pills and twitchy—”

“Good. What Craig desires isn’t what he needs right now.” Tricia said. “He needs someone who’s going to be truthful to him.”

“There’s not much time for that.” Tweek said. If he didn’t find a way to make Craig reach a peace treaty, the government agents would be back. They were just waiting for the right moment to strike. He couldn’t take another raid like what happened in the apartment.

“You’re either with us or against us.” Tricia lowered her middle finger, to use both hands to finish typing.

“Ngh…” Tweek walked back over to the stove, the flame still on high as the grease popped.

“I truly don’t believe Inti wants to hurt people. You know him well, Tweek. Deep down you know that’s true. But Incan mythology is not very kind to Inti, despite being the most loved God, his interest for humans also leads to his betrayal.” Tricia shook her head. “That’s the thing...about Inti. He’s too empathetic to be a God.”

“Craig isn’t...well...wasn’t. He used to be able to push things and hide them real well. It wasn’t healthy for him.”

“Pff, healthy?” Tricia laughed. “And the slow destruction of life as we know it is any better?”

The front door opened and the house started to heat up. “Hey, Tricia, Tweek. Guess who I found mixing things up today?”

Tweek dropped some more chicken into the pot. He already knew who Craig was supposed to ‘ _find’_ he just hoped that Craig found the right person.

“Hi! Long time no see, Tricia.” Nichole waved.

“So that's why you made so much food.” Tricia said.

Tweek could almost feel Tricia staring at him. He cleared his throat, “Ngh...well, crazy? Guess she’s here too.”

Craig entered the kitchen. “You’ve got the house smelling good.”

“I was keeping myself occupied to stop worrying while you were away.”

“No need for worry. I’m an official nationally recognized religion now.” Craig tapped on the cheap paper Burger King as if it was some holy crown.

“Says who?” Tweek asked.

“He’s officially verified on Instagram and Twitter both at four million followers worldwide.” Tricia flipped her phone over to show off his fan page. “Look, now it's four million three hundred thousand.” She pointed at the number.

“You think that makes him a recognized religion? It takes...ngh...government approval for that and he’s like at war against them.” Tweek frowned reading the bio description:

**🔥🔥Sun God Jesus 🔥🔥**

**$100 or 🖕Fuck off🖕**

It was definitely something that Tricia would write.

“So she is your social media manager?” Nichole came closer to get a glance at the tiny phone screen.

“Yes. I have now fully appointed my royal court.” Craig confirmed. “Clyde is my middle man. Token is my client. Butters is my dealer. Tricia is my outreach.” His eyes flickered as if reflecting back on something. “I still need to find a spot for you and Tweek.”

“That sounds more like a shady drug operation than a royal court.” Tweek said.

“Drugs? I’m not sure about that. I give my plasma to those who need it. I will make up for...” Craig paused as if thinking of all the crazy things that had to happen for this moment to take place. “I still have many strongholds. I won’t lose them. You told me, you know of my enemies location.”

“Does it even matter anymore? We have this house. We can sell the gold and opals for a bunch of money.”

“Is something burning? Nichole asked.

“Gah! The chicken.” Tweek reached for the tongs, to pull out the piece of meat. “I should have lowered the heat.” He put the greasy piece on another paper towel covered plate.

“The other pieces look alright.” Nichole said.

“Alright?” Tweek cut his eyes at Tricia. “They would look better if somebody was helping me!”

“Ooo, look at me getting plates to help set the table.” Tricia said dully. She got out her seat to go search the cabinets.

“I’ve been doing everything around here. I haven’t even had time to let Stripe out because I deep cleaned the house with bleach.” Tweek pointed at his head. “Do you know how many brain cells I lost?”

Nichole turned down the heat for the pot of rice before the water boiled over.

“Ngh...thanks.” Tweek handed her a wooden spoon.

“Deep breaths, Tweek. I told Tricia to watch you in the kitchen. I don’t know why she failed to carry out such a simple task.” Craig said. “I will go let Stripe out. I need to send Clyde an email anyway.”

“Tweek is older than me. If anything he should be protecting me.” Tricia said.

“I almost got burned twice!” Tweek showed off his hands. This was why he preferred baking over cooking anyway. The only task was mixing ingredients before popping them into the oven. 

“Yeah, almost. But it didn’t happen.”

“Araaagaaah! You could have at least let Stripe out.”

“I was but then you started talking about, what if Stripe licks bleach or eats tide pods?”

“The tide pod container says keep out of reach of children.”

“Stripe is not even one foot tall, he doesn’t have hands. He’s a guinea pig.”

“He’s our child.”

“Unless there was a tide pod just wasting away on the floor…”

“Shaky. That’s all I’m sayin.”

“You would drop a tide pod on the floor and not pick it up?” Tricia carried four plates over to the table.

Tweek shrugged. “Depends if I can reach it or not.” He placed the plate full of chicken on the table.

“What does that even mean?”

“Sometimes its a dark hole with vibrations on both sides, soft, wet and gushy.”

“Nichole, I’m confused.” Tricia said. “What the fuck is wrong with the wash and dryers, Tweek is using?”

“Shh...just go with it.” Nichole stirred up the rice.

“They’re regular!” Tweek shouted.

“They don’t do that with me.” Tricia said.

“But we used the same…” Tweek darted his eyes over to the laundry room. The door was cracked open, only the sound of the machine was able to be heard as the clothes dried. It might have been his imagination, but through the slender crack he almost swore he saw a...NO! He ran out the kitchen and stood in the living room, listening as the dryer kept right on tumbling the clothes.

Thump.

Thump. Thump. 

“CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAIG!” Tweek ran down the hall and pushed open the bedroom door.

“I told you not to address me as such, human.” Craig spun around in the desk chair. The iridescent glow from the laptop screen reflected off the walls.

“Gah! There’s an emergency!”

“Forgive me. I do not sense any danger.”

“I...I need you to check the...the…” Tweek felt something scurry over his feet. He jumped back, “Gaaaaah! Get it away!”

“Babe, it’s just Stripe.” Craig gestured to Stripes’ open cage.

“Gah...okay. I...I just...something is not right!” Tweek was vaguely aware of his own actions. His eyes were studying Craig, each breath, each movement of his lips, each gesture. Don’t be scared. Not scared. He wasn’t… Craig didn’t like it when he was scared. Why would he be…?

“Are you going to provide clarification, human?” Craig rested an elbow on the chair’s arm and his cheek in his palm. “I suppose you don’t have to. Your very presence excites me.”

“Ex...ex..excites you?” Tweek couldn’t exactly register the last part.

Craig didn’t repeat himself.

“There's something going on in the laundry room!”

“Spies?”

“I don’t know. I would feel better if you checked.” Tweek said.

Craig exited the room. Tweek stole the rolling chair, adjusting it to lean upwards and face the ceiling.

He couldn’t stand things as they were now.

His life was a mess; now it was spilling out and ruining other people’s.

He spun around in the chair, watching the gray painted walls, mirror, wall, door, wall, dresser, desk, mirror, wall, door...everything was here. Everything he wanted. They could decorate the walls in time. They could hang up new pictures and fix things up nicely just like their old apartment.

He felt a little smile slip on his face. Yes. They would fix up everything. The backyard needed a little work and there was no telling where he’d put those mesoamerican statues. It would be fun to start a garden or farm or whatever, he always wanted to grow his own food for the coffee shop.

An alert came from the computer. Tweek snapped out of his day dream at the thought. He turned to face the computer.

 **Re:** **_To War_ ** ( **Aka- Battle plan like used in COD Warzone** )

 **Sun God Jesus <** [ **ctucker809@gmail.com** ](mailto:ctucker@my.hshawkuichshler.edu) **>**

 **To: Clyde Don-stop-in-her <** [ **cdonovan411@gmail.com** ](mailto:Registar@my.hshawkuichshler.edu) **>**

**Yooooo,**

**U, gonna b like:**

**Target—ur ass.**

**Sights—locked on.**

**Aimed.**

**Charged. Ready.**

**They finna b:**

**Oh my god.** **(┛✧Д✧))┛彡┻━┻** **He’s in x-games mode.** **︵ヽ(◉Д◉)ﾉ彡** **X-ƃɐɯǝs ɯopǝ**

Tweek reread the email twice. Welp, if the government wanted him to learn some kind of secret plan Craig had, they were fucked because if Clyde was calling the shots anything was liable to happen. Clyde was the most random person, Tweek knew.

He exited the conversation, scrolling down some more of Craig’s emails. Craig didn’t seem to save many, only five open threads, most of them from Tweek. But one did catch Tweek’s eye, the subject line had the name of the college Craig used to attend. He opened the email. 

The email was old with a timestamp in the corner dating back a few years.

**Re: Urgent: Hardship Withdrawal Request**

**1 message**

**Craig Tucker <** [ **ctucker809@my.hshawkuichshler.edu** ](mailto:ctucker@my.hshawkuichshler.edu) **>**

 **To: Registar <** [ **Registar@my.hshawkuichshler.edu** ](mailto:Registar@my.hshawkuichshler.edu) **>**

**Hello,**

**These past few months have been a hard time for me. Recently, my grandmother, who was the backbone of my family, passed away due to phenomena. I was in such a shock, I was unable to bring myself to drive over to campus. I tried to do online classes, but found it hard to put myself in the right mindset to learn. My husband began taking new medication for his anxiety, which helped, but the dosage level did more harm than good. I couldn’t focus on learning because I was worried about him. He’d come off work at 5pm and I’d have to watch him make dinner and help clean, after I spent the day watching over our newly adopted 1 month old son. It was just really stressful for me to juggle school work at home. Also financially, I wasn’t aware the cost of taking online classes had gone up due to covid. My grandma funded most of my college experience besides my parent plus loans, without her there’s no money to pay my student breakdown bill. I will pay the remaining balance for this semester out my own pocket, since financially no outside loan dealer will approve me. Hopefully, in the future I will return back to earn my degree.**

**Thank you for considering my full withdrawal from the university. I provided medical documents and other records in the attachments below.**

Tweek felt a pair of eyes watching over his shoulder and looked up from the computer. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I checked in the laundry room. Everything is fine.” Craig said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Tweek asked, a little louder this time.

“Tricia finished setting everything up, so let’s go eat.”

“Stop ignoring my question!” Tweek jerked forward in the chair, rolling a bit away from the computer desk.

“I don’t care. Let’s go eat.” Craig grabbed the rolling chair as if ready to roll Tweek out the room and to the table if he had to. 

Tweek couldn’t believe this. He couldn’t…he was going to… “Gah! How am I supposed to know when you don’t say anything!” He spun around to face him.

Craig spun him right back around to face forward. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does!” Tweek jammed his foot near the base so it couldn’t spin back.

Craig exited the few open tabs on the laptop.

“You said you dropped out of school because—”

“I did. They were all factors.”

Tweek had never felt more guilty in his life. “You should have told me. I could have done better. I could have helped.”

“Helped? There wasn’t anything you could fix.” Craig spoke slowly, lifting his head to meet Tweek’s eyes. “I choose to drop out. I choose you and Stripe...my family.” He glanced back at the laptop—the home screen a picture of them at the carnival. “Every decision I made was because I wanted to. It’s my life, this is how I choose to live it.”

“Yes. But we were...ngh...everyone was so proud of you. You were living your dream! You were going to be an aerospace engineer. I never asked you to give that up!” Tweek threw up his hands.

Craig blinked, his expression vacant.

Tweek felt his eyebrows knit together as his stomach twisted up. “I...I didn’t...did I? I would never…” He heard his voice crack a bit. “I would never ask you to do something so selfish.” He just hoped…He thought about how he begged Craig not to leave him and join the military. Oh God...he couldn’t have. “Then not like you would have listened to me! Gah! You know sometimes when I take my medicine I’m not in the right mind, twitchy and stuff.”

“I know.” Craig said.

“I didn’t do it. Tell me...tell me I didn’t do it.” Tweek didn’t know where the sudden need for confirmation came from. He reached for Craig’s hand. “I love you, Craig. I want to be nothing but your biggest supporter. I...I know I get really...ngh…”

“How could I remember what you did years ago?” Craig pulled his hand back. “Not like it can be changed.” He slammed the laptop closed. “You never gave me a reason to regret anything I did, don’t give me one now.”

“Craig, I’m so sorry.” Tweek croaked. He watched Craig brush past him to exit the room.

There was nothing left to say. Sorry wouldn’t fix it. Sorry wasn’t going to help. All this time, Craig had been keeping this locked up inside him. Every phone call, every smile, every touch, was all done with the knowledge of completing such a trade.

He thought about Tricia’s words earlier, _“That’s the thing...he’s too empathetic to be a God.”_ But how was that fair? Why was that fair? Craig either had to die or be some stone cold emotionless freak for the rest of his life? For the sake of humanity...the world…?

Tweek hated that idea. He hated how fleeing Craig’s smiles and laughter would be. He wanted to protect Craig’s happiness—him and Stripe. His family.

* * *

_**Sun God Je— Craig** _

The stained glass window for _Tweek Bros Coffee_ was replaced with the help of a generous donation from Token on Nichole’s behalf. The nice fingerprint free and undamaged glass seemed to allow even more light into the coffee shop.

“I don’t understand why you swayed Token into replacing it.” The God tapped at his face mask. It wasn’t like the view outside was another other than rubble and ash.

“This place is going to belong to Tweek some day.” Nichole slumped back in her seat. “Plus isn’t this supposed to be your temple or something? I’ve never seen a church look so drab.”

“Ngh...good thing we fixed it before my dad came! He would have lost his shit!” Tweek walked over to Nichole’s table. “I really...ngh...thanks.” He handed her the drink. “It’s on the house.”

“Tweek! Can you help me finish icing the cupcakes?” Mrs.Tweak asked.

“Coming, mom!” Tweek sighed, his face mask expanding out a bit. “Y’all better make sure each person eats these cupcakes. I never made 500 cupcakes before in my life.”

“Hehe, well I know I’m going to eat like 3 of em.” Nichole pulled down her face mask to take a sip of her drink.

“You better not! Gah! You’re just sitting on your ass!”

“But I’m the one delivering them!” Nichole laughed.

Tweek slowly backed away and pointed two fingers back and forth between them, as if warning he’d be watching her sticky fingers. 

The God felt a smile tug on his lips. Ever since Tweek returned to work at the coffee shop, the food had been tasting better. He guessed having Tweek around really boosted Mrs. Tweak’s morale. She stopped keeping herself busy and actually seemed to be enjoying her time at work.

“Token has also been very kind in funding the coffee shop for all the food and drinks they produce for my followers.” The God said.

“He’ll support you all the way.” Nichole rested both hands on her cup of coffee.

“ _Mi amigo._ ”

“Yes.”

“Much like you and Tweek.” The God could just barely recall past memories of Token, Clyde, and Jimmy. Most of them were blurry, yet the idea of them brought him great joy. “It would hurt them to know, my memory fails much of our past adventures.”

“Nah. Clyde would be like,” Nichole gave her best impression, “Hey, dude, even if this eye disease takes away your memories. We’re gonna make a bunch of new ones! That old shit won’t be like nothing compared to the stuff we can get into now, we’re young dumb and 21 years old!”

The God laughed, loud and booming. “That is something Clyde would say. He’d be grinning the whole time too.” He reached for his phone. “Do it again. I want to record a video to retain my memory.”

“Your phone!” Nichole leaned over the golden arm rest and tapped on Craig’s photo gallery. She scrolled up to a few pictures taken years ago. “These are clues to your memories. Not just the bad ones that you’re having now, where everyone conned you and ruined your life. Growing up we were all really happy kids.”

The God looked at the photos, the dates above them were from 20xx, long before he knew about his powers and some of the dates were from after his first awakening in Peru. There were pictures of him at the beach with Token and him covering Clyde in sand. In another picture Clyde was groping his sand boobs and Jimmy was giving a thumbs up. Another— Clyde’s birthday party. A selfie with Token, Jimmy, Clyde, all making silly faces. One picture must have been taken by someone else, because it was of him and Tweek sharing a milkshake. Then a picture of him and Tweek ice skating. There was even one of Tweek and Nichole posing like for a Vogue cover.

“These pictures bring me happiness. I remember that summer beach vacation.” The God said.

“If the world gets destroyed, it will be a long time before we can have fun times like this again.” Nichole kept clicking on pictures. “A video!” She clicked play.

The screen changed to the hallway of South Park high school: Tweek was calmly sipping his coffee beside him, before Clyde ran down the hall with a dinosaur head on. “ **ROOOAAAAR OUR SCIENCE PROJECT IS GONNA BE THE BEST!** ” Tweek jumped back, his coffee falling to the floor. “ **Arraaaaagaaah! Jurassic park has finally happened in real life! And everyone said I was crazy!** ” He slung his fist forward. The camera angle started going crazy. He heard his own voice, **“No, Tweek, babe! It’s just Clyde.”** Clyde was getting beat to a pulp and making sad dinosaur sounds. **“RAWAAAR Craig! Help! RAWR XD!** ” The video ended.

The God found it amusing. But there was that name again: Craig. He wasn’t sure, if it was his own or if it ever was. “I was still called Craig. Craig was a very happy person, then. Not me.”

“Listen either you’re Craig or not. Alright?” Nichole handed him his phone back. “You’re you. Not your parents, not your grandma, whatever… fuck them. You have a bunch of people who love you. They don’t love a name. Names are just placeholders, a label describing the contents inside, to make it easier to appreciate.” 

“Tweek and his mother still call me Craig Tucker. Even Clyde was rather insistent upon calling me Craig.” The God shook his head. “If names don’t matter why do they press that one upon me?”

“We’ve all been calling you Craig for a little less than 21 years. You grew up with it. You are it. But it doesn’t make you. You wanna play God now? That’s fine.” Nichole pointed at him. “But you told me you wanted to be a God that Tweek's words wouldn’t hurt. In that case, you should just be yourself.”

The God supposed that made sense. It made sense in a more simplistic human way.

“Thank you.” He said. “It’s because of things like that, I’ve managed to survive for so long. Gods gain their power...their right to existence from humans that never give up on them. Humans that always believe in them, even in the darkest hour.”

“Well, you're the first God I ever met who came to earth.” Nichole smiled. “You’re pretty alright, Inti.”

* * *

Humans easily lost track of who they were. Or no, it's more like humans have to find themselves over and over again, because people change and who they could trust changed, who they loved changed, and who they forgave changed with each betrayal. A cycle that went around and around again.

The God wasn’t sure if he could get a complete understanding of such a mind set. How easy was it for them to break? How easy was it for _him_ to break?

“Ngh...Craig?” Tweek picked up another pillow from the floor. “Can you please help me search?” He threw it onto the bed. “I can’t find Stripe anywhere.”

“You check the living room?” The God lifted his head, to check beside the bed.

“Gah! I don’t think Stripe could make it by himself.”

“I remember we let him out before you went to work. I was with Nichole and my other followers. Nobody else was in the house. He has to be here.”

“I’ve been searching for about ten...ngh...minutes. He usually comes when we call him!”

The God stood up and double checked the empty cage. There wasn’t even a sign of Stripe hiding in his little plastic hut. “Maybe he still gets lost around here. This house is much bigger than our old little apartment.”

Tweek nodded. “He must be hungry by now. I’m gonna try and lure him out with food!” He opened the walk-in closet door.

The phone on the nightstand vibrated. The God grabbed it. Kenny? What did he want? He should just let it buzz.

A text message came.

**Kenny: Answer the phone.**

Oh, he was definitely not going to answer it now.

**Kenny: They have him.**

The God almost cracked the screen with his monstrous strength as he answered the call. “EXPLAIN YOURSELF!”

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, man. Tweek was supposed to secure a treaty. Nichole insisted, everything was gonna turn out okay.” Kenny said.

“WHO HAS MY SON?”

“Cartman said something about getting an idea from Butters. He and your mom, they entered the house when no one was around and took him.”

The God almost shot lasers through the roof. The only thing that stopped him was Tweek coming out the closet with a bag of guinea pig food.

“Gah! Who has Stripe?” Tweek panicked. “I bet...no! I told them I would take care of everything.” He grabbed the phone. “I TOLD YOU I WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT!”

Kenny’s voice got so loud, he could hear even without the call on speaker phone. “Well you didn’t! YOU DIDN’T TAKE CARE OF JACK SHIT! ALL YOU DID WAS CODDLE AND BOOST SUN GOD JESUS EGO!”

“ARAAAGAAHHH! GIVE BACK STRIPE!”

“I bet if you were as assertive in your conversation with Itawjah! WE WOULDN’T BE IN THIS SITUATION!”

The God snatched the phone back. “Kenny, fuck you. I mean it, fuck you and your dick bag crew. Dragging Stripe into this?” He heard his own voice crack. Hit ‘em where it hurts. Take something that...someone that...He should have just brought Stripe along with them. He was just trying to keep everyone safe.

“It wasn’t my idea. I’m just the messenger. I told Tricia and she’s already on her way.”

“WHY’D YOU TELL HER?”

“No more games, man. The government is going to kill you. This is your last chance for me to try and help. Please,” Kenny sounded desperate. “This started with me. This will end with me. You know where I’ll be, in the gas station parking lot where it all began. If not, you have 24 hours to turn yourself in.”

“I’m shooting on sight. You get that, right? I’m gonna kill you!”

“If that is what it takes, I’ll let you kill me over and over again. It’s not like I’ll actually die. You’re not the God who gave me my powers, Itawjah. If anything with the relic, I could...” Kenny sighed. “It will just hurt really fucking bad. It will hurt my heart even more.”

The call ended.

“I’m coming with you.” Tweek was already back in the closet, probably grabbing his shoes. “They mess with Stripe, they mess with the both of us.”

“Someone needs to watch the house so they don’t take more shit.” The God resisted the urge to slam the phone down.

“Nichole is...ngh...trustworthy.”

“Oh really? Because Kenny said something about the two of you conspiring with the government!”

“I don’t blame you for being mad at me. I did some really messed up stuff.” Tweek stepped out the closet, one shoe half on and the other foot with just a sock. “I just wanted to help you...ngh...help us. But this whole time, no matter how many times I got frustrated, you kept trying to get new jobs and provide for—“

“Silence, human.”

“You didn’t hesitate to give up things you wanted for those who you care about.” Tweek glanced at the laptop still resting on the nightstand. “You were always so selfless.”

“Don’t spit out another cheap apology.”

“I’m not!” Tweek faced the floor. He wiggled his toes as if thinking about when Stripe scampered over them. “I...just...I just should have known someone like you was too unrealistic. That...that my Craig was a God. I know I can never truly repent for my past sins, but I hope you know it’s not like that.”

“All I know is, somebody took Stripe!” The God felt the house start to shake. He didn’t understand why everyone couldn’t leave him alone. Why wouldn’t they just let him kill those assholes? How dare everyone act all benevolent in the face of a God. He’d crush them. HE’D CRUSH THEM ALL! “They took him. He doesn't understand what’s happening, he’s scared, he’s mad! He—“

“He sounds like you.” Tweek said.

The God felt the house stop shaking the same time his heart dropped to his stomach.

“Everyone is worried about your slowly declining mental state right now. _Please_ , just...just take a step back and look at the situation. Get some distance, ya know? I feel like everything is out of my control everyday. But you taught me to accept that and fix what I can.” Tweek ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Right now, I can fix the fact Stripe is gone by bringing him back home.”

“Feeling?” The God shook his head. “You are mistaken. I simply am. I am the controller of the sun. I am one of the many Gods of this universe. I feel little things, but they do not amount to power.”

“Well...ngh...to me, those brief feelings of so-called-little-things have a lot of power. They affect your...ngh...brain and thought process.” Tweek grabbed his face mask. “They help you remember good times that give you something to live for.”

The God didn’t understand. What was there to be happy about without a dollar to his name? Or without a name to even bear as his own? What was life other than a memory marked by picture or video? All he could do was blink owlishly like some absolute idiot while Tweek’s expression started to fade, sadness replacing it.

“Before I was a Tucker, I was a Tweak. If there is one thing the family is good for, it’s making coffee.” Tweek pulled a mask over his nose and mouth. “No matter what I’m getting Stripe back.”

This what it’s come too, huh? The God couldn’t help but feel that the stars were such cruel leaders of fate. But those assholes taking Stripe, that was unforgivable. He’d kill everyone they’d ever loved. That would show them! That would teach them! He clenched a fist over his heart. It would—

“And then,” Tweek grabbed his hand. “Please consider, running away somewhere and living a nice and boring life. I know I was opposed to it before, but if these people...gah...greedy assholes, really bother you that much, I’ll leave with you. You, Stripe, and me! We can go back to life before this madness.” He pressed the hot hand against his face, his cheeks heating as he seemed to no longer fear the dangerous sun’s rays. “Gah! Nichole, Tricia, Clyde, Token and me, we accept you like this, emotions, powers—”

“I won’t be satisfied until I rid this world of every last greedy asshole.” The God felt a cruel grin slip on his face as a dry laugh left his lips. He caught sight of himself in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize those cold glowing blue eyes as his own. “Only then will everything be able to return to nice and boring.”


	10. You tell me that you're sad inside; I'm sad that I can't satisfy. Yeah, pray that I get it right this time... Maybe we'll be alright.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Craig.” The God said. “All my memories are of being your Craig. That’s all the ones that matter to me.” He watched Stripe stick his head out from between them. Stripe looked back and forth, as if trying to figure out what was happening. “I love you, Tweek. The time we spend together and with our friends is what makes me cherish this form.” He felt more hands wrap around them.
> 
> “Did someone call for a group hug?” Clyde squeezed them from behind.
> 
> “You sweat like a pig, man.” Token elbowed Clyde to back off a bit.
> 
> “Heh, ya know I thought Tweek was overreacting but this heat is no joke, Craig.” Nichole sounded like she was squashed between them.
> 
> “My big brother really is warm like the sun.” Tricia said.
> 
> Craig sandwiched his friends together. Tweek, Stripe, Nichole, Clyde, Tricia, Token...all of them. He hugged them with all his Godly strength. He never wanted to let go of them, never wanted to let go of this feeling in his chest. Sweet bliss. Joy. Relief. Safety.

**Tweek**

The unmistakable smell of smoke, choking and thick, filled Tweek’s lungs. He watched the people outside the coffee shop door—victims, as they wheezed and gasped, their flesh engulfed in flames.

If he could save them.... Red’s voice echoed in his head, “ _You’d be a hero.”_ Heroism for the price of betrayal. How could he ever hurt a man who’d given him nothing but happiness all his life? How could he ever hurt a man who’d destroy the world for the sake of his friends and family?

A sick twisted delusion.

“Tweek, can you move this for me?”

Tweek turned his attention away from the massacre, pushing down a sound he distinctly recognized as Wendy’s screams. He put a smile on his face, to see his mother and Nichole hard at work cleaning up the coffee shop.

“I need these boxes more near the back, so when the customers come in it will be easier to move around.” His mother pointed at the stack. “It’s always hard to tell if we’ll have a rush, these days.” She poured some beans into the coffee grinder. “Luckily your father is in the back. I think he’s counting inventory.”

“I got it.” Tweek went to lift a few up. The boxes were heavy, but he’d do anything to distract himself from reality. Reality, the inescapable truth—something he was slowly coming to terms with, how wrong he was about himself.

In the end, he was just like his parents.

He did it time and time again didn’t he? He turned a blind eye to everyone suffering because of his actions.

Tweek carried the box to the back and set it down.

Nichole crossed her arms, “Do you think this will work?”

“I don’t know.” Tweek wasn’t sure of anything anymore. He’d liked to blame it on learned behavior. He did his best! He tried to get Craig to listen to him!

“Well, Red said she’s on her way regardless.” Nichole said.

Tweek brushed past her to get another box.

“Hey, did you hear what I said?”

Tweek grabbed a cup of coffee from the counter and chugged it. He couldn’t remember the last time he drank meth in his coffee. There was the kick...the _rush!_

“What is with you?”

“Gah! Why do you care?” Tweek slammed the empty cup down and wiped his mouth. “We did all we could! If this doesn’t work, we have to do nothing but face the consequences.”

That was right. Just like his mother did, when she married his dad. Tweek would learn to accept Craig’s ways—for the sake of, love? His mother had said, _“Love in fairy tales isn't realistic. I don’t believe there is such a thing as a perfect marriage.”_ That was right. Love took time and hard work, even then sometimes things didn’t work out.

“You told me you wanted to save Craig and stop his rampage.” Nichole said.

“They took Stripe...our child from us.” Tweek swallowed down tears. “Once we get him back, I’ll focus on the task at hand.”

“It's the same task. The same plan. Don’t flake out.” 

“I’m not! I...I just have been thinking about some things, okay? Craig told me some things...I probably shouldn’t over think it. Ngh.”

“Just focus on screwing it to them, alright? If you overthink it, you’ll get all panicky and shaky again.” Nichole patted his head as if to calm the storm of his thoughts.

Tweek heard a sound, he knew it so well—Craig groaning, but it slowly turned into a snarl. A sound he never quite heard before, it's more animalistic than Godly.

“Attention humans! Opening up your heart to salvation will allow you to be spared.” Craig’s voice boomed. “I do not wish to hurt any innocent souls. My followers shall not want for a single thing, I swear to it. I only wish that you devote yourself to my cause and continue to hunt down the forsaken ones. Bring them to me, dead or alive! I’ll be at the gas station, waiting!” 

More screaming rang out in the air.

Tweek cringed, closing his eyes as he picked up another box. He wanted to will the sounds away, even if that meant Craig breaking their neck or smashing their head to silence their dying cries.

Heh, when he stopped to think about it, there was no way Red would even make it to the coffee shop alive.

The sound of a helicopter that had been circling overhead seemed to grow nearer.

“That’s probably her now. I’ll let Clyde make sure she's not hostile.” Nichole tapped away on her phone.

Of course, she would take a helicopter.

Tweek set the box down on top of the other room in the storage room. Red and her teammates were the last people he wanted to see right now, but talking then was probably the quickest way to get Stripe back. Still at the same time… “I hope Craig blows up her chopper.” 

“Tweek!” His mom glanced up from sweetening the freshly brewed coffee. “Your father and I raised you to treat everyone with respect.”

“Red is the disrespectful one! SHE...SHE...YOU DON’T EVEN WHAT SHE DID! HOW ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME TO—” Tweek heard the familiar bell ringing from the entrance. He looked up to see Clyde walking in first, followed by Red and two SWAT members. He quickly grabbed another box. “She helped take away Stripe from us.” He mumbled.

His mother let out a sad hum. It was almost like she understood the pain in his words.

“Hey, can we get some coffee over here?” Red drummed her fingers on the front counter. 

Clyde took a seat at a table. The two other guys appeared to have their sights glued on him, just waiting for him to step out of line. Clyde shrugged, his find seemed elsewhere as if focusing on other things.

She raised the briefcase in the air. “Nichole, I brought the relic and ditched the other four maniacs as requested. But I fail to see where you made any progress containing the Sun God.”

Nichole’s eyes widened slightly. “Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean we didn’t make an impact.”

“Ngh.” Tweek carried the box to the back of the shop. He set it down closer to the shelf full of espresso. It was quieter in the storage room. Better for his heart. 

He swallowed dryly, trying to keep his hands from shaking. He couldn’t even look Red in the face back there...she wasn’t the same person she was when she came into the coffee shop weeks ago. So much changed this summer.

He didn’t worry though. He guessed that the government was going to put everyone out of their misery soon. The guy said killing the Sun God would lead to the end of all life on earth. Spear to the neck. Supernova. Pretty scientific exactly like the prophecy predicted.

“Something on your mind, son?”

Tweek jerked his head up. He had forgotten that his father was counting inventory in the back. 

Richard tapped on his clipboard. His eyes narrowed as if he was about to give him a stern lecture.

“Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.” Tweek sank to his knees. “I found a dealer and fucked up my life just the way you both wanted me too.” He helped create Craig into what he was now. Craig was still the man, he loved with all his heart. Craig was the only one he ever… He took a long breath. “Only fitting it ends this way...ngh...”

Richard tugged on his face mask. “Did the cops really get to you that badly? You didn’t crack, right? You didn’t tell them the family secret di—“

“Why are you still asking about that?” Tweek began to pull at his hair. “All you have to say to me is small family business this, family secret that! Gah! I wish I never fucking knew it so I wouldn’t be in a crappy situation like this.” He stopped pulling and sighed.

“You’ll understand once you control the family business.” Richard said. “How long is college again? When I was your age, I was bustin’ my ass to pull my weight in the business.” 

“I won’t...no one...Gaaaah! I HATE IT HERE! No one in this place ever listens to me!” Tweek couldn’t go anywhere to peace and quiet. He couldn’t do anything around here without stuff just getting wrecked. Everyone only half-way listened and thought what they wanted. “This is the END, dad!” He stood up and pointed at him. “The government will shut us down. It’s OVER.” 

“But Craig—”

“The government will stop him too. There’s no way out of this one!”

Richard stared at him, blank faced as if his mind refused to accept they were back into a corner. “Craig is still out there fighting. That’s the true Tweak spirit. If he keeps going there has to...has to be…” He patted Tweek’s shoulder. “Who told you that there’s no way out?”

Who told him? The world! Reality! Tweek gestured to the bags full of meth to allow his father to get a good look at the source of their problems—drugs that started it; drugs would end it. “Unlike you and mom, I employ common sense and know about the world around me! Ngh...it’s time to give up. If we all just stop now, things won’t get worse.”

“Get worse?” Richard raised his brows, and lowered his hands to his sides. “Do you know what the Tweak family does, when things get wo—“

A blood curdling scream was heard from the front lobby.

Tweek jumped to attention. “Mom!” He pushed open the double doors, leaped over the front counter, and grabbed a broom. He held the broom like a bat, ready to smash someone’s head in. “Don’t touch my—MOM?”

His mother was pouring the scalding hot pot of fresh coffee on top of Red’s head. The liquid spilled down her face leaving burns on her forehead, cheeks, and neck. It dripped down on her clothes, some drops fell on the sticky table, soaking the paper documents and napkins.

“Mrs.Tw—” Nichole seemed visibly worried, but too in shock to stop her. She backed away from the table, unwilling to let the scorching hot liquid burn her as well.

“Don’t ever mess with my family.” His mother finished emptying the last drops of coffee to make Red’s face look as red as her hair. Then she leaned forward, just enough for her to pull down her face mask to reveal her pissed off expression. “You over cocky little bitch.” She slapped the heavy glass coffee pot across Red’s face.

Red got knocked out right out the chair and to the floor. She kept screaming as if she was too enraged to say or do anything else.

The two members of the SWAT team jumped into action. They pulled out their guns, and his mother kicked her leg up to send one weapon flying into the air.

Tweek watched his dad run past him. Richard pushed him to the side. “Watch it.”

BANG.

BANG.

“This is a family coffee shop. Do not pull those out around here.” His mother smoothed out her dress. She didn’t even flinch as more shots were fired.

BANG.

Richard caught the gun and aimed it at the other armed guy’s head. “You’re going to scare away all our money.”

The SWAT guy looked ready to say something, but Richard fired the gun twice. The first bullet straight at his neck and the second at his brain.

“D-dad?” Tweek sputtered out.

“Don’t worry. How is he gonna breathe when I shot him in the neck?” Richard turned the gun on the other guy who was wrestling with Clyde. He pulled the trigger, multiple times.

Clyde let out what kinda sounded like a prayer mix with a scream. He ducked, managing to break free as a bullet hit the SWAT man in the arm. He scrambled to hide under a table. “Tweek your parents are so badass!”

“Language, Clyde.” His mother reminded him.

“Sorry, Mrs. Tweak!” Clyde covered his head. “I need to find a weapon.”

“Knives in the back.” His mother said, sweetly.

Clyde barreled rolled out from under the table to try and dodge the gun fire.

“Wh-what about..gah...the coffee shop?” Tweek could count the number of bullet holes in the walls and the broken windows. He pointed around, then he grabbed his mother’s hand. “Mom, be careful!” He pulled her back as Red tried to yank her to the floor.

“I’ve got your back, Mrs. Tweak!” Nichole stomped her foot down on Red’s hand.

Red let out another painful screech. Nichole dug her heel into her fingers, as if wanting to hear the satisfying sound of them being crunched into little pieces.

“Thank you, Nichole!” Tweek led his mother to a chair to sit down in. She crossed her legs and smiled, as if numb to the violence occurring around her. He grabbed a few napkins. “Here, mom. You should get the blood off your face before the cops come.”

“Cops? Oh don’t worry about me, Tweek.” She took the napkins and dabbed the blood from her cheek. “Go help your friends.” 

“Help? I mean...everyone is still trying but even if we beat these people, more will come for us. I’ve already accepted that I’d rather aid Craig’s destruction than betray him! Even if that means…”

“Save the pity speech.” Nichole kicked the briefcase out from Red’s table. “You always say that you’re not smart, Tweek. You _always_ say that you’re pathetic and incapable of performing certain tasks, but I don’t think that’s true! I think you accept things people do and say because you give up too easily!”

Red yanked Nichole downwards by her hair. She scrambled over her to try and grab the briefcase. 

“Didn’t you say, you’d never be afraid to fight _for_ Craig? Doesn’t that also mean fighting against him, when he’s wrong?” Nichole pulled on Red’s long hair, relentlessly like she was holding back a mad dog from attacking.

“Even if you kill me and destroy all the video evidence, bold of you to assume all that information isn’t backed up in secure servers.” Red sneered.

“We’ll destroy everything then.” Nichole twisted Red’s arm backward. “Well, Craig’s going to anyway.”

Red let out a yelp. “Ouch! I should have known you crazy people couldn’t be reasoned with.” She squirmed, trying to reach for her gun. “You’re all brainwashed and in that goddamn cult!”

“You can only do so much to help Craig see the errors of his ways. If he chooses to remain ignorant that’s fine. But the worst thing you can do…No.” Nichole knitted her eyebrows together. “The worst thing we can all do as his friends, is say we love and care about Craig, then give up on him!” She grit her teeth. “NEITHER OF US ARE THAT KIND OF PERSON!”

Clyde grabbed a knife, slicing upwards at an armed guard. “You got that, right! Craig’s my best bro!”

“My Craig.” Tweek felt his body move without another thought. He grabbed the briefcase, even with the layers of protection he could feel the relics power. “I won’t forgive anyone who hurts my Craig.”

Red let out a deranged screech. “GET HIM!”

“Kidnapping my grandson and attacking my son?” Richard changed the target of his gun. “Are you sure you’re not the crazy one here?”

“All you people are crazy morons. All that meth has corrupted your brain!” Red tried to stand, but Nichole slapped her back down. She struggled as Nichole held her body down. Her soaked strands of hair, stuck to her sticky burned skin, highlighting the crazed frantic look in her eye. “You’d trade the sake of the world for a delusional false God!”

“Huh?” His mother tilted her head to the side. “I thought we were trading the world for Craig.” She pointed out the broken window, a bright blue beam of light flashed outside. “That’s my son-in-law, he’s quite the contractor if you’ve noticed.”

Clyde slit the last SWAT member’s neck. He fell to the ground silently, a few inches from his partner. “We need to get to Craig. I’ll call Token now that we have the relic, we’ll keep in motion the rest of the plan.”

Red’s pupils frantically dashed around. “They’ll notice when I’m not back. They’ll send more! You can’t beat them!”

“Maybe...but, _you_ lose, Red.” Nichole slammed her head against the floor. She lifted up Red’s head and pounded it back into the title, again, again, and again.

“Oh, Nichole...what a fine young woman you turned out to be. I hope some of your skills rub off on my son.” His mother said, almost endearingly.

“Thank you, Mrs.Tweak. I try to teach him the best I can.” Nichole hammered Red’s head back into the tile one last time, to ensure her body went limp. “I’m not much a fan of murder though.”

“I can finish the job.” His mother picked up the blood stained coffee pot from the table. 

“You see, son.” Richard switched the gun back on safety. “The Tweak family gets worse when the world goes to shit.” He calmly walked over to his wife, checking to make sure she was okay. He fixed her face mask. “It’s a very profitable business model. You’ll learn soon.”

Tweek looked at all the blood and bullet holes on the walls. It was just like the apartment. His worst memory all over again. But he wasn’t scared this time. He felt relieved? It was the same...same as it ever was...He felt his body start trembling.

Nichole put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re the only one who can get close enough to save Craig.” She lifted the briefcase closer to his chest as if encouraging him to hold on to it with his life. “You know what you have to do, but whatever you choose, we’ll be behind you 100% and more.”

* * *

 **_Sun God Jes_ ** _—_ **_Craig_ **

The last time he was in this parking lot, he was a lowly cashier who had gotten fired from his job. He was so more now. Something much much much more powerful. He walked past the gas pumps, the ‘ **No Smoking’** sign on the door now hung half-way off, and the homeless man was cowering under his cardboard house to shield himself from the sun’s mighty rays.

The God clenched his fist. He recognized Kenny’s truck from anywhere. It took a lot of restraint not to knock a good baseball sized hole into the windows.

“Itawjah,” Kenny opened the driver side door and stepped out. “Glad you made it.” 

“Where’s my son?”

“He should be the least of your worries, right now.” Kenny took a long hit, blowing out smoke from his nostrils. “I mean with all this heat. I can’t even wear my trusty old jacket. That’s my biggest concer—hey! Don’t walk away!”

“I came here for one reason only.” He felt the pressure in his eyes increase, “Now hand over Stripe before you die.”

“That’s right isn’t it? You can’t kill me before you know where Stripe is. Hmp, I guess that worked out.” Kenny flashed a grin, shoving his hands in his radgy jean pockets. It was like he didn’t even bother wearing that face mask given to him. It was like he didn’t bother with anything.

“Is life just a joke to you?” The God snapped. “You don’t care about other people! You cheat on Butters like you don’t care about the people who care about you! We were supposed to be friends...business partners, but you screwed me over! Tweek was right, you are my lowest point!”

“It’s not like that at all.” Kenny tossed his blunt to the ground. “I just smile because it’s a nice thing to do. A smile usually puts a smile on other people’s faces.”

“Does it look like I want to smile?”

“It looks like you need to.”

He zapped the ground near Kenny’s feet.

“Watch the Nikes!” Kenny jumped back. “I came here to make a proposal.” He reached into his car, then came back out with a checkbook and a pen. “Name your price.”

“I can’t put a price on Stripe’s life.”

“The pet store can, so name your price.” Kenny clicked the pen in his hand. “How about a hundred dollars? This started with that Peruvian flute band investment. So I guess that plus interest…”

“This is about Stripe! Not the flute band. You can’t loop those two together.” He zapped the checkbook to ashes. “Now hand over Stripe before I start lasering off body parts.”

Kenny crushed the ashes in his fist. “Ah...goddamn it.” His brown eyes seemed to glare through his unkempt blonde bangs. He made a pissed off almost grunting noise, “Why does it always come to this?”

The God takes a step back, before Kenny’s foot windmills into his jaw. It’s like before, when everything reverted to space time. Earth, with all her creatures, seemed to slow, such an dull planet in comparison to the bigger things in the universe, the much _faster_ things. He dodged left, right, duc—Why did he taste blood?

“Eyes up!” Kenny’s fist smacked his nose, again.

Oh. He felt it this time.

The ashes in Kenny’s hands, sprayed around like pepper falling from the shaker. They landed on his body, and it felt like a wasp stinging him, over and over. He grabbed his right arm, suppressing a howl of pain.

“What the fuck was that checkbook?”

“You keep your eyes up. You’ve always done that, like you’re looking at the sun instead of what’s right in front of you.” Kenny kept throwing punches with his words. His footwork was good, evidence of all the fights he’d gotten into when they were younger. His punches were sloppy but when they hit...

“Fuck!” He grit his teeth to push through the pain. His body retracted, as it started changing like before—learning, becoming more stronger. A nagging ache and a headache made him groan.

“Every time you make the same dumb, choice.” Kenny pulled back and spit to the side. “Why? What can I possibly not understand!” He danced on the balls of his feet, bouncing up and down on the asphalt. “Your motives...don’t logically make any sense.”

“I already explained everything I plan to.” The God narrowed his eyes. He couldn’t even tell if he got a hit or two on Kenny. He figured he didn’t or else Kenny wouldn’t still be talking shit. “I just came here to get...to..get…” He felt his brain draw a blank.

What did he come here to get? No… Who? He came here...for somebody?

“With each attack more Godly, right?” Kenny grinned, raising his bloody knuckles to protect his face. “Even if that means forgetting about the ones you love the most.” He sounded almost as if he pitied him. “What a sad exchange.”

“Shut up.” The God raised his hand, a symbol formed in his palm. He could feel the sun bending to his will, channeling his power. “You know nothing.” He lowered his hand and zapped the ground around Kenny.

“What are you going to do now that you have all these feelings, Craig? Huh?” Kenny jumped, darting all over the place. “Don’t you think it’s pointless to finally be able to feel things but not remember who you’re supposed to be feeling them for?”

“Don’t call me that.” The God aimed for Kenny’s body parts. “Tell me where your friends are so you can all face divine judgement.” He was tired of these games! “Don’t they realize their loved ones are gone! They should want to kill me! The cowards!”

“I guess...nothing will change, if you’re not even concerned about it.” Kenny said. “I suppose it’s too easy for you to forget, without anyone around to remind you. No wonder you depend so heavily on your followers’ prayers.”

The doors of the gas station opened. Laura dragged Tricia out the store by the ends of her hair. She was spitting harsh curses, “Ungrateful little... You will not ruin this for me!”

“Mom let go!” Tricia thrashed. “You’re being crazy.”

“Aw, great more things to deal with.” Kenny seemed to forget all about him. He rushed over to help Tricia. 

“I know he’s here with you! I know it!” Laura seemed to pull Tricia’s hair harder. “You betray everyone with your silence!”

“Mrs. Tucker, I’m going to have to ask you to let go of Tricia.” Kenny tried to break up the conflict between them.

“Just can it with the self righteous bullshit you money making whore!” Laura grabbed the gun from Kenny’s hip. She fired two shots in the direction of the car, just as another pulled up. “I knew he’d be here. Just in time for the sacrifice.”

“You’re here too?” The God fired two lasers to stop the bullets from hitting. “I should have known this was a trap!” 

“Think of it more as a death sentence.” Laura cocked the gun back, ready to shoot again.

He had never seen such a bloodthirsty look in her eyes. She fired more gunshots. His foot bumped against the curb, his knee hit the side of a handicap sign, as he stumbled trying to aim correctly.

“Whoa! Whoa!” Kenny rushed around the parking lot, speaking into his phone. “Shots have been fired and—” Gunshots wedged right into his right arm and his left. His arms went limp, swaying at his sides as he kept running forward like chicken with his head cut off. The phone cracked against the asphalt. “Aww shit. Now they can’t hear me.”

Another car squealed to a stop. The God could barely make out the faces of everyone getting out: Nichole, Clyde, and Tweek. He accidently fired a laser into the air, it grazed over the hood of the car. Token, who seemed to be driving, honked the horn loudly as if to warn him to knock it off.

“Kenny, what are you doing?” Nichole panicked. She slammed the door closed and ran over to where Kenny had just given up and collapsed.

“Stupid human!” The God shouted. The ground started to rumble. “Why the heck would you do that?”

“You don’t think I would let my money die did you?” Kenny coughed. “I...Uhh, I’ve felt much worse pain.”

“Where’s Stripe?” Tweek shouted.

Stripe. That name was so familiar. That...that was who he came here for! “Tweek, don't do anything dangerous.” The God lasered the ground between them, drawing a line in the road. The pieces and chips went flying upwards as the ground split in two. “Distance yourself.”

Nichole gulped, stopping before crossing the line to reach Kenny.

“You too.” He needed all unnecessary casualties out of the way.

“But Kenny!”

“If you value your life, you’ll stay there, human.” The God warned.

“That’s what makes this whole thing even better. You actually think you’re saving people.” Laura slipped behind Kenny, holding out his limp arms and slipping his fingers around the gun.

“Why are you using me?” Kenny freaked.

“Only an immortal can kill another immortal.” Laura said.

“I don’t think this is gonna work out like you think, crazy lady. He’s a God. There’s a difference.”

The God fired lasers in their direction. Kenny screamed. He ducked his head, kicking his feet. Laura barely managed to make them dodge.

“That bitch still loved you more than she loved me! In her will leaving that nice fancy mountain house to you.” Laura said. “After all I did for her.” She moved Kenny’s arms to point the gun at the God’s chest. “She gave up on her shared blood for the sake of an ancient prophecy.”

“Craig, man! I’m so sorry!” Kenny shouted.

“I will finish it. The world needs your blood! You must be killed.”

“Mom, you have it all wrong. You’re still pissed off at grandma and blinded by grief!” Tricia yelled.

The God felt his breath hitch. It was taking so much self control not to destroy the whole place. Laser it down. Wreck it. Fuck it. Just fuck everyone. He never cared before...He shouldn’t care now. But Stripe was somewhere near. He couldn’t risk it.

“Stripe, no! Stay there! Stay!” Tweek shouted.

BANG!

BANG!

There was no pain. He expected to feel that at least.

“Stripe!”

The God looked down. Stripe had his little teeth digging into Laura’s ankle. The woman had screamed, the sound of the shots firing echoed through the air as the bullets went off target.

“Stripe really is the bravest little guinea pig.” Tweek repeated the same phrase the God had said earlier.

For him? The God stared at the little creature, his teeth probably weren’t strong enough to even draw blood, just enough to cause a shock. A temporary distraction at the cost of…

“Get away from me, rodent!” Laura kicked her heels.

Stripe went flying in the air. He squealed and growled loudly in fear, tossing his head around and flipping. Like a superhero...like Super Stripe! They used to play superheroes when they were younger, running around town in silly costumes. He remembered playing with his friends, Mosquito, Fast pass, Tupperware, Wonder Tweek. Super Stripe was the first guinea pig, Tweek bought for him. The first one they raised _together_ like a family.

“Don’t hurt my son!” He zapped the woman, lasering her until her fearful trills went silent. 

His son. This was Stripe #17. Seventeen loyal animals. Seventeen soft, adorable, creatures, who loved to cuddle, gnaw at wood, give soft kisses. Seventeen minus three, meant that fourteen of those guinea pigs he raised with Tweek.

“Daddy’s got you, Stripe. Don’t worry, I will catch you.” He pulled off his hat. He held it out like a safety net.

“To the left! ACK! NO RIGHT! ARAAGAHH!” Tweek pointed crazily in every direction.

He moved over a bit, catching Stripe in his blue hat. He hugged the hat close to his heart, feeling Stripe squirm and squeal. Stripe. Stripe was safe. He couldn’t believe he almost lost him. Tweek would never forgive him. Their Stripe.

“Oh Jesus!” Tweek crossed the line. He threw his arms around the two of them. “Don’t scare me like that. I...ngh...not good almost had. A...gah...anxiety attack.” He sounded like he was still struggling to catch his breath.

He hugged Tweek back. Tweek. Stripe. _His boys_. He held them tightly.

“Gah! You’re freaking hot!”

He felt the sweat, soak from Tweek’s shirt against his skin. He held Tweek even closer. “I’m sorry.” The tears sizzled in his tear ducts, evaporating before they could roll down his cheek. “I’m sooo sorry.”

“Craaaagah...I mean, ngh...Inti.” Tweek smiled. “We forgive you.”

“Craig.” The God said. “All my memories are of being your Craig. That’s all the ones that matter to me.” He watched Stripe stick his head out from between them. Stripe looked back and forth, as if trying to figure out what was happening. “I love you, Tweek. The time we spend together and with our friends is what makes me cherish this form.” He felt more hands wrap around them.

“Did someone call for a group hug?” Clyde squeezed them from behind.

“You sweat like a pig, man.” Token elbowed Clyde to back off a bit.

“Heh, ya know I thought Tweek was overreacting but this heat is no joke, Craig.” Nichole sounded like she was squashed between them.

“My big brother really is warm like the sun.” Tricia said.

Craig sandwiched his friends together. Tweek, Stripe, Nichole, Clyde, Tricia, Token...all of them. He hugged them with all his Godly strength. He never wanted to let go of them, never wanted to let go of this feeling in his chest. Sweet bliss. Joy. Relief. Safety.

The sounds of sirens rang out, getting louder by the second.

“It took that long for backup to come?” Kenny sounded disappointed but not surprised. “There’s not even a point of them coming. It’s already over.” He paused, “Well, they can come collect Inti.”

“No one is collecting my Craig.” Tweek said.

“Ugh, you’re all a bunch of saps.” Kenny sighed, “I’m going to have to tell agents a few lies then kill myself to reset.” He cranked his neck over to the car. “Get out of here.”

“I have no grounds to believe this isn’t another trap.” Craig hugged his friends closer.

Tricia tried to wiggle away. “Okay, Craig...like you can stop.”

“I don’t wan—” Craig felt his words get caught in his throat. What was…? He could feel something cold like an ice block resting against his skin. It was the same feeling of before, when Red used—his eyelids started to get heavy, the world flashing brightly in a parade of colors.

“It’s going to be okay, Craig.” Tweek whispered to him. “Trust us.” He pressed the relic harder against Craig’s skin. “We'll be here when you wake up.”

Craig felt his limbs grow heavy, as his eyelids started to droop. Tweek, _his love_. How could…? The warmth in his chest seemed to out do the coldness. Something was very relaxing about the situation. He wasn't scared like before--not with Tweek holding him in his arms. It was going to be okay, because Tweek said it was and he'd never give up on him.

“Hey, Intiwajah. You better let the sun set or I’ll never come back to life.” Kenny smiled, his broken arms blowing in the wind like a cape or something heroic. “We’re business partners, me and Sun God Jesus...remember that.”

* * *

**_Tweek and Craig_ **

When Craig finally awoke, his face was pillowed by the familiar feel of Tweek’s thighs. He heard familiar voices and music all around him. A blast of cool air conditioning and a comforting hand fixing his unkempt hair back under his hat.

He felt his body jerk a bit as if something came to a stop. They were moving?

“I am legit going to have the best research paper ever!” Nichole said. “Wait, do you think my teacher will believe this?”

“Not...ngh... a chance.” Tweek said.

“If your teacher is still grading papers in a time like this she’s a mythic bitch.” Clyde said.

These were the voices of his friends. Even if he couldn’t see them that well due to his blurry vision, he remembered their faces, knew their expressions—emotions. He tried to lift up his arm.

“My brother is up. He’s up!” Tricia said. “Looks like I won’t have to tickle him awake after all.”

“Please, no. My car...our lives can’t take being tossed around by a freak accident.” Token said. “Clyde give him the stuff.”

Craig wasn’t sure what anyone was talking about. A hand appeared in his face with a pre-rolled joint awaiting his taking.

“Kenny said, you might want this.” Clyde didn’t sound too happy about handing it over. “Token will let all the windows down so go for it.”

Craig blinked. It was easier to point the finger and reject the blame, but now it felt like his chest was tightening up and he couldn’t exhale. If he smoked the blunt, he’d suck up all the toxic feelings and blow them away like he did time and time again. “Tweek doesn’t like it when I smoke.”

“That’s right.” Clyde’s hand closed up, removing the blunt from Craig’s line of sight.

Craig looked around using his heat signature. In a car. Token was driving. Clyde was in the front passenger side. Everyone else was in the back. “Where are we going?”

“Ngh…” Tweek stopped fixing Craig’s hair. “Token is driving to Wyoming. I know you also said something about the Andes mountains but...ngh...we have no passports and border patrol will definitely stop us.”

Wyoming? Craig once was on the way to driving Tweek and Stripe there. Now everyone was going there? But they didn't do anything wrong, this was all his...

“When you pass the event horizon of a black hole no escape is possible.” Craig closed his eyes. He focused on allowing the sun to set for the first time in what felt like forever, it lowered below the horizon painting the sky in pretty colors. “No matter how much you kick and scream, nobody can see you, nobody can hear you. You’re sucked up in a dark abyss with no end in sight.”

“I thought that too.” Tweek lifted the relic from over Craig’s chest. “But now I know better.” He tossed the ancient spear to the floor.

Craig gasped as fresh air filled his lungs. He could see the world clearly again, much better than random streaks of colors.

“You’ll both live.” Nichole lowered her face mask to reveal a smile. “For all of us.”

“I gave up my sweet date with Bebe to be here.” Clyde kicked up his feet on the dashboard. “Your eye disease is pretty cool but it’s dumb sometimes too.”

“You’ve still gotta fuck up, Cartman, right?” Token drummed his fingers on the wheel. “There are things worse than death. I’m sure you can get him back some other way.”

“The world needs you, Craig! Your followers!” Tricia showed off her phone. “We...I need you… You’re my big brother.” She held her phone closer to heart.

“Humans, you must know I have absolute power over all that touches my sun’s rays.” Craig gestured to show off how vast his influence was. “There is not a single thing on earth that cannot exist without my strength.” He glanced at all his friends. “Yet my weakness will forever be—”

“GAH! TRY TO BE A TAD BIT OPTIMISTIC! WE WENT THROUGH HELL FOR YOU!” Tweek snapped.

“I suppose you all did.” Craig closed his eyes. He didn’t deserve their smiles or support. “Sticking with me means being a target. Especially you, Tweek. They know the power you have over me.”

“The power I have over you?” Tweek pulled Craig’s hat tassels. “A human has power over a God?” He lowered his head to close the gap between them. “Please, tell me more.”

“You are already aware of my desire for you.” Craig kissed along the sharp curve of Tweek’s jaw and to his pouting, waiting lips. “For so long, I ran my fingers over band-aid covered skin never really understanding why it trembled to my touch.” He paused, then looked at all his friends. “All of you, thank you so much!”

“Wear that Burger King crown with pride my dude!” Clyde shouted.

Tricia gave Tweek a thumbs up.

Nichole let out a pleasant hum.

Tweek felt a smile slip on his face. He twisted a finger around the left tassel. “I drove you crazy enough times for you to drive us into trouble for once.” 

The sound of Stripe shuffling around in his cage was heard. Craig caught sight of two black eyes staring at them. Stripe was resting in his carrying cage in Nichole’s lap. His little nose was pressed against the bars as if he wanted some love and attention too.

“But I endangered Stripe.” Craig swallowed thickly. “Not just him but all our friends.”

“It felt good at the moment didn’t it? Letting it all out, allowing yourself to care and react to the world around you.” Tweek felt himself tremble. “See! I do it all the...ngh...time. Gah, granted I can’t help it!” He offered out his hand. “I take all types of drugs to control it. So in public people don’t think I’m crazy. But it feels good to express myself.”

“My feelings and my reactions have caused trouble for people, and all you are concerned about is how good unleashing them felt to me?” Craig locked their hands together. “Human, your devotion is your folly.” He stared at Tweek. It was hard to believe that this beautiful human was _his._ “It will forever be only mine, right?”

“Yes.” Tweek whispered. It was probably a dumb thing to say. But after everything, denying Craig any reassurance was unthinkable. So what Craig shot lasers from his fucking corneas? It was just like he thought after all, the whole boring façade and monotone voice was a layer of protection. But with him, Craig could hit it raw without any protection on his heart. He wanted it all out there, wanted to read Craig and depict Craig better than any ancient prophecy ever could. 

Those pictures on rocks didn’t know _his_ Craig.

“You always make me...ngh...happy.” Tweek said. “I want to share how happy you make me, with everyone. I don’t want you to suppress your reactions anymore. There should never be a feeling without a reaction.”

“Hold on, it is sometimes best to not have a reaction for your feelings.” Token cut in quickly. He lowered the volume of the radio. “You can think something bad and not put it into action.”

“Yeah, no putting any bad thoughts into actions!” Tweek agreed.

“Happy feelings and reactions. I want to do as Nichole suggested and have many more of these recorded in my mind.” Craig pulled out his cellphone. He tapped on the screen to reach the gallery, where he pulled up a picture of all their friends outside of a theme park. “I don’t know how to achieve this.” He felt the smile run away from his face as his shoulders deflated. “I never wanted to be conned. I never wanted to be an ancient God. I never...I never knew...”

“Feelings, reactions, they’re complicated.” Tweek said. “I don’t think I’ll ever have a firm grasp on mine.”

“Do I have the word sucker over my head or something?” Craig buried his face in Tweek’s thighs.

“Kenny is just a greedy asshole and so are your parents and 75% of this world’s population.” Nichole said.

“Then, I have no choice, but to finish what I started.” Craig said.

“NO! Did you learn anything?” Tweek lifted Craig’s head and looked into his glowing blue eyes without any sign of fear. 

“You’re Sun God Jesus. Healing people. That’s sorta what Jesus did, he healed sick people.” Nichole stuck a finger in Stripe’s cage and gently rubbed the top of his head.

“I did answer a few prayers for that.” Craig said.

“Gah! Okay. Then, think of this as a prayer,” Tweek clasped his hands together. “I want you to go back as many sun cycles as you can. Unleash all your feelings and go crazy, till you reach the day it all went wrong.”

“Wow, Tweek you might be smarter than I gave you credit for.” Tricia peeked up from her phone. “But there’s no telling if it will work. If everything that came to pass is fate from the ancient Incan prophecy, it will just happen again on another set of days.”

“So this is near the same idea you had for breaking me free from the prophecy?” Craig asked.

“Yes.” Tricia stopped typing and placed her phone down. “But in the same idea I had a fear, you could place yourself in a never ending loop of chaos following this pattern. You just wouldn’t remember, since your vessel can’t contain that much memory.”

Craig thought about that optometrist, she claimed the inside of his eyes had been burned to the point his vision should fail him. Was this evidence he’d reversed the sun cycle before? If so, how many times had he done it? Enough to put a physical strain on his body. Enough to leave some evidence of a mistake.

“But then again, time is tricky. You could have done something similar like this before. No telling if it’s your 12th or 105th time. Also no telling if the events will happen in the same order with the same outcome.” Tricia paused as if thinking about Stripe being kidnapped. “Not knowing if everyone will survive next go around.”

“Dying sounds rough. But it’s worth the risk.” Tweek held a hand upwards, staring at the ring on his finger. “Because then our lives would return to being nice and boring, just the way my Craig likes it.” He nodded. “Plus if anyone of us..ngh...die, Craig can always turn back time and I’ll be back.”

“I suppose.” Tricia said. “But if that’s the case, there has to be someone who remembers to trigger him.” She pointed to herself. “It’s obviously not me.”

Craig blinked rapidly. Someone who...KENNY! It was Kenny! He was immortal. He said, “ _no one remembers._ ” That was why he randomly showed up at his job? Had he remembered every rewind and tried to fix things? Tried to help him?

“Either way, it’s your decision to make.” Tricia crossed her arms. “We could keep running, but the government won’t stop till you’re a corpus. Restarting means losing all the progress made so far for a fresh beginning.” She sounded like she cared less for either option. Each one was just another path for inevitable bloodshed.

“I know what I must do.” Craig would make a nice boring world, where all his friends and family could live happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never though this would get finished but somehow it did? *never gets tired of friendship love/support clichés* Thanks for sticking around for this LONG story. Thanks for kudos, etc! Have a wonderful day! Stay safe! Wear a mask! Be yourself, because you're more than enough, you amazing people!~Mel


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